I've Had It With The Awful and Abusive Online Behavior
Backing out of any online situation/friendship/relationship that makes you at all uncomfortable is the absolutely right thing to do.
You look after yourself, you put yourself first in online relationships, always.
_________________
Sylkat
Student Body President, Miskatonic University
sorrowfairiewhisper
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 837
Location: United Kingdom Dorset
Not all women go for men like that. Have you tried an As dating site? i've seen your post, you've mentioned that you thought you'll had a stroke or something? i'm sorry to hear that! i think you should focus on your health before dating.
I wish you well and good luck for the future
CockneyRebel
Veteran
![User avatar](./download/file.php?avatar=316_1733953109.jpg)
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,979
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
To be honest, I'd rather have a guy like you than any of the types of guys you've described. Tatted up rednecks who smoke, drink and act aggressive do nothing for me.
_________________
The Family Enigma
AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,288
Location: Portland, Oregon
To be honest, I'd rather have a guy like you than any of the types of guys you've described. Tatted up rednecks who smoke, drink and act aggressive do nothing for me.
I unfortunately concur.
People (if you haven't already), Brother Marknis has sent PMs in which he wrote he will not post anymore.
I got one from him earlier today.
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Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!
You also sound frustrated, so at least you have that in common
![Wink :wink:](./images/smilies/icon_wink.gif)
Where did I say it was a aspie male? I have had issues with aspie men online but usually just block them so fast bc they tend to be more annoying (I know...it hurts to hear). They don’t tend to get to the stage where they are or can be abusive.
And I didn’t detail everything here (for privacy reasons) so like...don’t tell me it’s not abuse tbh.
And I have every right to be pissed by someone who crosses boundaries when I make a post on sexual assault...trying to hit me up (that was a aspie male btw, blocked immediately).
I will make some allowances since you are a aspie but like, do better.
Your whole post is invalidating and tbh, I would never involve myself with someone who writes this. Thank f**k you are not hitting me up lol.
_________________
Apparently I am an INTJ-A Personality.
TriPM Score (Taken 05/22/2021):
103 out of 174 points (99th percentile)
ADHD & ASD diagnosis made in childhood.
Last edited by CollegeGirlAnon on 24 Jan 2021, 12:36 am, edited 3 times in total.
That said, your goal in life doesn't have to be satisfying those who find you refreshing. You're entitled to find someone who YOU find refreshing!
I only posted this to point out that intense attractions are not always abusive people. You might really be that interesting to know!
Yes, but there are times where there is stuff that goes on that is abusive.
It’s not always abusive but sometimes it truly is.
_________________
Apparently I am an INTJ-A Personality.
TriPM Score (Taken 05/22/2021):
103 out of 174 points (99th percentile)
ADHD & ASD diagnosis made in childhood.
I absolutely do NOT disclose my ASD. It has in the past made me a huge target. And yes, men will lie and manipulate everything they can to satisfy themselves.
Just my opinion, but if they are on the spectrum too, for me, I can tell. I don’t mean that as an insult, but, well, they are my people-I can just tell.
I’ve tried “playing” with NT men online and I end up way way over my head. It takes too much effort to mask and I refuse to disclose bc they either run away or think I’m an easy victim.
I now only talk to men who are on the spectrum regardless if it is for intimate or friendship reasons. I have two dear friends that are both ASD. They are honest to a fault and I never have to worry about ill intentions. Plus, aspie men are usually hella smart and that is more attractive than anything.
I should add once I know for sure they are ASD as well I do disclose my own dx obviously.
I’d say find you a witty and intelligent ASD man and take turns falling down each other’s special interest rabbit holes! Now that’s true romance
![Heart :heart:](./images/smilies/icon_heart.gif)
If you would like to PM about this that would be great!!
I have been sexually assaulted twice by aspie men so like...I know they are not always safe.
I approach it person by person with both NT and ND men.
Due to past psychadelic (well somewhat) use I find dealing with people with AS taxing sometimes. So idk.
And no, nothing “cured” my aspergers but it did open me up if that makes sense. And that has helped so much.
_________________
Apparently I am an INTJ-A Personality.
TriPM Score (Taken 05/22/2021):
103 out of 174 points (99th percentile)
ADHD & ASD diagnosis made in childhood.
I absolutely do NOT disclose my ASD. It has in the past made me a huge target. And yes, men will lie and manipulate everything they can to satisfy themselves.
Just my opinion, but if they are on the spectrum too, for me, I can tell. I don’t mean that as an insult, but, well, they are my people-I can just tell.
I’ve tried “playing” with NT men online and I end up way way over my head. It takes too much effort to mask and I refuse to disclose bc they either run away or think I’m an easy victim.
I now only talk to men who are on the spectrum regardless if it is for intimate or friendship reasons. I have two dear friends that are both ASD. They are honest to a fault and I never have to worry about ill intentions. Plus, aspie men are usually hella smart and that is more attractive than anything.
I should add once I know for sure they are ASD as well I do disclose my own dx obviously.
I’d say find you a witty and intelligent ASD man and take turns falling down each other’s special interest rabbit holes! Now that’s true romance
![Heart :heart:](./images/smilies/icon_heart.gif)
If you would like to PM about this that would be great!!
I have been sexually assaulted twice by aspie men so like...I know they are not always safe.
I approach it person by person with both NT and ND men.
Due to past psychadelic (well somewhat) use I find dealing with people with AS taxing sometimes. So idk.
And no, nothing “cured” my aspergers but it did open me up if that makes sense. And that has helped so much.
Actually, I retract this statement. My current unwanted situation has shed some new light on men, even aspie men.
I think I will go back to the old me...voluntarily celibate and single and more than happy about it.
I absolutely do NOT disclose my ASD. It has in the past made me a huge target. And yes, men will lie and manipulate everything they can to satisfy themselves.
Just my opinion, but if they are on the spectrum too, for me, I can tell. I don’t mean that as an insult, but, well, they are my people-I can just tell.
I’ve tried “playing” with NT men online and I end up way way over my head. It takes too much effort to mask and I refuse to disclose bc they either run away or think I’m an easy victim.
I now only talk to men who are on the spectrum regardless if it is for intimate or friendship reasons. I have two dear friends that are both ASD. They are honest to a fault and I never have to worry about ill intentions. Plus, aspie men are usually hella smart and that is more attractive than anything.
I should add once I know for sure they are ASD as well I do disclose my own dx obviously.
I’d say find you a witty and intelligent ASD man and take turns falling down each other’s special interest rabbit holes! Now that’s true romance
![Heart :heart:](./images/smilies/icon_heart.gif)
If you would like to PM about this that would be great!!
I have been sexually assaulted twice by aspie men so like...I know they are not always safe.
I approach it person by person with both NT and ND men.
Due to past psychadelic (well somewhat) use I find dealing with people with AS taxing sometimes. So idk.
And no, nothing “cured” my aspergers but it did open me up if that makes sense. And that has helped so much.
Actually, I retract this statement. My current unwanted situation has shed some new light on men, even aspie men.
I think I will go back to the old me...voluntarily celibate and single and more than happy about it.
I still hope to find someone but I am very picky.
_________________
Apparently I am an INTJ-A Personality.
TriPM Score (Taken 05/22/2021):
103 out of 174 points (99th percentile)
ADHD & ASD diagnosis made in childhood.
NEVER DISCLOSE!! ! It brings out the predator in people but on the other hand, if it does, then you see you got a predator online. Wanna read a good non-fiction? "Do You Know Who I Am?" by Dr. Ramini Dervasula
I wish I could've read this when I was your age but the author probably was just a little child back then.
AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,288
Location: Portland, Oregon
My NT girlfriend and I don't smoke, drink (we're both on antiepileptic medications, so that's why), have any tattoos, nor respectively (so to speak) behave like a little b***h (my NT girlfriend) and an abusive d-bag (me).
I've only been working a little over a month and a pair of co-workers have already viewed me as a "boring" colleague just because I abide to store policy as closely as possible.
But I don't care, at least I'm making a decent wage!
_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!
I am usually able to ID red flags before things get too bad. But I have has it with men sending me paragraphs and stuff when they are intoxicated about what I should or should not do when they have only talked to me for 3 days. If you step back and think about that it's insane.
Or them trying to make things extremely emotional and basically pushing me to lower boundaries I have because they claim to love me after 3 days of talking.
And of course, if I don't do what they say I should do I will end up over 30 with no life skills. Um, I already have life skills. I have a job. I am in school. I am able to live independently on my own. I make all my own Doctors appts as well as other appts. I manage my own money. I take care of my Dog.
Like, it sucks because I almost feel like being open about my aspergers makes it so that I attract a lot of abusers.
I almost feel I'll have to remain single for a long time or life because all I seem to attract are abusive men.
Anyone else feel similarly?
ETA: Also, I have had issues with NT people and aspie men. Just putting that out there because I don't want people to rant against NTs when I've had issues with people who are not NT.
Suggestion:
Change your avatar for something less attractive.
I absolutely do NOT disclose my ASD. It has in the past made me a huge target. And yes, men will lie and manipulate everything they can to satisfy themselves.
Just my opinion, but if they are on the spectrum too, for me, I can tell. I don’t mean that as an insult, but, well, they are my people-I can just tell.
I’ve tried “playing” with NT men online and I end up way way over my head. It takes too much effort to mask and I refuse to disclose bc they either run away or think I’m an easy victim.
I now only talk to men who are on the spectrum regardless if it is for intimate or friendship reasons. I have two dear friends that are both ASD. They are honest to a fault and I never have to worry about ill intentions. Plus, aspie men are usually hella smart and that is more attractive than anything.
I should add once I know for sure they are ASD as well I do disclose my own dx obviously.
I’d say find you a witty and intelligent ASD man and take turns falling down each other’s special interest rabbit holes! Now that’s true romance
![Heart :heart:](./images/smilies/icon_heart.gif)
If you would like to PM about this that would be great!!
I have been sexually assaulted twice by aspie men so like...I know they are not always safe.
I approach it person by person with both NT and ND men.
Due to past psychadelic (well somewhat) use I find dealing with people with AS taxing sometimes. So idk.
And no, nothing “cured” my aspergers but it did open me up if that makes sense. And that has helped so much.
Actually, I retract this statement. My current unwanted situation has shed some new light on men, even aspie men.
I think I will go back to the old me...voluntarily celibate and single and more than happy about it.
Join the club.
I am usually able to ID red flags before things get too bad. But I have has it with men sending me paragraphs and stuff when they are intoxicated about what I should or should not do when they have only talked to me for 3 days. If you step back and think about that it's insane.
Or them trying to make things extremely emotional and basically pushing me to lower boundaries I have because they claim to love me after 3 days of talking.
And of course, if I don't do what they say I should do I will end up over 30 with no life skills. Um, I already have life skills. I have a job. I am in school. I am able to live independently on my own. I make all my own Doctors appts as well as other appts. I manage my own money. I take care of my Dog.
Like, it sucks because I almost feel like being open about my aspergers makes it so that I attract a lot of abusers.
I almost feel I'll have to remain single for a long time or life because all I seem to attract are abusive men.
Anyone else feel similarly?
ETA: Also, I have had issues with NT people and aspie men. Just putting that out there because I don't want people to rant against NTs when I've had issues with people who are not NT.
To me, you sound like you have a good understanding as to how to identify abuse.
Which is important, so as to be able to recognise it, label it, perhaps tell the people involved off (if you can be bothered) or just get away from the abusers.
Unfortunately I think there are a lot of people who abuse, men, some even woman.
Some of their behaviour is likely intentional (i mean sending photos of certain things. I never really understood how that trend caught on, but apparently it has, not sure if this happens both ways, but some men do this. I am not sure if ASD men do this, personally i would have thought they are generally too shy and awkward to do that, and some may even be sensible enough not too, which doesn't say that much though), and some of the "abuse" may be their hang ups, or if they are ASD men, it may be misunderstandings due to problems with communication or symptoms of an anxiety disorder? (such as needing to be reassured, a bit of paranoia. I guess its hard to have relationships with people long distance and online without having worries).
As for men falling in love in 3 days. Well desperate men with ASD are probably more common than men with ASD who aren't as desperate. Perhaps due to some lacking any significant experience in relationships.
So, perhaps men falling in love in 3 days is more likely.
That isn't 'love'.
It is limerence/infatuation.
I'm sorry you've run into so much nasty behavior online. Alas that's a big problem on social media these days.
Hopefully you'll be safer here on Wrong Planet, which at least is moderated, in a reasonably prompt fashion, by live humans, to whom you can report any inappropriate private messages.
Anyhow, are you interested in having a discussion, here in this thread, on the question of how to attract more non-abusive men and attract fewer abusive men online?
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
I'm sorry you've run into so much nasty behavior online. Alas that's a big problem on social media these days.
Hopefully you'll be safer here on Wrong Planet, which at least is moderated, in a reasonably prompt fashion, by live humans, to whom you can report any inappropriate private messages.
Anyhow, are you interested in having a discussion, here in this thread, on the question of how to attract more non-abusive men and attract fewer abusive men online?
I get my advice elsewhere on relationships and stuff.
_________________
Apparently I am an INTJ-A Personality.
TriPM Score (Taken 05/22/2021):
103 out of 174 points (99th percentile)
ADHD & ASD diagnosis made in childhood.
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