I've Had It With The Awful and Abusive Online Behavior

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Sylkat
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20 Jan 2021, 6:45 pm

Backing out of any online situation/friendship/relationship that makes you at all uncomfortable is the absolutely right thing to do.
You look after yourself, you put yourself first in online relationships, always.


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sorrowfairiewhisper
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22 Jan 2021, 11:05 am

Marknis wrote:
I don’t like how it seems like men have to drink, smoke, get tatted up, and behave aggressively to get relationships with women. That’s what I witness in my cultural region and it makes me feel like women find me boring because I don’t do that stuff. It sucks that you are being treated badly, just please understand there are AS guys who feel similar to you as well.


Not all women go for men like that. Have you tried an As dating site? i've seen your post, you've mentioned that you thought you'll had a stroke or something? i'm sorry to hear that! i think you should focus on your health before dating.

I wish you well and good luck for the future



CockneyRebel
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22 Jan 2021, 11:19 am

Marknis wrote:
I don’t like how it seems like men have to drink, smoke, get tatted up, and behave aggressively to get relationships with women. That’s what I witness in my cultural region and it makes me feel like women find me boring because I don’t do that stuff. It sucks that you are being treated badly, just please understand there are AS guys who feel similar to you as well.


To be honest, I'd rather have a guy like you than any of the types of guys you've described. Tatted up rednecks who smoke, drink and act aggressive do nothing for me.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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22 Jan 2021, 8:31 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I don’t like how it seems like men have to drink, smoke, get tatted up, and behave aggressively to get relationships with women. That’s what I witness in my cultural region and it makes me feel like women find me boring because I don’t do that stuff. It sucks that you are being treated badly, just please understand there are AS guys who feel similar to you as well.


To be honest, I'd rather have a guy like you than any of the types of guys you've described. Tatted up rednecks who smoke, drink and act aggressive do nothing for me.


I unfortunately concur.

People (if you haven't already), Brother Marknis has sent PMs in which he wrote he will not post anymore.

I got one from him earlier today.


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CollegeGirlAnon
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23 Jan 2021, 11:42 pm

Ball wrote:
Aspies get obsessed easily. Best to tell them where the boundaries are and if they don't get it nobody is asking you to burden yourself by further entertaining them. Aspie men such as I often just don't know, and in that light what you've described sounds less like abuse and more like clumsy behavior and frustration.

You also sound frustrated, so at least you have that in common :wink:

Where did I say it was a aspie male? I have had issues with aspie men online but usually just block them so fast bc they tend to be more annoying (I know...it hurts to hear). They don’t tend to get to the stage where they are or can be abusive.

And I didn’t detail everything here (for privacy reasons) so like...don’t tell me it’s not abuse tbh.

And I have every right to be pissed by someone who crosses boundaries when I make a post on sexual assault...trying to hit me up (that was a aspie male btw, blocked immediately).

I will make some allowances since you are a aspie but like, do better.

Your whole post is invalidating and tbh, I would never involve myself with someone who writes this. Thank f**k you are not hitting me up lol.


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Last edited by CollegeGirlAnon on 24 Jan 2021, 12:36 am, edited 3 times in total.

CollegeGirlAnon
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23 Jan 2021, 11:45 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
I think some people in an online context can be extremely drawn to an autistic person, whether or not they know that person's diagnostic status. Your answers are probably much more intelligent and insightful than a "typical" female's. So I can understand rapidly "falling in love" with an autistic person, online. Or even in person. A well-adjusted autistic person has so many pluses - honesty, fidelity, focus, alternative viewpoints, self-control - that they may seem very refreshing to someone who has struck out with bimbos.

That said, your goal in life doesn't have to be satisfying those who find you refreshing. You're entitled to find someone who YOU find refreshing!

I only posted this to point out that intense attractions are not always abusive people. You might really be that interesting to know!

Yes, but there are times where there is stuff that goes on that is abusive.

It’s not always abusive but sometimes it truly is.


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CollegeGirlAnon
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23 Jan 2021, 11:52 pm

Immensity wrote:
Female here who has and does spend a lot of time online.

I absolutely do NOT disclose my ASD. It has in the past made me a huge target. And yes, men will lie and manipulate everything they can to satisfy themselves.

Just my opinion, but if they are on the spectrum too, for me, I can tell. I don’t mean that as an insult, but, well, they are my people-I can just tell.

I’ve tried “playing” with NT men online and I end up way way over my head. It takes too much effort to mask and I refuse to disclose bc they either run away or think I’m an easy victim.

I now only talk to men who are on the spectrum regardless if it is for intimate or friendship reasons. I have two dear friends that are both ASD. They are honest to a fault and I never have to worry about ill intentions. Plus, aspie men are usually hella smart and that is more attractive than anything.

I should add once I know for sure they are ASD as well I do disclose my own dx obviously.

I’d say find you a witty and intelligent ASD man and take turns falling down each other’s special interest rabbit holes! Now that’s true romance :heart:


If you would like to PM about this that would be great!!

I have been sexually assaulted twice by aspie men so like...I know they are not always safe.

I approach it person by person with both NT and ND men.

Due to past psychadelic (well somewhat) use I find dealing with people with AS taxing sometimes. So idk.

And no, nothing “cured” my aspergers but it did open me up if that makes sense. And that has helped so much.


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Apparently I am an INTJ-A Personality.

TriPM Score (Taken 05/22/2021):
103 out of 174 points (99th percentile)

ADHD & ASD diagnosis made in childhood.


Immensity
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24 Jan 2021, 12:56 pm

CollegeGirlAnon wrote:
Immensity wrote:
Female here who has and does spend a lot of time online.

I absolutely do NOT disclose my ASD. It has in the past made me a huge target. And yes, men will lie and manipulate everything they can to satisfy themselves.

Just my opinion, but if they are on the spectrum too, for me, I can tell. I don’t mean that as an insult, but, well, they are my people-I can just tell.

I’ve tried “playing” with NT men online and I end up way way over my head. It takes too much effort to mask and I refuse to disclose bc they either run away or think I’m an easy victim.

I now only talk to men who are on the spectrum regardless if it is for intimate or friendship reasons. I have two dear friends that are both ASD. They are honest to a fault and I never have to worry about ill intentions. Plus, aspie men are usually hella smart and that is more attractive than anything.

I should add once I know for sure they are ASD as well I do disclose my own dx obviously.

I’d say find you a witty and intelligent ASD man and take turns falling down each other’s special interest rabbit holes! Now that’s true romance :heart:


If you would like to PM about this that would be great!!

I have been sexually assaulted twice by aspie men so like...I know they are not always safe.

I approach it person by person with both NT and ND men.

Due to past psychadelic (well somewhat) use I find dealing with people with AS taxing sometimes. So idk.

And no, nothing “cured” my aspergers but it did open me up if that makes sense. And that has helped so much.



Actually, I retract this statement. My current unwanted situation has shed some new light on men, even aspie men.

I think I will go back to the old me...voluntarily celibate and single and more than happy about it.



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24 Jan 2021, 4:13 pm

Immensity wrote:
CollegeGirlAnon wrote:
Immensity wrote:
Female here who has and does spend a lot of time online.

I absolutely do NOT disclose my ASD. It has in the past made me a huge target. And yes, men will lie and manipulate everything they can to satisfy themselves.

Just my opinion, but if they are on the spectrum too, for me, I can tell. I don’t mean that as an insult, but, well, they are my people-I can just tell.

I’ve tried “playing” with NT men online and I end up way way over my head. It takes too much effort to mask and I refuse to disclose bc they either run away or think I’m an easy victim.

I now only talk to men who are on the spectrum regardless if it is for intimate or friendship reasons. I have two dear friends that are both ASD. They are honest to a fault and I never have to worry about ill intentions. Plus, aspie men are usually hella smart and that is more attractive than anything.

I should add once I know for sure they are ASD as well I do disclose my own dx obviously.

I’d say find you a witty and intelligent ASD man and take turns falling down each other’s special interest rabbit holes! Now that’s true romance :heart:


If you would like to PM about this that would be great!!

I have been sexually assaulted twice by aspie men so like...I know they are not always safe.

I approach it person by person with both NT and ND men.

Due to past psychadelic (well somewhat) use I find dealing with people with AS taxing sometimes. So idk.

And no, nothing “cured” my aspergers but it did open me up if that makes sense. And that has helped so much.



Actually, I retract this statement. My current unwanted situation has shed some new light on men, even aspie men.

I think I will go back to the old me...voluntarily celibate and single and more than happy about it.

I still hope to find someone but I am very picky.


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Apparently I am an INTJ-A Personality.

TriPM Score (Taken 05/22/2021):
103 out of 174 points (99th percentile)

ADHD & ASD diagnosis made in childhood.


RightGalaxy
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24 Jan 2021, 4:32 pm

NEVER DISCLOSE!! ! It brings out the predator in people but on the other hand, if it does, then you see you got a predator online. Wanna read a good non-fiction? "Do You Know Who I Am?" by Dr. Ramini Dervasula
I wish I could've read this when I was your age but the author probably was just a little child back then.



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11 Feb 2021, 6:30 pm

My NT girlfriend and I don't smoke, drink (we're both on antiepileptic medications, so that's why), have any tattoos, nor respectively (so to speak) behave like a little b***h (my NT girlfriend) and an abusive d-bag (me).

I've only been working a little over a month and a pair of co-workers have already viewed me as a "boring" colleague just because I abide to store policy as closely as possible.

But I don't care, at least I'm making a decent wage! :lol:


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12 Feb 2021, 12:59 am

CollegeGirlAnon wrote:
I have to take a break from chatting with men online. I am a 27 year old female with aspergers. And lately I have seemed to attract a lot of abusive people online. Especially considering that I have posted emotionally in other places.

I am usually able to ID red flags before things get too bad. But I have has it with men sending me paragraphs and stuff when they are intoxicated about what I should or should not do when they have only talked to me for 3 days. If you step back and think about that it's insane.

Or them trying to make things extremely emotional and basically pushing me to lower boundaries I have because they claim to love me after 3 days of talking.

And of course, if I don't do what they say I should do I will end up over 30 with no life skills. Um, I already have life skills. I have a job. I am in school. I am able to live independently on my own. I make all my own Doctors appts as well as other appts. I manage my own money. I take care of my Dog.

Like, it sucks because I almost feel like being open about my aspergers makes it so that I attract a lot of abusers.

I almost feel I'll have to remain single for a long time or life because all I seem to attract are abusive men.

Anyone else feel similarly?

ETA: Also, I have had issues with NT people and aspie men. Just putting that out there because I don't want people to rant against NTs when I've had issues with people who are not NT.


Suggestion:
Change your avatar for something less attractive.



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12 Feb 2021, 1:02 am

Immensity wrote:
CollegeGirlAnon wrote:
Immensity wrote:
Female here who has and does spend a lot of time online.

I absolutely do NOT disclose my ASD. It has in the past made me a huge target. And yes, men will lie and manipulate everything they can to satisfy themselves.

Just my opinion, but if they are on the spectrum too, for me, I can tell. I don’t mean that as an insult, but, well, they are my people-I can just tell.

I’ve tried “playing” with NT men online and I end up way way over my head. It takes too much effort to mask and I refuse to disclose bc they either run away or think I’m an easy victim.

I now only talk to men who are on the spectrum regardless if it is for intimate or friendship reasons. I have two dear friends that are both ASD. They are honest to a fault and I never have to worry about ill intentions. Plus, aspie men are usually hella smart and that is more attractive than anything.

I should add once I know for sure they are ASD as well I do disclose my own dx obviously.

I’d say find you a witty and intelligent ASD man and take turns falling down each other’s special interest rabbit holes! Now that’s true romance :heart:


If you would like to PM about this that would be great!!

I have been sexually assaulted twice by aspie men so like...I know they are not always safe.

I approach it person by person with both NT and ND men.

Due to past psychadelic (well somewhat) use I find dealing with people with AS taxing sometimes. So idk.

And no, nothing “cured” my aspergers but it did open me up if that makes sense. And that has helped so much.



Actually, I retract this statement. My current unwanted situation has shed some new light on men, even aspie men.

I think I will go back to the old me...voluntarily celibate and single and more than happy about it.


Join the club.



Pepe
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12 Feb 2021, 1:34 am

madbutnotmad wrote:
CollegeGirlAnon wrote:
I have to take a break from chatting with men online. I am a 27 year old female with aspergers. And lately I have seemed to attract a lot of abusive people online. Especially considering that I have posted emotionally in other places.

I am usually able to ID red flags before things get too bad. But I have has it with men sending me paragraphs and stuff when they are intoxicated about what I should or should not do when they have only talked to me for 3 days. If you step back and think about that it's insane.

Or them trying to make things extremely emotional and basically pushing me to lower boundaries I have because they claim to love me after 3 days of talking.

And of course, if I don't do what they say I should do I will end up over 30 with no life skills. Um, I already have life skills. I have a job. I am in school. I am able to live independently on my own. I make all my own Doctors appts as well as other appts. I manage my own money. I take care of my Dog.

Like, it sucks because I almost feel like being open about my aspergers makes it so that I attract a lot of abusers.

I almost feel I'll have to remain single for a long time or life because all I seem to attract are abusive men.

Anyone else feel similarly?

ETA: Also, I have had issues with NT people and aspie men. Just putting that out there because I don't want people to rant against NTs when I've had issues with people who are not NT.


To me, you sound like you have a good understanding as to how to identify abuse.
Which is important, so as to be able to recognise it, label it, perhaps tell the people involved off (if you can be bothered) or just get away from the abusers.

Unfortunately I think there are a lot of people who abuse, men, some even woman.
Some of their behaviour is likely intentional (i mean sending photos of certain things. I never really understood how that trend caught on, but apparently it has, not sure if this happens both ways, but some men do this. I am not sure if ASD men do this, personally i would have thought they are generally too shy and awkward to do that, and some may even be sensible enough not too, which doesn't say that much though), and some of the "abuse" may be their hang ups, or if they are ASD men, it may be misunderstandings due to problems with communication or symptoms of an anxiety disorder? (such as needing to be reassured, a bit of paranoia. I guess its hard to have relationships with people long distance and online without having worries).

As for men falling in love in 3 days. Well desperate men with ASD are probably more common than men with ASD who aren't as desperate. Perhaps due to some lacking any significant experience in relationships.

So, perhaps men falling in love in 3 days is more likely.

That isn't 'love'.
It is limerence/infatuation.



Mona Pereth
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12 Feb 2021, 8:37 am

CollegeGirlAnon wrote:
I have to take a break from chatting with men online. I am a 27 year old female with aspergers. And lately I have seemed to attract a lot of abusive people online. Especially considering that I have posted emotionally in other places.

I'm sorry you've run into so much nasty behavior online. Alas that's a big problem on social media these days.

Hopefully you'll be safer here on Wrong Planet, which at least is moderated, in a reasonably prompt fashion, by live humans, to whom you can report any inappropriate private messages.

Anyhow, are you interested in having a discussion, here in this thread, on the question of how to attract more non-abusive men and attract fewer abusive men online?


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CollegeGirlAnon
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13 Feb 2021, 11:16 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
CollegeGirlAnon wrote:
I have to take a break from chatting with men online. I am a 27 year old female with aspergers. And lately I have seemed to attract a lot of abusive people online. Especially considering that I have posted emotionally in other places.

I'm sorry you've run into so much nasty behavior online. Alas that's a big problem on social media these days.

Hopefully you'll be safer here on Wrong Planet, which at least is moderated, in a reasonably prompt fashion, by live humans, to whom you can report any inappropriate private messages.

Anyhow, are you interested in having a discussion, here in this thread, on the question of how to attract more non-abusive men and attract fewer abusive men online?
I honestly just wanted to rant.

I get my advice elsewhere on relationships and stuff.


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Apparently I am an INTJ-A Personality.

TriPM Score (Taken 05/22/2021):
103 out of 174 points (99th percentile)

ADHD & ASD diagnosis made in childhood.