So I have some major updates. I haven't had time/energy to post these things.
We'll start by going back a couple of weeks....
My uncle (who told me he has ASD on the same phone call, incidentally) owns several condos in Florida that he rents out for extra monthly income. He's getting old, and there are two in Jacksonville, FL that are particularly far from where he now lives, they they are harder to manage. He offered to give me a lifetime interest in the top floor condo, and my mom a lifetime interest in the condo right below it. When my uncle dies, I'd inherit the upper condo and when my mom dies, I'd also inherit the first floor condo. After some thought, I decided to move from the little town in Colorado I currently live in to Jacksonville, FL. This move would likely take place around August 1st.
In the mean time, I told my mom that plans are not final and to hold off telling family members in Colorado the news about the move UNTIL I'M DONE WITH MY CLINICAL! So naturally she tells my son's aunt and uncle right away and I get a text message from them asking to talk about it during the families' easter celebration that took place last Saturday. So I go to this event and I hang back from the crowd of family members. I feel incredibly uneasy. I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure why I'm hanging back (stupid alexithymia), but I do so anyway.
Anyway, the event is finally over and all of the family members basically ignore me like I'm a ghost (which is what I wanted). So I talk to Jacob's aunt and uncle and they basically say that my mom has told them in the past that my Florida uncle (my mom's brother) has been verbally abusive towards her and they don't feel like Jacob would be safe there. They also state they are concerned that I'm being given a condo by my uncle so he can control me. I respond by letting them know that I'm autistic and I can tell they are totally shocked, they had no idea. I then tell them that because I'm autistic, I assess everything all of the time, and have already assessed that Jacob is safe with my uncle. I also pointed out that my uncle was fun to be with when I was a kid.
They basically pointed out that my uncle didn't have a relationship with his children anymore, and also to his past verbal abuse of my mom. I told them that people are complicated, they can be mean to certain people in their lives due a past in the relationship, but then turn out to be a great uncle/grandparent to kids. That's just the way the world rolls, where a person isn't all good or all bad, but a combination of both. Jacob's uncle then basically stated that he'd literally kill anybody who'd harm Jacob (and I totally didn't understand he was getting upset). I told him that he'd have to get in line, because I'd already take care of somebody who harmed my son before he could get to them.
I also stated that it seemed they were throwing s**t against the wall to see what sticks by making up all of these accusations. I basically pointed out I had raised this kid for 10 years now and he's turned out so great they fell in love with him, so they shouldn't even have come to me with these concerns, they should have just shut the f**k up and let me take care of the details concerning my son. So Jacob's uncle gets up and tries to get me to go outside to have a fist fight. I'm 20 years younger, 6 foot 2 inches and weigh about 240 lbs with a fair amount of muscle, but I'm a peaceful guy and was close to a meltdown.
Anyway, I came close to cutting off the aunt and uncle completely, but they are an important part of my son's life. We did finally talk reasonably in the end, but I have a sour taste in my life and I'm having a hard time forgiving them. I'm pissed that they did this when (at the time) I had 2 weeks left in my internship. I had schoolwork to do on Sunday, and I didn't even complete it.
As a result of this, I had trouble performing as well on my internship. Cut to today and my CI asks me why, after 3 weeks of good performance, I seem to be regressing in my performance. I ask him into the back office area. Near tears, and looking to the lower right at the floor, I ADMIT to him I'm AUTISTIC. He takes it very calmly and asks what he can do to help me. I tell him I don't know, but one of the issues is that I was late picking up my kid at school because they scheduled me with patients too late in the evening.
He then indicated that he wanted me to ask questions when I needed help, but I hadn't asked him a question for the last week and a half. I told him that he's always with patients and I don't know how to interject in the middle of a conversation between him and a patient to ask my question. I told him I don't understand the flow of conversation or non verbal cues that tell me I can ask my question. My CI stated, just go into the patient room and ask the question, don't worry if I come across as awkward. He then asked if what else he could do to help.
I told him there's nothing more he can do them to just understand how hard I'm working. That I'm already giving all of my effort. I told him that I come into any situation, whether social or at work, and all I have to rely on is a script of social interactions I've memorized from the past. I asked him that surely, based on the fact that he has a child with HFA, he'd understand what I'm saying. He was sympathetic and stated that his son struggles with anxiety, has sensory challenges, and can be awkward socially. I told him that it might get better as an adult, but that pretty much sums up where I'm coming from. He certainly seemed to understand and be sympathetic.
I also told him that the reason why I would ask for help and then leave is because I have trouble knowing when somebody is done talking. He told me I should ask the person if they are done before I left, and not worry about if it appears awkward or not. Today I asked him several questions and would almost walk away but would stop myself and say, "Is that it?" And he'd nod. It was weird to be out as an autistic with him and follow social cues he was providing for me to improve my functionality.
More than anything, I felt this burden lifted off my chest. I felt so rejected Easter weekend. I was beyond thrashed and I know I was not performing at the same level.
After that conversation, which took place in the morning, it was going to be the busiest day in the history of the clinic. What's more, they had a brand new tech overseeing the exercises instead of the two experienced techs who were on vacation. Long story short, I freakin' killed it that day. I asked the right questions at the right time. I got my CI involved in three different interventions where the patient needed adjustments (kind of my from a chiropractor but more sophisticated), etc. I gave good treatments. I helped fold laundry. I helped the new tech out by giving a heads up on when my patients would be coming out of my treatments for exercises. I practiced countless joint mobilizations and soft tissue mobilizations with my CI. The list goes on and on.
Sorry for the book! I really needed today to happen. I needed a break. I needed somebody to accept my autism in person (not just Facebook). Not only did he accept me. I asked him if he knew and he told me he had his suspicions. But he also gave me functional advice with specific social cues I could implement at the clinic and they worked fine. I feel like I can be myself and sort of act neurotypical around the patients, but let my guard down when dealing directly with staff. I don't have to hide as much anymore.
27 Mar 2018, 7:34 pm
