Wish I could just die
Stay strong, the world is rough. If you're interested, I linked a documentary video below about the scientific evidence of the existence of God. Maybe if the evidence convinces you, you'll start to search through and read the scriptures in the Bible. You'll find that if God does exist, then life isn't pointless or worthless, there is meaning and reasoning for everything. And a lot of it is explained in the Bible. I'd recommend first reading from the new testament, Matthew to Revelations, it's available online: https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Matthew-Chapter-1/
Some people find the readings intimidating, you can alternatively find church audio sermons online, I'd recommend listening to Paul Washer, you can just input his name in the search box: https://www.sermonaudio.com/main.asp
Here's the documentary video: