Therapy styles that work for autistic adults

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Knowing one’s self or “self knowledge”, I think, is a life long endeavor. To some extent various helping professionals have contributed to my self knowledge. I was also raised in a Catholic family and am a Catholic believer. I even go so far as to say “I identify as Catholic” or “I identify as Christian”. It isn’t just something I do, it is something I am.
Self knowledge, for me, necessarily involves my Spiritual self as well as my biophysical self.
I am interested in, have read extensively on, “Scientific” theories of self: the genetic, the chemical, the cellular. Then there are the “Soft Sciences” such as Psychology, and Sociology, and even Political Science, Nonverbal communication. These have to do with things more unmeasurable, less quantifiable. People things. The biochemical view of the brain only partially overlaps the psychological view of the brain. How people interact is yet more complex and how I interact with people (and have interacted) is part of my self. Some people stop after those two. Others go on. On beyond physics. The word “metaphysics” as originally used means literally “beyond physics” or “beyond the study of energy and motion”. It might have meant “my book after my book about physics” but it might also have meant “what lies beyond physics”.
Freud was uninterested in metaphysics, Jung was not. Stephen Hawking was not interested in metaphysics, Louis Pasteur was.
My current individual therapist is trained in Pastoral Counseling and Spiritual Direction. As I have said I have worked with a number of therapists and a number of different techniques (CBT, ACT and DBT). I also take medication for anxiety and ADHD. I am trying to work on my whole self, all parts.

I had to go through several therapists before I found one who was able to help me. the first ones just kept asking me about my abusive past, asking me "how does that make you feel " and I spent all the therapy time saying "I don't know" and weeping.

I could not identify my emotions at all.

The last therapist figured out that I had been "over controlled" and had loads of trauma in my past, and I needed to learn to discern when I was being manipulated, intimidated , how to set boundaries and enforce them... in essence how to defend myself from others in healthy self assertive ways.

He figured out that I needed to read and write for my best understanding, so assigned me a chapter book to read, asked me to write about things in the book, and then I would bring that back, read it together and he would talk about it and explain.

I needed lots of explanation because I did not understand that I could respond in any way or situation to others besides the compliance and subservience/appeasement behavior that I had learned early in life through trauma and abuse.
Those behaviors were not serving me now as an adult, and I needed new "tools" to do life. He didn't poke and prod about my emotions but gave me actual insights about healthy behavior, healthy choices and "how to do it".

I have no idea of what that kind of therapy is called, but it was what worked for me. I tell people counseling saved my life and my sanity. I have never done anything for myself that helped more than that therapy. It was as if the weight of the world had been on me and it was lifted. Miraculous! <3

More detail on using DBT for Autism or ADHD:

. Understanding Wise Mind

1. Emotional Regulation:
- ASD Trait: Difficulty understanding and expressing emotions, leading to emotional outbursts or shutdowns.
- Wise Mind Skill: Mindfulness and Emotion Regulation.
- Practice: Mindfulness helps individuals with ASD become more aware of their emotional states and physical sensations. Techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, and body scans can be calming and help manage sensory overload.

2. Social Communication Challenges:
- ASD Trait: Difficulty with social interactions, understanding social cues, and maintaining conversations.
- Wise Mind Skill: Interpersonal Effectiveness.
- Practice: DEAR MAN skills (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate) can help individuals with ASD articulate their needs clearly and assertively. Role-playing social scenarios can also build confidence.

3. Rigid Thinking and Behavior:
- ASD Trait: Preference for routines and difficulty adapting to change.
- Wise Mind Skill: Distress Tolerance.
- Practice: Building distress tolerance through activities like guided imagery, distraction techniques, and self-soothing strategies can help individuals with ASD cope with changes and unexpected situations.

4. Sensory Sensitivities:
- ASD Trait: Over- or under-sensitivity to sensory stimuli (e.g., lights, sounds, textures).
- Wise Mind Skill: Mindfulness.
- Practice: Sensory grounding techniques, such as focusing on specific sensory inputs that are calming (e.g., a favorite texture or scent), can help manage sensory sensitivities. Mindful awareness of sensory experiences can also reduce anxiety.

. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Traits and Wise Mind Skills

1. Impulsivity:
- ADHD Trait: Acting without thinking, difficulty delaying gratification.
- Wise Mind Skill: Distress Tolerance and Emotion Regulation.
- Practice: Techniques like the STOP skill (Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully) can help manage impulsive reactions. Emotion regulation strategies, such as identifying and labeling emotions, can also reduce impulsivity.

2. Inattention:
- ADHD Trait: Difficulty maintaining focus, easily distracted.
- Wise Mind Skill: Mindfulness.
- Practice: Mindfulness exercises that enhance attention and focus, such as focused breathing, mindful listening, and guided meditation, can improve concentration and reduce distractibility.

3. Hyperactivity:
- ADHD Trait: Excessive movement, fidgeting, difficulty staying still.
- Wise Mind Skill: Distress Tolerance and Mindfulness.
- Practice: Incorporating physical activity into mindfulness practices, such as mindful walking or yoga, can channel hyperactivity into productive and calming activities. Distress tolerance skills like paced breathing can also help manage hyperactivity.

4. Emotional Dysregulation:
- ADHD Trait: Intense emotions, rapid mood swings.
- Wise Mind Skill: Emotion Regulation.
- Practice: Using the ABC PLEASE skill (Accumulating positive emotions, Building mastery, Coping ahead, treating PhysicaL illness, balancing Eating, avoiding mood-Altering substances, getting regular Sleep, and getting Exercise) can help manage and stabilize emotions. Regular practice of these self-care strategies can mitigate mood swings.

. Practical Examples and Integration

. Example for ASD
- Scenario: A change in routine causes anxiety.
- Practice: Use mindfulness to acknowledge and accept the anxiety. Employ distress tolerance skills like self-soothing (e.g., listening to calming music) to manage the immediate discomfort. Prepare for future changes by gradually introducing small variations in routine.

. Example for ADHD
- Scenario: Difficulty focusing on a task at work.
- Practice: Implement a mindfulness exercise, such as setting a timer for focused work intervals
(Pomodoro Technique) and practicing deep breathing during breaks. Use emotion regulation
skills to manage frustration by identifying triggers and practicing positive self-talk.

. Summary
Integrating DBT Wise Mind skills with the traits of ASD and ADHD involves using tailored strategies to manage emotions, improve social communication, enhance focus, and cope with sensory sensitivities. By practicing mindfulness, emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance, individuals with ASD and ADHD can achieve a more balanced and effective approach to their daily challenges.

DBT sounds a lot like what the therapist will do to my bank account.

I'd rather just help my parents buy their beach house for retirement, and just f**k my life...