Being Patronised

Post Reply New Topic

I honestly feel that my language skills not being advanced enough makes people feel they are being patronized. It has nothing to do with how I feel about you. It had to do with me thinking about how articulate I need to be so you understand what I am saying.

In fact I feel people are too afraid to explain things to me because they are so worried they would be talking down to me. No, I actually need concrete information and direct speech and I understand perfectly. And funny thing is, when people online are direct with me, I always think they were being helpful and I have no idea they were trying to talk down to me until they start insulting me after I had thanked them for their help.

I guess people get offended when I don't pick up on their patronizing tone and I mistake it for them being helpful.

It's as if I have a low IQ.

I don't find concrete language patronising. I find it useful.

I find it offensive for someone to, in the context of a hobby, choose to go somewhere where she's the minority & pretend like people who have a different political opinion to her are too stupid to be able to read our own passports.

If she finds it 'offensive' for me to call Duffy Irish, when he has turned out and played for the ROI, she will be really offended by things on the TL like people calling Celtic the 'athletic wing'.

Some hobbies just aren't for some people. It would be like my mum turning up at a hunt and asking if people have considered going vegan.
*
I find it offensive when someone knows my mum's chemo was almost cancelled and tells me about people whose chemo has been cancelled. It's like he hasn't bothered to listen to me about my own life. It almost happened to my mum. But he has such tunnel vision that he can't believe that someone whose mother is high risk would see a bit of nuance between 'chemo should go ahead' and 'we should carry on life as usual in the middle of a virus mum's likely to die from if she acts like she would if the virus wasn't here'. I know his tunnel vision is because he's autistic. But there are better specialist interests to have then conspiracy theories about how we should all ignore covid.
*
I don't believe those girls didn't know about parts of speech. I think it was an NT way to buy time. To dodge out of proper learning. As somebody who finds learning fun, somebody who wants to get onto the next thing whenever I'm on a course, I don't find it offensive but I do find it annoying. They were specifically on that course cos they were good at English and they were acting like they were really bad at it. I don't understand that sort of anti-intellectualism that NTs engage in.
*
In all these cases, there was a good reason to believe I knew what I knew. They were either from my direct experience, which he knew about cos I told him, or things I've known since childhood. The TOM stuff was done by NTs. But even an autistic person should be able to have TOM enough to know that an adult from their own society is likely to know as much as an average child from their own society.

I assume every adult on a maths a-level course knows the 3 times table - not every adult but every adult who's good at maths. I assume every adult in America knows that California is in America, (so any of them talking about Calexit is being political). I assume everyone who broke their leg & told me about getting it put in plaster knows that broken legs are put in plaster (I think, that might be a poor eg as nobody ever told me about breaking their leg). I have THAT much theory of mind even if I don't get all the nuances.