Cruelty

Post Reply New Topic

what are your thoughts of trying the ER for your pain? there are now-legal things you can buy to reduce your mental pain. i highly recommend them.

I do have legal prescription gummies, but they haven't really helped. I also have Klonopin. It helps a little bit.

have you asked your pdoc for something with more power?

What did you have in mind? Opioids are not prescribed for emotional pain, and I don't think I would or should take the risk if they were. I've been prescribed ketamine but so far I've been too afraid to try it.

I've heard Ketamine yields great results for persistent depression.
I'd try it in a heatbeat if it was offered.
But they seem to laugh it off here.
Like, you have to try this terrible course of talk therapy first, which I know doesn't work.

I'm very afraid of taking it alone because of the dissociative effects. I've had it in the house since Thanksgiving and have not even opened the package. (They are sublingual troches.) It's a very low dose so it shouldn't have a dramatic effect, but I'm already so fragile that any potentially unsettling experience is very frightening to me. But a friend did recently offer to sit with me, so maybe?

My other concern is that I don't think I have depression, I have a life circumstance that has broken me. Reading about major depression, I read that an episode typically lasts 6 to 12 months, and for me it's been almost two years. Depression that lasts longer than two years used to be called dysthymia, but that is much milder and what I am experiencing is not mild. So if ketamine is a treatment for depression and what is ailing me is not depression, I'm not sure what to make of that either.

Where I am, you have to have it by injection in a clinic, so it's very expensive because someone has to sit with you for hours.
Maybe you should take your friend up on that offer.

Being ND, too, I don't think we necessarily follow the standard time constraints of...anything.
I know I haven't processed my grief yet.
Or begun to.
Almost 5 years now.

I also tell my therapist I'm 'not depressed'.
Then what is this?

Not sure where you are but I'm in Texas, not known for being liberal about these things, so possibly sublingual troches might be available where you are if you find the right psychiatrist?

As far as depression, I've been reading up on it recently and nothing seems to fit. One is the timeline I mentioned, then there's the emphasis on a marked difference between your usual self and your suddenly depressed self. For me, it's far more severe after what happened, but my baseline seems to fit the symptoms better than the current state I'm in.

This is one list of depression symptoms:

Feeling sad or having a depressed mood -Yes. I would call it anguish and despair, but I suspect so would a depressed person.
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed -No.
Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting -No.
Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much -I have chronic fatigue so yes but always.
Loss of energy or increased fatigue -I have chronic fatigue so yes but always.
Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., inability to sit still, pacing, handwringing) or slowed movements or speech (these actions must be severe enough to be observable by others) -No.
Feeling worthless or guilty -No.
Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions -No more than usual.
Thoughts of death or suicide -Yes.

I mean, do I have depression if I have almost none of the symptoms?

Hello bee,

Is this pain related to the situation you are in? You mentioned emotional abuse.
If you feel like you are being emotionally abused you need to talk it through with someone like a counsellor or an abuse victim hotline or something like that, where there are experts who can suggest options for either improving or escaping from the relationship.

From my own experience, it is imperative to get out of any situation of emotional abuse in one way or another before it harms your mental health. Seek assistance if you can.

I think you can also vent here on WP haven if you need and can do so anonymously, this is hopefully a relatively safe and supportive space, for the most part.

if it is a pill or caplet, how 'bout titrating the dose [pill splitting] so you ease into it with a small first dose, and if all goes well, a slightly larger second dose until you reach the full therapeutic dose? just a thought.

I'd start looking for the off ramp, build one if I had to. You deserve to feel safe, to be comfortable , be respected.

I have been seeing a therapist and psychiatrist for two years. I am currently on my third therapist and third psychiatrist in that time. The first two of each were worse than useless and actually harmed me. The most recent two I like but it may just be too early to tell. It has already severely harmed my mental health and I will never be okay again. But the last thing I want is to get out. I am being pushed out, as he will not speak to me other than by email and has recently agreed to meet in person once a month, which is unspeakably cruel. The cruelty does not ever stop or subside, but being cut off from him is the worst possible thing. I am ravaged by pain nonstop.

Last edited by bee33 on 08 Jan 2024, 7:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

That is the worst thing I could possibly imagine.

The thing that hurts me is being away from him and not being able to have contact with him except minimally. It is absolutely intolerable and a devastating pain. I would never willingly choose to have less contact or no contact with him. He means as much to me as my mother did, who has since passed away. If my mother had lost her mind and suddenly wanted little or nothing to do with me, it would have been absolutely devastating and I would never stop trying to stay in contact and to restore the contact that we had. He has been my best and closest friend for 41 years, since we were 18 years old. I cannot conceive of my life without him in it.

I have been begging him to get help to try to restore whatever has happened to him, which I suspect is a stroke, or to at least understand that what he is doing and his thinking is not normal. That has him pulling away from me even more. But what can I do? The only thing he responds to is if I am breezy and casual, and pretend that everything is fine, but I am doubled over in agony and can only pretend to be that way only very occasionally.

Sweet Pea hugs