Hi there,
There's been some really positive, helpful advice listed in this thread.
It is scary to gain a diagnosis, to seem to find something inside yourself that is able to accept there is actually something going on.
Sometimes, it can feel like you're so used to wondering, and it takes so much out of you doing that, that the thought of actually having to try and accept someone else's 'formal diagnosis' can be intimidating. Not to mention, I think in alot of us, even though we know something isn't quite as we think it should be, it's easier to delude ourselves, than face the truth.
However, that rambling completed - shadexii had some excellent advice about going to a doctor.
You may wish to gain a few opinions, it never hurts, it can be confusing, yet worthwhile in the long run. If it helps you as a person feel okay with yourself and halt any self harming behaviour, then it's probably not only a smart thing to do, but important eh?
I'm BP I & PTSD (with other bits and pieces rolled in) - and like shadexii, have tried manmy prescription meds, most were not helpful for me, and self medication is not always the best road either (even though in our own minds we may like to think we know best) - give it a try mate.
If you've come this far, and lived through all the ups and downs and back to fronts, you can most likely do anything.
I wish you luck with it.
Peace