So far this year has been disappointing

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That's why this forum exists - talk it out here. And remember that you shouldn't believe everything you think. Depression causes negative thoughts that are just that - negative thoughts; not necessarily your true beliefs & intentions. Be the observer of your thoughts, think about them, analyze them - realize they're not entirely true; they're distorted, altered by a depressive filter & intending to trick you into believing them.

Someone very important in my life talked me out of it once in a way that I can never consider it again.

Suicide is selfish. Your death, and your choice to die will have a profound effect on people around you, especially ones who are close. Your family, your parents will be devastated, especially your brother who knows about your troubles. He will struggle with his life knowing that he somehow failed to talk you out of it and save you. Etc, etc.

I'm not gonna say that life will be great or things will improve, or that you should give it another chance. I'm saying you will be a real turd to a lot of people around you who don't deserve that happening to them. It's about them, not about you. Therefore you cannot. Period. Simple as that.

Man if you can spare the money, you should look into a new laptop or desktop...like 6 years old of a computer might be slower so may be a good thing to invest in...I have had my laptop like 5 years and have been thinking of replacing it with like one with a bigger screen and I kinda want the like glowing keyboard I have seen on some gaming laptops. Kinda silly because the only game I really play on PC is league of legends but otherwise I just play console games mostly. But still I figure if I got a specific gaming laptop all the other like programs I'd have to run for my work and keeping track of how much I am making so I can send reports to SSI would run well to. But yeah if you feel your tech is not what you want there is no shame in spending some money to get a better computer set up.

Oh, it’s not a matter of shame for me. It’s a matter of indecision as well as finances. A good laptop or PC is going to cost a lot and I’d have to put things like comic book and manga buying as well as some toys (Mostly Gundam Robot Damashiis) I want on hold. I do only stick to most of the current X-books (The only ones I don’t care for are Children of the Atom and Wolverine though I’ll have to buy the latter’s issue for the Hellfire Gala crossover event. I am glad the former won’t be a part of it.) and Teen Titans Academy as far as comics go so that will be easier to set aside.

Googled to see what discord is. Says it's a chat app. Surely you don't need a powerful laptop to run a chat app..

I bought the cheapest chromebook available for sale in store at Staples, and the display model to save 10% off the sale price too.. and I can run chat apps/zoom etc. And this particular chromebook is way cheaper in the USA. I'd imagine you could get yourself a chromebook of some kind for like $150usd and it would run chat apps just fine. (Maybe not games, though..)

Well, Skype ran slowly on my laptop and I tried to watch DC’s Fandome as well as ordered the new Made in Abyss movie to watch on a digital cinema but both heavily lagged on my laptop to the point I had to use my mother’s computer which is a 2020 model (I don’t know which kind exactly and I am away from home as I type this) to watch them so I have a feeling Discord would be slow. I think my friend who uses Discord told me the same unless I am mistaken. I actually use my iPhone for online functions for the most part.

How old is the laptop?

If you're considering replacing it, maybe try formatting it first? Sometimes things run so much smoother and better when they're reset fresh vs. just running them for years.

For chat you can use Pidgin with Discord plugin.

For voice calls... I would avoid Discord. Skype is pretty lean, you can run it on fairly old machines with no issues. That machine might need a tuneup.

I'm sure WhatsApp works well on your iPhone. There's an installable version of it for desktop use that works the same as WhatsApp Web. I use it, it's pretty good.

2015 and it’s a Dell. I got it to replace the “dadtop” I used to have. My gaming friends who, except for one, were also in the military in different capacities have told me Dell models from the year mine is from and onwards are crap. But I’ve been told maybe one of them could get it cleaned up and running better if he ever had time to show up physically.

2015 is recent enough to run anything you need. Crap doesn't mean slow. My employer only buys Dell because we get volume discounts, and they're crap in terms of build quality but slow they are not. The performance is fine, they just aren't pleasant to use.

Get it sorted, it's perfectly adequate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1n0_bIOvzs&t=12s

Another lonely Friday night for me.