Starting a downward slide

Page 2 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,117
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

16 May 2018, 1:27 am

Spyoon wrote:
I'm sorry you are going through this Bea. :heart:


The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Does he have children?

BeaArthur wrote:
I will try to get his son, who lives nearby, to do a respite shift occasionally, but he is not very approachable.
?


I live in a culture where grown up children have the social obligation to take care of their elderly/sick parents.



BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 5,798

16 May 2018, 8:00 am

Sadly, we have no such obligation here. America is an excessively individualistic society. Some adult children do take care of their elders, but many do not. I have zero expectation that mine will take care of me. I am estranged from one, and the other can barely take care of herself (autism and other disabilities).

Typically the care of a person with dementia falls on a spouse or sometimes on a single adult child, who often complains that the other children will not lift a finger to help. And since we have a population wave, the Baby Boom generation of post-World War II babies, rapidly entering old age, this is going to be a very big social problem.


_________________
A finger in every pie.


Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,577

16 May 2018, 8:32 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Sadly, we have no such obligation here.


Why is that sad? Isn't it good that people aren't forced to take care of someone just because of obligation? I mean obviously parents need to take care of their children 'till certain age, but that's 'cause they chose to make them and keep them. Children do not choose which family to born in to and what kind of parents they end up with, so personally I would see it as really messed up if someone demanded their kids to take care of them.

Of course, taking care of one's own parents because one wants to do so is good, but if they just do it because the family/society pressures him or her to do so then that's just sad.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,117
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

17 May 2018, 1:31 am

Fireblossom wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
Sadly, we have no such obligation here.


Why is that sad? Isn't it good that people aren't forced to take care of someone just because of obligation? I mean obviously parents need to take care of their children 'till certain age, but that's 'cause they chose to make them and keep them. Children do not choose which family to born in to and what kind of parents they end up with, so personally I would see it as really messed up if someone demanded their kids to take care of them.

Of course, taking care of one's own parents because one wants to do so is good, but if they just do it because the family/society pressures him or her to do so then that's just sad.


Where I live, if all adult children are married and too busy then they all contribute with their income to hire a private nurse for the old parent(s), or the old parent(s) co-resides with one of the adult children - but leaving the parent in a nursing house is considered shameful here.
If one of the adult children remains unmarried then it's him/her who usually ends up nursing the elderly parents.



fifasy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Mar 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,264
Location: England

19 May 2018, 4:19 am

I'm sorry for insulting you a while ago.

I wouldn't wish what you're going through on anyone. My father has dementia and my mother looks after him.



BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 5,798

19 May 2018, 7:50 am

fifasy wrote:
I'm sorry for insulting you a while ago.

I wouldn't wish what you're going through on anyone. My father has dementia and my mother looks after him.

Don't worry about it. I don't remember the insult, possibly I didn't even see it.


_________________
A finger in every pie.