I've Had Enough

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i've been in depressive stage for over one year too. and i thought before that i am strong and that cannot happen to me. i just got used to the life, i take it the way it is and don't think about it. specially when nothing is permanent. everything has its beginning and end. you have many things ahead to experience and they will change it for sure, whatever you think about it now. just believe people who experienced similar thing.

edit: i add that my depression had very similar reasons. i came to foreign country far away from family and friends. sometime there are weeks when i don't have a simple conversation with human being. but i am ok with that. partly, sport helped. when i tested my physical limits there was no space for suffering mentally. the most important thing why i am ok with that is that i know that this will end up one day. although it is going to last over 2 more years. you are also going to pass different stages of your life and it will be different then. just keep going. be strong!

Happiness and love is but a fleeting moment, it comes and slowly fades but hatred, anger - these things stay forever. We latch to them and pursue them how we will. The human mind is naturally pessimistic.

When I was younger I had the idea for those I respect - I always said I do not want to be loved by them, for if I am to be hated I will never be forgotten. Its damn true too, when I was ill I was a wreck, caused chaos everywhere I went. There's people out there I can't even remember. I look five million times different than I did when I was younger and somehow - they all still remember me.

My early teenage years were hell as well.
I made the mistake of pursuing it (suggest you don't do this) - it was really to the point I didn't care anymore. No one understood, I couldn't communicate or understand. Lord, I tried everything. The more I tried to understand and personalize the 'weirder' I got, the more 'emotionally unstable' I came off as, the more I didn't understand the more I just kind of wanted to blow my brains out.
I acted on wants and desires, became something horrible. Lived on with the guilt that I was a waste, scum, became comfortable with the idea that I'd die in a ditch somewhere. It was a mess, I'll spare the details.

From my experience though; cutting, drugs, all of these things. They're just temporary. Its tempting to indulge when times are rough - to look for that easy exit. The reality is though, there is no easy exit. Somehow, the world keeps moving and we survive.

Being in these situations, they're no good for people like us. They're really no good for anyone.
Its hard when you don't understand exactly why you feel what you feel.. if you're even feeling. I can't personalize anything or else it just gets so muddled and confusing, kind of like living in a haze isn't it? Unsure where the hell this agony is from, angry that you're weakened by such tedious things like social surroundings. Angry that you just can't seem to get it. Gets really hard.

I really don't know how to get around this and I'm not going to tell you to stop, I for one know the power of human will and their mind. I didn't listen to anyone - why would you? The point is, I'm sure you know there's others out there that have been through it. I'm not asking you to acknowledge that, however.. more less focus on the one's that have been there and got through it.

Some encouraging words, hang in there
There is a lot of strength here and if you want to, you can make through it.
If not - be well on the other side, or ground.. whatever it is you believe.
You're already ahead in the game to come here and seek to sort them out rather than act on impulse. Good sign of maturity and wise move. Good luck.

I hope you don't commit suicide! You're a great person!

Thanks tomamil and agentcyclosarin.

Wow, I'm a nice person Jason?

Thanks.

No problem, you seem pretty cool to me.
And you put up with my theoretical BS lol
I really need to work on limiting how much I say.
Its kind of pathetic sometimes.

I feel that way sometimes, but I keep on living.

Yes, you are!

I have had a long running battle against depression but the ONLY things I can honestly suggest helps is EXERCISE ! !


It's quite often hard to ACTUALLY start exercising but within 15 minutes or so I feel like a different person.

My THING is JOGGING and it really works plus ther are no bad side effects only GOOD side effects.

Other things to try are simply hard, fast walking or even gardening ! !

Zincubus

This tune should make you happy! Download it if you'd like!

http://farmingdaleweather.net/gscollect ... tended.mp3

Find passion, and you shall find the lust for life. Yes, it is possible. Some people turn to god, some people turn to medications, some people turn to one who is wiser, but all of us will run into those who spew BS from behind their teeth; those who confuse their arrogance for wisdom (perhaps I myself am right now.) When I wanted to kill myself, it was Heavy Metal that convinced me otherwise.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you not to kill yourself, because I know that pain, but not how deep yours goes. But in my opinion, killing yourself means that you let them win. DIG IN DEEP! Kids your age are brutal, arrogant, and messed up as hell, trust me, you're not the messed up one here, just the minority. It's funny isn't it, when we think we're all alone, we all feel so ashamed.

You have the will to win and the courage to fight, to get through ANYTHING! Believe that you can beat them down and rise above.

The Price is Right theme makes you very happy, doesn't it?