Living with a depressed, anxious person?

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My parents divorced in 1974. It was uncommon then. No other kids in my class had separated parents until 1979. Now it's de rigueur.

Both I and my husband have both tendencies, so I don't know if its helpful here. He is supportive on my therapy, but eschews it himself. There's enough understanding and acceptance on both sides that does strengthen each other.

I realize I'm very blessed in some ways, and try not to take anything for granted.

Androbot -That must have been difficult for you, I am glad in my case that there aren't children, it seems to complicate matters.
Though it is becoming more common, there are times I think this country is stuck in a time capsule, well the rural areas anyway.

We ran out of understanding and acceptance, had an unfortunate series of unpredictable incidents and it took its toll, on both of us. Truly unforeseen tragedies, makes or breaks a couple.

Re:annulment, no I haven't considered one, yet

Ok, Im shutting down now, its way past my bedtime, thank you for talking this through with me, Bonne nuit.

Last edited by Amity on 23 Jan 2015, 9:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Have you thought about an annulment? I think that route might be a good one--especially if you're a staunch Catholic, and everyone around you are staunch Catholics.

This seems like this went way beyond your depression. Much must have happened. In your context, I would say you made a really, really serious decision. It's almost like something happened that "broke the camel's back."

I think it's a matter of how they handle depression. I'm always willing to lend a shoulder or an ear to someone, especially if I had lived with them. I've spent hours talking to my sister on the phone about some things, and it always works out positively for both of us. I've, however, been around the depressed person who's only interest is blaming others and seeking validation, and the majority of the time spent with them is dealing with their problems. That is a HUGE burden.

Untreated anxiety and depression were one factor, not seeking help earlier is a mistake that I do not want to repeat. A lot happened, realising that I was depersonalising is what broke the camels back and yes it was a serious, but sensible decision.
He believed that I was making excuses, and needed to keep pushing myself, for me the problem was that I had pushed myself so much for the previous years that I had no reserves left.

I been through a bad depression & had anxiety problems before & my girlfriend has depression & anxiety problems sense she was 15. She never sought treatment before me. I never told her to pull herself out of it. I try my best to listen to her & offer logical ideas & plans why things will turn out better than she thinks or how she can better deal with something & I reassure her that I still love her & will stand by her & things will get better. I did encourage her to get treatment & I know I did put pressure on her to but I never gave her an ultimatum.

Ultimatums are destructive whether used in desperation, or for control. Its nice that you two can understand each other like that, having a shared understanding must make health issues less complicated.

Exactly how I feel. I know when I was depressed having someone I could talk to about it & offer a differnt perspective would of helped me out a lot. I'm defiantly not perfect at always understanding her or offering support but I try my best & having her to talk to keep me from being depressed.

I'd say they're making a choice in refusing to understand because they're the kind of as*hole who enjoys kicking sand in a wounded person's face. That's how I've come to view such people. I want nothing to do with them and only wish extreme suffering on them so they learn some humility. They don't deserve to be happy if they enjoy taking an acidic piss on people's open wounds. It's funny that depression is the only illness where people think they have the right to blame the patient for having their illness. Think of how absurd it would be to talk to a cancer patient as if it was their fault. I'd want to tear their f*****g head off their shoulders and shove some s**t down their neck. f**k them. Who are they to judge. A lot of people are stupid stupid as*holes. What can I say. Nothing else can explain it.

Gosh, I wish I could be angry, I just feel sad about it all. I don't even desire revenge. I think over the course of a lifetime some one he meets will teach him humility, but it wont be me. Ive gotten away and that is the best course of action, I'm not made of the stuff one needs to fight someone like him, it would be more wasted energy and my reserves are depleted.
I used to think that some people were just ignorant of the facts, but there are indeed stupid people out there, and also people who purposely deny reality to manipulate and protect their egos.

I hate being angry and hateful, but it seems effective against some people. The worst thing you can do to yourself is agree with people who unfairly moralize you for your medical condition. Clinical depression is a medical condition. Your brain simply can't produce the positive/optimistic feelings that motivate most people, at least not to the same degree as a normal person. Unfortunately most people moralize it, including depressed people themselves. Depressed people are sometimes the worst moralizers of all. I get extremely angry and hateful when other people do it to me, but that's a combination of me feeling trapped by their judgements and unfair expectations - like they have me up against a brick wall with nowhere to go - and me still carrying that judgement on myself under the surface. It would be nice to be truly free and not be affected, but I'm not there yet. If I was I wouldn't have to be so angry. I guess I'd rather be angry than sad, because deep down I'm really a fighter. People just don't get it and make gross miscalculations. They think if you're depressed you'll be a willing target of abuse. It's like some kind of predatory instinct a lot of people have - something uniquely disgusting and incomprehensible to me. They boost themselves up by tearing others down. I'm not a willing target. I'll make sure people know that. I don't care if they call the cops on me. I'd rather be psycho than someone who gets willingly beaten down by idiotic bullies.

It is difficult not to internalise the messages about trying harder, I don't know how else to get through life. That part is valid, but how a person with depression directs their energy can be invalidated, especially when dealing with willful ignorance. Try harder to have a regular reaction to noise, and social situations, and changes... adapt or be open to criticism. Its like a weird self harm cycle for me, where the actual messages from my body had to be ignored or face ridicule. Kinda messes with your head.
There were so many arguments and disagreements towards the end, I feel like Ive hit my lifetime quota of fights with people. I need that energy for my health and goals.

I always feel like I should "try harder." Sometimes, I just don't feel like it LOL

But I believe the philosophies which have as a sort of mantra "trying harder" and "being ambitious" are, overall, good and productive philosophies.

Nope....I don't always "try hard" and I'm not particularly "ambitious." I don't often get sad because of those facts. It is what it is. But I would never advise someone not "to try harder" if one is in a situation which demands a solution.

But if somebody is deep in an abyss, I believe being gentle to that person, while encouraging finding ways to get out of that abyss, is the way to go, rather than encouraging the person to "give in" to being in that abyss.

I think it reaches a tipping point, where I'm teetering on the edge of an abyss.(though we might be using this term differently) If I give in, I know there is no way positive way out of it, and that scares the hell out of me -where I cant help myself anymore.
I don't know how I would get through life without trying harder, the difference I hope now, is that my focus will be on realistic ways of helping myself.

I feel that's an excellent way of thinking.

An abyss is the lowest point of a tangible entity (e.g., hole, crevasse).

At least you haven't given in to the intangible demons!