Need advice for a friend who's abused

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We are both in different states. I'm in Ohio and he's in Tennessee.

That might make it more difficult for you to advocate for him.

You probably can't advocate for him in person. I guess you can talk to lawyers/advocates over the phone, or by Email.

They still want to be paid. Neither one of us has the money. His parents won't let him get SSI because they think only "lazy" people get SSI. He has severe dyslexia and would need someone to help him with the application process. He has told people at the school but they can't or won't do anything.

Sometimes, lawyers will take a case “pro bono.” That means they do it for free.

How could he go about contacting one? Could a therapist or school social worker help him?

A therapist could certainly help him in this regard.

What school is he attending?

Elizabethton High School in Elizabethton Tennessee

(Another reason I want this thread private.)

The parents try VERY hard to keep the abuse covered up. They even had a tracker on his computer for a while. He can't even say the word "abuse" out-loud when the parents are around because the dad will come over and shout, "WHAT ARE YOU TELLING HER!?! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !"

The father has a radio show and has even trash talked my boyfriend on it a few times to where people see him in public and give my boyfriend dirty looks. He gets punished for panic attacks too. Over Thanksgiving he had a panic attack (he has flashbacks of when the father would abuse him physically) and the father took away his computer and phone (his only outlets) and made fun of him.

Why is he still in high school? Also I know it's a rural area but is there like nobody within walking distance of them?

Also I'm having trouble believing that his father talked on his radio show badly about his son, everyone gives him disgusted looks and no one has ever thought that a father bad mouthing his son on the radio would be considered bad or abusive. I mean how do any of us even know the distance of the radio broadcast?

Also, if he is his own legal guardian and the abuse is really that bad, why hasn't he left yet? He could leave and never return and no one could stop him. Get a bag, take some supplies and leave.

The story is almost starting to sound like your boyfriend is lying and the reason that his parents stop him when he says "abuse" is because he is lying and they don't want him taken away. Suicidal people might blame their parents for their thoughts and attempt to "get back" at them for not being "better parents."

That story is pretty hard to believe.

Am I the only one that thinks it's pretty f****d that a 32 year old woman is calling a 19 year old still living at home and attending high school her "boyfriend"?

There are all kinds of ways this story is bizarre, pick any one. Parents' behavior, son's passivity, narrator's bias and probably inappropriate involvement...

BTW I would say the same thing if it was a 19 year old girl still living at home and being romanced online by a 32 year old man. It's one thing if both parties have successfully "launched" and can function as adults. I strongly doubt whether this boy can do that (or he would have, already) so in that case it's really sort of a case of exploitation.

Convince me I'm wrong, Meerkat.

18 is the legal limit where both of us live.

Last edited by MagicMeerkat on 21 Mar 2019, 8:20 am, edited 2 times in total.

It looks that way. But it's not as if he was only 16 or 17, now is it?

1 Legal Adult + 1 Legal Adult == 1 legal relationship.

When I was 19, I dated someone in my 30s.

The relationship would be screwed up, in my opinion, if there was a vast difference in the level of functioning between a man and a woman—enough for a possible exploitative situation.

This would happen, say, if the woman was a lawyer, and the man was autistic to the point of being unemployable. And vice versa.

This often happens in situations where, say, a social worker has a relationship with somebody with such severe mental illness that they cannot work, and who attends "day treatment centers."

If both people are high-functioning autistic folks , I don’t find that the age difference matters. It seems as if the “level of functioning” between these two people are relatively equal.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 21 Mar 2019, 8:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

He was held back in an earlier grade. The home is so far from the school, the school bus will NOT come pick him up so the parents have to drive him. Yes, it's that far!

I've heard what the parents say to him personally in video chat. And so did our friend from New Zealand.

If one partner has a moderate intellectual disability (such as that found in Down Syndrome), and the other partner has "normal" overall intelligence, and lives independently with employment, there could be a problem as far as the "consent" of the person with the moderate intellectual disability is concerned.

I didn't say it was illegal. I just said it seemed exploitive.

If one person is severely intellectually-disabled, and the other person functions normally like an adult, the person who functions normally could be charged with rape if sexual intercourse occurs between the two.

Legally, in most cases, the person who is severely intellectually-disabled would be "incapable of consent."

This is certainly not the case here. Both appear to have equivalent functioning.