Why are therapists the most awful people in the world?

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Yes, that's true. I'm just venting my frustration. I don't require an answer. (Even if I knew the why, it wouldn't really help.)

Perhaps this varies by region, culture, ethnicity, and/or socioeconomic class of the patient?

Other factors being equal, most therapists in Western countries are likely to have a white upper-middle-class bias, which people from other backgrounds may experience as condescension.

Also, to this day, many therapists are not well-informed about adult autism, and thus are not well-informed about the ways that "evidence-based" approaches that work fine for most NT's might not work so well for many autistic people.

bee33, I've had a bunch of awful therapists. At best they were well meaning and kind, but not very smart or knowledgable. At worst, well, at worst I was the victim of sexual and emotional abuse by two different therapists.

I understand that many people have found value in therapy and had therapists they considered good. I am truly glad for that.

But not me. And not you either, it sounds like. I'm sorry for you because I know how rotten that feels.

I thought my first session with one therapist was going really well.  I did all the talking with no interruptions, until I realized he had fallen asleep.  I sneaked out, quietly closed the door, and told his receptionist that it was our final session.

Another therapist kept me waiting until my appointment time was done.  When his client left, and he asked who was next, I raised my hand.  I told him my name.  He looked shocked.  He thought the person he had been with was me.  I told him there would be no more sessions.

Another invited me to her home for a group session.  When I arrived, I found out that the 'group' was going to be just she and me.  Dinner was great . . . so was breakfast.  We had a few more such 'sessions', but it did not last.  Best therapist I ever had, anyway.

___________

I have known 42 counselors. Including trained volunteers.

12 is not a representative sample

However, it would take a lot of time, cash, and energy to go to all the counselors in the world

Certainly it is not necessary to exhaust every last resource, in order to be able to draw a conclusion

Besides, you still have to pay for the counseling and that means working a lot of hours

What would you like a therapist to do for you? What would a great therapist be like?

Listen.

I have found quite a few therapists who would listen to me and what I had to say. They generally didn't offer many solutions to my problems, though, which was a bummer. I am more of a solution focused individual. I want actions to solve my problem.

It is not possible to measure how "awful" someone or something is

How good someone is at their job has no relationship to how good someone is as a "person"

However, *someone* has to be the "most awful"

i don't know how helpful this would be to the OP but i have had good luck with Rogerian Therapy. but some have had good luck with its opposite, Ellisian [Rational-Emotive] therapy.

I would think Humanistic Therapy would be beneficial if you want a therapist to listen and unconditionally accept you.

The type of therapy doesn't matter if the therapist doesn't listen. That is the most fundamental function of the therapist: to listen to the patient so they can understand what is going on with them, first and foremost. I have never found a therapist who listened. They have always just made assumptions and it was impossible to disabuse them of their erroneous assumptions. After that it only goes from bad to worse. There is more and more miscommunication and it gets more and more frustrating for the patient, until I can't take it anymore.

I've never had an experience that was not this.

i'm sorry you were not able to find a useful therapist. there are some who wonder what a Rogerian therapist does aside from listen.

I remember the psychology students at college seemed like a very smug bunch, kind of closed books, observing, wry looking, as if in possession of some esoteric secret. The psychologists I know have ALL behaved terribly, numerous affairs and debauchery, bad parents too.

These are just my impressions though.

Psychiatry:

One of my first psychiatrists lost his licence for sleeping with patients. One of them was a drug-pushing lackey for big pharma. One of them who was my neuropsychiatrist for ADHD was actually quite good. He's considered a world expert in ADHD management. Unfortunately he's so busy he cuts people off from contact after six months and refers them to their GP. I wish I could talk to him more, just about my ADHD meds if nothing else.


Psychology:

I had an outstanding trauma psychiatrist for many years. He's the one who was a Holocaust survivor. He did his doctorate on Holocaust captivity trauma, and his area of expertise was CPTSD. He changed my life, but as an old man he became senile. At the end he only kept me and two other patients but eventually I had to say goodbye. I was never able to replace him because where I live, providers are only allowed to give CBT therapy. It's considered more cost- and time-efficient than DBT or other forms of treatment, even if the patients are autistic. I don't respond to CBT at all and in fact it feels like gaslighting to me when I'm told to think through my neurodevelopmental conditions and make them go away. I've tried a few trauma / ADHD / ASD psychologists since that excellent man, but I gave up on them because of the CBT. That man didn't do CBT because he was old school and spent most of his career in Manhattan where CBT isn't mandated. I miss him a lot.



Social Work:

I had quite a few social workers between my child custody matters, my strokes, and my autism. They were actually a little better than the CBT psychologists because at least their focus was on real issues instead of cognitive hokus pokus. I'd recommend that anyone who is fed up with psychology give social work a try. Their reach is somewhat limited but it encompasses more than I imagined it would.



Occupational Therapy:

I loved it for Sensory Integration Disorder. I hated it for my stroke. My stroke OT was quite condescending and kept suggesting I was overexaggerating the effects of my stroke. In reality, the skills she expected of me were things I'd never mastered in the first place prior to my stroke. I hadn't been diagnosed ASD at that point so she was dumbfounded why I kept saying I couldn't do certain things, like making eye contact or pursuing social engagement. We actually had a huge argument where I burst into tears because she kept insinuating I was lying about my abilities for disability insurance purposes. She thought I was exaggerating what the stroke did to me even though I kept saying I "always" had those limitations. This experience was actually instrumental at making me realise I was not "normal" developmentally, and wondering why. I'd love to tell her all my diagnoses since our last session. It might help with her awareness and acceptance of neurodiversity in the ABI community.


Speech Therapy:

I had it as a child, for mutism. I don't really remember the provider but I liked going because I got to miss class and wear cool headphones. I had SLP therapy again, at home, post-stroke, and she was the first person to tell me the term "Executive Function". She was confused at how little EF I had and kind of thought I was faking it like the stroke OT had said, but she was much more helpful. She got me speaking again. She also worked on my EF by helping me learn to plan tasks beginning, middle, and end. Overall it wasn't very helpful but her intention and skill were quite good. I decided on my own to pursue SLP again in 2020 to help with self-advocacy which was limited by my mutism. I actually wanted to learn how to stand up for myself in the groomer situation, even though it was "over" (technically) by then. The groomer was still pestering and harassing me. I had been shunned from another autism forum so I wanted the confidence of better communication skill even if it was in written form. I also wanted to work on my verbal communication / mutism / shutdowns "in real life", especially with one of my friends and with my mother. I quit this provider when she finally got me speaking verbally with confidence and assertiveness, but then stuck her hand in my face to tell me to shut up.

Screw that.

What do I do? Do I keep trying with yet another therapist, knowing that the result is likely to be the same? Do I try to cope on my own? I am really struggling and don't think I can cope on my own, but if someone is going to make things worse for me, then that is obviously not helpful.

I already know that I don't want "therapy." It can't help me and it's maddening, because it only creates false expectations that things can be improved, which is extremely stressful, because it's very seductive to think that life could be more bearable, but when it turns out that it can't, it's a real letdown. And it's much worse to try fruitless and sometimes very stressful things that leave you bruised and broken than it is to just leave things as they are. I have always had therapists encourage me to want things I can't have and to try to do things I can't do. That is the opposite of helpful. (I assumed it was because of ASD that I find the things they want me to do extremely stressful. But maybe not because it seems many people on WP have gotten something out of therapy. For instance I had a therapist encourage me to be around people in order to be less depressed, but interacting with people I don't know well is the most exhausting and difficult activity there is for me. I can do it somewhat okay when I'm well, but definitely not when I am burnt out and in a fragile emotional state. I just fall apart.)

What I do want is someone I can talk to. That's the only thing I want from a therapist, and I have very clearly said as much to every therapist I have seen in recent years, once I had figured it out that this is what I need and that "therapy" only screws me up. But they won't do it. I think it goes against their professional vanity to just be listeners instead of thinking they have some magical power to fix things.