I don't want to exist anymore

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i'd really love to hear more about this, if you don't mind

Nope....not a saint. A flawed human being with some good aspects.

You are allowed to exist for yourself though. Because you are also a valuable person. You don't have to justify your existence for anyone.
Especially since you didn't choose to be born anyway.

Although i also do get these kinds of thoughts from time to time. That bc i don't have anyone in my life my life is meaningless. But then i say, so what if it is meaningless? I still have things that i enjoy in life even if it doesn't matter to anyone. It matters to me that i am happy, and that i enjoy some things in life. So i don't care if life is "meaningful"

Idk if this would help, but i do get what you mean. But at the same time, i feel no responsibility anymore to "make life meaningful"

no doubt about the good aspects part
i had a later dream that showed me in a future lifetime, i had darker skin, was athletic and compact, spoke a different language and was married to a dark-skinned woman and we had two kids together.

^Maybe you're a "chosen one," somehow (I don't mean this sarcastically).

I've had dreams of a previous time----but never a future time.

will you please tell me more about that? i don't know what i'm "chosen" for and dread the possibilities.

Not for anything bad....maybe to spread wisdom.

I'm not really a "spiritual"-type person. But I am reflecting on my own future mortality since my mother passed away 12 days ago.

If it's "meaningful" or not is quite irrelevant. The life of all animals and humans could be considered meaningless. The existence of our entire solar system or cosmos could be considered meaningless. Just ask a nihilist about how meaningful the existence of humanity is. Does that mean they should stop existing?

They bring diversity into the universe. A unique form of existence. No matter what they do with their life.

Existence is preferable over non-existence. No matter if it's "meaningful" or not. What matters is whether you feel comfortable with existence, and if you find ways to enjoy it.

The definitions of the word "meaningful" are limited by the ego, "cultural programming", the very limited extent of human consciousness, etc. So the word "meaningful" is pretty much meaningless. It can mean everything or nothing. If you want a meaningful life, then just define the word "meaningful" in a way which makes it possible to make your life meaningful.

E.g. you may find meaning in creating things no one has ever created before. Because it brings novelty into the universe (my very limited ego and consciousness tell me that there wouldn't be much real novelty in the universe without life existing). Or you may find meaning in helping or inspiring other people to enjoy their existence.