How to Get Family to Stop Normalizing Me?

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I agree, if you are not financially independent, plus having massive college loans, you need to take some aggressive steps in a job-ward-ly direction. My guess is your family wants you to work toward that goal, rather than just "not accepting you for who you are." I would think that if you have a job, video games in your free time would be reasonable. But video games in lieu of effort toward using that 30K degree are not reasonable.

I have worked in various jobs in the health field for years, all dealing directly with patients, and find there is some flexibility in the makeup department. Clothes have been either a uniform, scrubs, or sometimes for private duty home care, simply something clean, comfortable to work in, and modest.

For all my interviews, i either wore a uniform similar to what i'd wear for the job i would be doing; or if i had no uniform, dress clothes with minimum of makeup. Once you land the job, as long as your face and hair are clean and cared for, makeup can be minimal i would imagine--unless your employer instructs otherwise. It would help to know a bit more of specifics of your job to know for sure, but that is a general rule i have found.

For my makeup, I wear a small amount of neutral colored shimmer eye shadow and some mascara. The shimmer eye shadow helps minimize dark circles and puffy eyes. Some days if i don't like my complexion, i will mix a small amount of liquid foundation with a moisturizer and use that to even out my skin tone. I use a bit of eye makeup remover in the evening. Any foundation is so minimal that washing with water removes it. I don't like a lot of makeup and am sensitive to some kinds. My entire makeup routine takes about 3 minutes in the morning and another 3 minutes in the evening.

This particular makeup regimen has been adequate to every health care job i have had since i was a teenager, and also adequate to the office setting at the historical society where i work. I am not what i would consider high-maintenance. But i have not had anyone tell me it was sloppy or inappropriate.

Hope this helps.

You don't have to let them change who you are.

That is to say, you don't have to cart your video games to Goodwill and come home with a closet full of "woman clothes" and a bag of makeup which you will faithfully put on daily before ever opening the door.

What they're trying to change (assuming the best of them, anyway) is the current trajectory they fear you are on. Namely, still sitting around, playing video games, with student loans in forebearance racking up interest (or with them responsible for paying them, if they cosigned).

You keep who you are. You go right on not wearing makeup (most of the time) and hanging around gaming in your sweats (after the job search for the day, and after work later on).

You figure out the minimum amount of makeup you can tolerate to wear (in my case, it's powder blush and eye liner). You practice with it until you're good at it, and you use it sort of like a business man uses a tie: You wear it to interviews and meetings where Important People are going to be present, take it off ASAP, and forget about it the rest of the time.

Before you start gaming for the day, you get on the job search and send out a few resumes. At least a couple a day (that adds up to 10 a week, assuming you don't job hunt on weekends).

You apply for every job for which you ROUGHLY meet the criteria (only one or two things you need to pick up, just a bit more experience than what you have). NO ONE places an ad saying they're looking for someone fresh out of college with no experience. You play up whatever you've done in college as making up for that year of experience you don't have (without outright fluffing your resume; outside of the liberal arts, they hate that).

Look a little below your qualifications (not a lot, but a little). Case in point: My hubby did not do real well in engineering school. I STILL haven't figured out why a guy with ADHD who hates math goes into engineering. Honestly, I think it was because everyone told him he couldn't do it, and he wanted to see them all eat s**t.

He did pretty good in his engineering classes, and he was doing awesome by the end of it (he was interested in the material and he'd learned how to play the college game), but his first few years were poor enough that he graduated with a total GPA below 3.0. He needed some job, a job, any job that was remotely engineering-related just so he could get a few years in, so future employers would look at THAT instead of at his grades.

His first job was as a "mechanical designer." Technically speaking, while he was doing engineering work, he was titled and paid as a glorified draftsman. He did that for five (boring, stressful, underpaid) years...

...and then he got a "real" engineering job, with a substantial raise in pay...

...and now, a little less than 10 years post-graduation, he's making twice what he started at and he's managing an entire department of "mechanical designers" and younger engineers in all but title.

It might have seemed like an inauspicious start, but I'd say he played it rather well.

His ties mostly hang in the closet, and he still logs a significant amount of game time.

It doesn't have to be a total, radical life change. You just need to start knocking on some doors, and put on enough of a coat of paint to get a foot in 'em.

This. All of it. And if I might expand on one bit? When our dept gives HR the specs for a position we need filled, we list the qualifications for the perfect applicant. One that would never, ever take the position at the pay we (or other local companies) are willing to offer. And then we hire someone who is only half qualified, at a level below what was listed, at an even lower pay. Typically by the end of their first six months, they've been promoted to the position we originally wanted them for. It may seem dysfunctional or inefficient, but I've noticed that pattern at the last three corporations I worked for.

So, to thewrite1, if you really want a certain position:

Apply for any and all jobs that might fit. Apply for the jobs that you are overqualified for, and those you are under-qualified for. Apply for positions just under the one you want, too. Once in the door, it's a lot easier to move up. Apply to a few you don't really care about and go in for an interview so you have practice by the time "the job" comes along.

You do what you have to do to get a job. An unemployed kid with loans doesn't have the luxury of choice, although, don't settle for a job that isn't in your field of study. Maybe you would do more productive things if you didn't play so much. Unless your dream job is video game designer.