Suicidal thoughts

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Why do you believe these people are shunning you?

Many people get into financial difficulties. I sure have!

It's something that you have to try to fix; it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Yep...I have felt really down because of financial difficulties.

I do believe you need to speak to somebody objective, as well as your friends.

I wouldn't be surprised if your problems aren't as deep-seated as you feel they are.

I am pleased to hear from you, BaneBear.

Was having a good day, then girls in my office ruined it by being extremely rude. Boss keeps giving me crap because of new stuff I haven't done yet that is done wrong. Co-workers extremely rude and snappy with me but not each other. I am extremely angry and put down now. Desiring to hurt myself. Was supposed to go to Asperger's group with pizza and game night thing. Might not do it now because I am not in a friendly mood.

I can hear them over there now, I talk and everyone ignores me/ shuts up/ or gets annoyed and makes fun of me or tells me to shut up. They talk and everyone joins in and laughs and engages.

I happened to come across this thread and while i'm not wholly sure if I can add anything further to whats already been said,I wanted to say that i'm here to talk if you ever need to,I am also acquainted with depression and the struggle with the desire to live from a dark period of my own,I pray you will find relief soon,I don't wish that sorrow upon anyone.I'm here should you like to talk,as well as the others i'm sure,please don't give up.

It's been a while since I've "been there". I know this is the most "easy to say" but unrealistic suggestion, but my first impulse would be to get another job. You already feel bad, you shouldn't stay in an enviroment that makes you feel worse. Maybe someone in your group can help you find something better?

I just sent you a private message but also wanted to post something here.

You could try an ER department at a hospital. Call first and ask if they provide mental health crisis help. Mention that you self-injure sometimes and are having difficulty getting a handle on suicidal thoughts. Say the same thing when you check in. Don't be afraid to be honest. Take a train or bus if the location is far. Maybe go to a well known, larger hospital, even a teaching hospital. Things will probably not be ideal during your visit. You might have a rude nurse, or two. But hopefully it will be useful/helpful overall. The treatment staff should be friendly and kind and patient. The desk staff and nurses might be harsh. I had some injuries in the past (hit by car on bike, etc) and had to go to the ER, and noticed this when there.

Seems you have Borderline Personality? I feel for you, this is a difficult condition, I had a very wonderful girlfriend with this a long time ago, I felt so much for her, but she didn't have a handle on it, she was SO sensitive to the slightest criticism and would cut/scratch herself to relive the psychologic pain.

There might be walk-in crisis clinics, probably would have to take a train or drive there if far away, also might have a long wait (1 hour or less or more).

Shunning is a bad form of bullying, also difficult to fix..

Sorry you're going through this

I'm glad you're still with us, BaneBear!

I think you're doing great for a person who is 822 years old!

Seriously though - couple of things. First, people considering suicide don't usually WANT to be dead. In fact most never do they want to be dead. They want the pain to stop. There is just such overload, such pain, so much they can't take it any more and there doesn't see to be any other solution except to flip the switch OFF. I've felt that way so many times I can't count - even recently in fact.

I've learned that most NT people are *shocked* if you are thinking about suicide but I'm *shocked* if I find out someone never has thought about it! That level of pain is just so real to us. Much more real much more often than NTs I believe.

Second thing - you have mentioned a job, people around you, a gym that you belong to, an Aspie group that you belong to. Frankly, I'm jealous! You have 100x more opportunity and things going for you than I do. So I'm going to tell you to look around yourself and try to see the good stuff in your life. See the people who are in it, see the good structure you have going, and overlook the little stuff. Be grateful and make an active habit to purposely CHANGE your thoughts. Put on your favorite music, play your favorite video game for a bit, talk to someone you actually like or who makes you laugh or soothes you. Start being selfish to the point where you know when your mind is going down that wrong path and then STOP IT and use one of your weapons to make it behave.

We have control over our minds. It doesn't seem that way at times but we do. We just need to learn the tricks and then USE what we have learned to make our minds work for us instead of against us.

Hang in there - good days are coming.

Hey everyone, update for you.
Accidentally a co-worker saw a post on my computer and informed my boss, she then got in touch with my parents. No one was mad at me, I did not get in trouble and people took the time to talk to me and see I was ok. I had a long talk with my parents.
My plan is to try some new activity every weekend in an effort to broaden my horizon, and make friends.
I am seeing a personal trainer at the gym, so I might feel less self conscious about my appearance (I will upload a photo in a bit on another forum.
At my job my boss and I agreed I need to be more confident, back boned, and out there. So I am grabbing more paperwork, and planning on standing up for myself when co workers snap at me.
I have no hurt myself in a few days.

That is a great, great update!

I'm so glad. Keep going - you're doing really well!