not where I'd thought I'd be in life

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It really is that bad.

During the late teens/early 20's is one of the 'easiest' time to get a girlfriend for a young man because women care less about job, income, if you can drive, if you live alone, etc. because both men and women at this age aren't fully independent yet.

It also depends on culture.

It's mostly western nations where women have such high standards for men, eastern asian cultures actually encourage both men and women to continue to live in their parents home and actually one day take their parents place as the head of the household.

"I don't think most lesbians are like that, and I still don't understand why you would want to date someone like that. It seems a bit superficial."

It's not our choice. The vast majority of heterosexual women are this way, even some aspie women here. We aspie men MUST fight hard to achieve the same success as N.T's at the appropriate age (move out, learn to drive, etc.) or else we are seen as childish/dependent. N.T. men have the same problem. The older one gets, the harder it gets.

"As long as a person isn't starving to death in the streets and has the basic comforts of life, I would consider her a potential date because I like people based on personality and I'm not attached to the material things of a middle-class lifestyle. And even if she was starving to death in the streets, I would try to help her, and would date her once she was stable if I liked her."

In my experiences many hetero men would agree with this, except we tend to also care significantly about looks.

That doesn't mean we want supermodels, just that we have to be physically attracted to her.

Sly and I would both agree all we want is a plain, average normal looking woman. Her personality? She doesn't have to be super cool or interesting. Again, as long as she's a nice person, easy and fun to talk to, and fun to spend time with and we are compatible, that's all that really matters.

Some studies do suggest men place more emphasis on looks, and women on a man's personality, character and achievements, but both still care about both looks and personality.

Something like 75/25 Looks/Personality for men and 25/75 for women, though in my experiences for a lot of guys who want a serious relationship and nothing casual it's more like 50/50.

In my opinion 50/50 is a much more logical, realistic way of looking at things.

"I have seen some personals ads in which womyn say that want someone who has a professional career. I think their values are warped. It's literally impossible for everyone to have a professional career because there aren't enough of those jobs available. They are rejecting people who couldn't afford to attend college, people who have mild learning disabilities, and people who went into the military or a skilled trade."

And that's not even the half of it!

Some women will never think you are good enough if you aren't successful and don't have an ambitious plan for your life but that's often women who care a lot about their own career and have a good job themselves or think they are so pretty they can get any man they want.
However, to women who do not have quite that high expectations it might make a difference whether you spend your days in misery and do nothing or whether you have activities you enjoy and small short term goals.

Look maybe I am wrong here, but I am not sure if I am liking the whole idea of women are like this men are like that it just seems too black and white and humans as a species are so diverse. Many women are fine with dating less successful men provide their is something else that they like about them. You might even fall into this category its just that people have got to know you first and for that a level of comfort and social skills may be needed. A way to get around that is maybe to interact with your co-workers a little more. It may help you become more comfortable around people and hey what have you got to lose?

Cause I can't stand being alone it's horrible I'd much rather have someone who's superficial or mean then. I'm a social type person and so gain happiness from being around and talking to others.
Happiest people get lots of hugs studies showed. I never get hugs or any physical touch for 20 years now so no wOnder I'm sad besides constantly seeing I'm worthless to women.

I don't care about a woman's Funchal/living/job/social situations either.

Most ads are like that they want a guy with a good job or real job as some call it. And unlike some say these women aren't all professional women no they'll retail fast food or even unemployed all demanding a guy have a good job. I'm told I need to find a girl on my level but those women are and demand a guy better then them.

Well judging from online dating sites and ads quite and inoverted women don't exist.
It's all women who go outside constantly or travel the world all the time.
I'd really like a woman who just enjoys staying home most the time and watching tv cuddled up. I'm not athletic or into sports at all. I like camping(one or two times a year$ and hiking (once a month or so)
All I see is these always active always moving never inside constantly partying women. Suppose I'll just have to fake it and lie to be with someone so if shy quite inovert women exist they aren't trying to or want to date.
In fact most such women I've met always just want to remain single 0.o

Have you look d at the dating scene lately?
Go on dating sites and check Craigslist
Most women won't dat a guy who doesn't have a good job , car and their own place regardless of his personality or common interests.

It's like car shopping where your primary goal is a preformance car then looks(men's personality) yeah you want a red car(men's personality type) but you want a performance car that's red. Men's personality and interests is second to their finical situation. Women can find lots of guys who's personality is what they want so they limit out all the losers and then pick from those men "with their life's together" to find the personality they want.

Problem is I'll never ever have my "life together" I'll never be middle class. That's the reality most poor people stay poor. Especially tru for a stupid aspie who can't socialize right to network his way up a corporate later and due to being an aspie lacks leadership traits.

I already interact with the few coworkers who don't hate me(all men except two older women) all the women at work have bf/husbands and most give me nasty looks when they see me and ignore me saying hi to be polite.
Why is it all these 20some girls working min wage have well off bf/husbands while most the guys are single and older?

True but it's more like most then some. Society says it's how men have to be and like it or not 80% of people do whatever society says to do. Hence fashion and social trends.
Also half the women insee demanding such things have no job/work min wage, live at home, have no car and say themselves that their super fat. Yet they demand a guy be handsome,athletic, have a good job, own a car and have their own place.
When I see a woman say she works full time, has a car and her own place immediately know she'd not be interested in me, she's clearly mentioning it cause it's important to her and so she most likely won't take less from a guy. Likewise if they pretty I know they'd never be interested. I'm not attractive, I'm bit fat, my car doesn't run, I live with family as roommates and I work part time while getting SSI.

I do have activities I play games and shave.
I don't have any goals. No point all my goals failed terribly. I couldn't even find work as a security guard. When min wage retail is all you can do (and suck at due to required to push credit cards) not much for goals. Goals are for normals who are successful.
What's wrong with just living life goalless? Why does everything have to have some end game. Minecraft is a super popular game it has no end no goal no story. Most people back in the day just survived they didn't have any goal besides get enough food to last the winter and try enjoy their family. Why can't that be the same? What's wrong with just working retail the rest of my life and enjoying my hobbies and ideally a GF?
Whys everyone got to be ambitious

I'm not ambitious at all and I don't like to be competitive.
Are there really not any non ambitious competitive women who just enjoy living and staying home?

You really don't have it easy here from the looks. Being with a partner is in many cases a life decision and when you make that, I guess you want it to be with somebody who can give you a good life. But maybe it could also be a case of dating sites often attract people like that. I would certainly say anyhow getting to know people better may still be the solution. When people come to understand and appreciate you, than I feel they won't simply reject you the way people have done before on dates where first impressions matter allot more.

Well, judging from dating sites quiet and introverted men probably don't exist either. It isn't trendy to admit to being quiet, introverted, non-ambitious or unsuccessful and this goes for both men and women. Even if men might be on average more willing to date someone who has any of these traits and even if not all of these traits would be seen as negative by every potential partner society expects ambition, extroversion and self-confidence or the pretence of them of both sexes. Thus people are gonna paint a more positive picture of themselves on dating sites. (I'm a woman and if I admit to a fellow university student that I am not particularly ambitious chances are quite high that they immediately conclude I'm lazy, stupid or selfish. That's one of the reasons why I might prefer a guy who is not extremely ambitious - if I'll ever be functioning well enough to consider dating - because I don't like being told I'm lazy, stupid or selfish.)


But not all of these women will get the kind of boyfriend they want, or, if they insist he has to be perfect, no boyfriend at all. Some fat, unsuccessful and bossy women do get handsome and kind men with decent jobs but it's often because the guy has low self-esteem and there are also some men who get women who might seem 'too good' for them.


I don't mean it necessarily has to be goals that get you a better job or higher social status. It can be any kind of goal and it can be small things that really don't matter for anyone else but you.

Usually my small goals won't make a change to my life. For example I like to draw and write as a hobby and I am far from being good enough to do any of it professionally but if I realize a mistake I make in every picture I draw and decide to practice to get better at this particular thing I consider this a small goal I can reach.
A goal can be anything you plan to do or plan to get better at.

And you don't necessarily need goals as long as you have enough actives you can do that you enjoy. There's nothing wrong with enjoying your hobbies.

It's just that it's easier to have interesting conversations with people who have interests, hobbies or goals than with people who merely exist.

You'd be great at my job. We have to inspect the fine detials of websites and write down all the defects we find.

I know there aren't any good jobs in your town and I know you already messaged all the girls in your town on OKCupid, I think it would be better if you moved to a bigger city.

You could find jobs there and there'd be a much greater number of girls for you to connect with. If you had a dating pool ten or a hundred times bigger you'd have a better chance of finding a girl who's into you.

Try to share a place with someone to keep costs down. Bigger cities have better public transport so the bus not running at 9:00 PM won't be an issue for you.

You'd have a much better chance of getting a job there. Since you have an eye for detail a job like mine would be perfect for you. Attention to detail is our motto (yes, we actually have a motto). You should try to get into software testing. It probably pays better than your current job. I make $55,000 per year (or about $4,500 per month) + overtime pay + a $2,000 bonus every year.

No qualifications or experience required. I got the job through the Specialisterne program. The American lady who was running the assessment said she'd done the same thing all over the US so you just have to find out which city it's running in and move there.

Moving to a new city could be a good chance for you to reinvent yourself. No one will no you there so you can assume a new personality without people noticing the change. You can be charismatic. You can smile a lot. Be confident.

Remember, confidence is all in the mind. Just pretend to be confident and then you realise you're actually being confident. This makes you more confident. Good luck Sly

I am really sorry your having such trouble and wish there was more in your area that could help you.

One thing I will say and it isn't solely directed at you but why would a woman want to date someone who thinks so badly of women?

Why would a woman want to go out with someone who makes her out to be shallow and only want money? or judges who she is before even getting to know her as a person.

You also women not to judge you and yet do the same to them. I truly truly don't mean this in a horrible way I'm just being honest and hoping it will help you empathise (even though I know it's hard) with some women. Like truly sit and thing to yourself if a women said these things about men would you be put off?

Everyone is different and doens't want to be lumped into a group as if they are a hive mind.

I apologies if I'm being to honest for haven I just really feel sometimes supporting someone is speakin honestly with then

Just asking but sly279 how do you feel when you have gone on dates with women in the past. Do you think it went fine up until the next day or something else.

I've only been on like 6 dates
1. Had her friend confess that he loved her after she started dating so she went with him. She said it was great and I seemed really confident

2. Wouldn't talk and only kept asking for food

3. Wasn't sure if she liked guys or just women turned out she just liked women

4. Was one who introduced me to 3 and after the catfish who said he was a rich U.K. Person ended it we tried to date but she was also dating two other people and went with the one who could give her a home. She stayed with me a week.

5. I didn't find attractive and had older kids so I ended after the first date

6. And last we went min golf and she hugged me after but then ghosted me. So i dont know

Most seemed to feel I was confident and funny to be around. Once I'm use to a person I talk and joke a lot.

Then there were the ones who we talked for a while but never met up in person.

Just for the record, not ALL hetero women are like that. I don't care about a guy's income. I care if he is nice and polite and shares my sense of humor and some of my interests and makes me think and listens to me and has interesting things to say so I enjoy listening to him. I want someone I can respect for these qualities and who will respect and accept me.

This is hard to find though, because these things can't come through at first glance like looks do, but take time to notice, and a lot of people make up their minds in the first moment and don't even take a few minutes for a short conversation that could lead to more conversation and really getting to know someone.

For people like us who aren't too social, it is hard to find other shy and withdrawn people, because we are all in our own little corners of the world being quietly interesting and not knowing about each other.

To prove that all women aren't superficial?
I'd certainly like to prove to an anused woman all men aren't rapists or abusers.

If the first thing she talks about is mans income or job she's shallow. If she dates me regardless of my job and doesn't nag me to get a better one it'd never come up as she not shallow. But if the first thing Shen ask about or lists on her profile is about income car and house she's as shallow as a guy first asking about waist or boob size. Think we'd both agree guys like that are shallow . Women can be shallow but instead about a guys income and such. Non shallow women don't care about a guys income and love them for who they are they date a guy based on his personality an interest and never ask about his income. The one lady was willing to date me even after she found out I worked at a retail store even talked about lending me her car(I'd never accepted) she wasn't shallow. Still not a good person though but not shallow.

Idu I'm not saying all women are that way. Your not, Ann's not, hurtlooms not, drawer isn't, cathlyin isnt and few others here who's names I can't remember off hand. I quite emphasize with all them and you. I'm also still quite nice to the shallow and mean women. One of the mean women at work was crying today and I felt sad for her. Despite that she gives me nasty looks every time I see her and seems to hate me all for trying to say hi to her or ask her how she's doing.

Also women tell me I'm worthless and not a real man. Not a good man(strange I always thought good meant moral or not being abusive or uncaring)That I'm not good enough to be dated. Judging me for things I can't control and have nothing to do with who I am as a person. I talk about women who self advertis they're shallow. I don't get how that's similar
Unless your talking about the pretty ones?
Been mine and many others experiences pretty women don't date fat ugly men. Sucks I can't tell difference from a 2 or a 10 though. Mean I know any famous women are out of the question but the women at work or dating sites are just a beautiful. You are too for example. So from what I can determine if I find a woman attractive she's out of my league.

Everyone's not as different as you'd like. Or Pepsi wouldn't be so popular. Billions of people all like it which means billions of people have similar taste. Fashion trends are trends for a reason. Brands are popular for a reason. Most people go to college or because they want to but because society says to. Likewise society says men who don't have a good middle class job aren't good and encourages and pressure women from a young age to fall in line. Is it any wonder lots do?
Course there's outliers and minority's and in a population of 7billion 25% is still a large amount of people who don't fall in line but still means the majority of people one meets will. And depending on the area the outliers will be fewer and taken quickly. My sisters friends are all as I've mentioned. The women at work are too. Superficially is more the norm not a oddity in the west.

There's millions of guys just like me . I'm nothing special. No we,re not a hive mind but we think alike regardless. I dont know why people say everyone's different or independent when social groups and trends show differently. There's who degrees about it and how to market to people based on their common thought process. If people were are different marketing would be impossible. Religion is a good example raise a bunch of kids up about it and most will keep supporting it as adults few will not.

Same as men boys being pressured not to cry or show emotions. It's a society pressured mass commonality with men. I'm well awar lots of girls via parents or movies are taught and pressured to find a quality guy or Prince Charming.

I dont know what to do about it. Very few profiles don't require a guy to have a good/real job , car and their own place aka life together. What would you suggest I do?

I kinda feel like people just don't want me to complain. I complain about a large section of women from my area and it's constantly taken as complaining about all women 0.o

I quite like you as a friend you've been nice to me which is really quite rare for women. So rare when a woman at work is nice to me even slightly I wonder if she likes me romantically cause women normally treat me badly so if she's not then it must means she likes but. I hope those reply is received Nicely as I don't mean to be harder and am trying to logically reply kindly to your points not dismis them or anything. But I feel rude not replying . I really wish I could meet a lady like your or those others I mentioned you seem nice and non shallow. I wish there were more women like you.
I keep putting myself out there and get hurt.
I'm afraid to post another Craigslist ad.

The few women who like my dating site profile want nothing to do with me after reading it. Confuses me why they liked me if they dont find me good enough to even talk with 0.o

I'd be quite wonderful bf as I've been told by female friends.

Hugs
Thanks it's nice to see another female who gets it. I'm often deemed worthless after few seconds based on my job and living situation.
I'm not even allowed to message most women and if I defy that they just ignore me.
Based on their profiles or ads I'd meet most everything else they want in a guy and have lots of common interests
It's so depressing

Have you found your guy?

Nope. I don't go out enough to meet new people. I feel like society has taught me that Prince Charming should just show up in my life one day (years ago) but that hasn't happened, and I am battling too much social anxiety to go out and find him (plus lots of disappointments when I have tried that in the past). Plus religion is important to me, which dramatically narrows the playing field, and there aren't hardly any single guys in my parish. Sure, there are others out there, but I would, you know, have to go there and talk to them. Argh.