My brother said something extremely hurtful.

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deep-techno wrote:
I was setting my computer back up in my room and needed a couple of power supplied from my brother's room. He was playing some dance music that I said I liked. I also said that I needed to cut down on it as I've already got enough music (Roughly 10GB worth). He asked whether I was going to listen to new music, and I replied by saying that I was happy with what I've got. Here's when the insults started.

He said something along the lines of "Well most people like to listen to new music, rather than listening to the same song over and over again". I said that I was just happy with what I have. Then it got worse.

He said "If you're just going to keep saying 'I do this. I'm autistic' then you're not going to get very far in life." Although he said he was tolerant of my AS and always has been, this doesn't seem like it. He also said "It's fine having academic achievements but you also need a personal life".

This really upset me because it made me feel like society treats autistics with minimal respect. It also give me the impression that I should be like everyone instead of being myself. I don't want to talk to my brother.

Comments appreciated.

Sounds like you need to learn a few retorts to deal with your brother, he seems to have stung you well. I hate to have to point this out to you, but your brother is sort of right in saying you cant use being autistic as an excuse for anything, which I suspect is why his jibes got to you. You should at least try at being social, having intelligence is one thing, being able to apply it is another. You need networks in order to get an opportunity to apply intelligence, unfortuantly thats the way the world works. There is no point basing your life an idealistic ideal of what the world should be, base your life on the world actually is. Society does treat aspies and so on with the minimum of respect, if you want to do something about that then you will have to build networks and so on. Dont take what I am say as a dig, more like a suggestion. I suspect if you try to act a little NT you will be happier in the long run. You just need to get over the ideological barrier. Good luck!


I got a major chest pain (I mean it!! !! !!) when I read this reply, above...

What the hell is the matter with you? (I am sorry for using the word hell). Who are you? Are you autistic? I do not think so... How can you tell this young man that he should try to act as an NT? Nobody should act like they are something that they aren't or they CAN'T!! ! He is not an autistic or an NT, he is just himself, beautiful just the way he is. I can read between lines and in other ways and that's how I can tell he is a gentle soul. I want to act like an NT and I can't!! ! Watch my posts, read them, I am not a whinner, I am not weak, I am not making excuses, I showed with the way I lead my life that I am strong and willing and I am compassionate etc. you get the idea. Can't you see that his family is freaked out because they don't understand how he feels? NOBODY SHOULD "ACT" IN LIFE. Please don't give this kind of advice!! ! You are teaching him to give up and work extra hard to "act"! !! He should not act, he can learn to understand their feelings and work together to make it better for them to understand his. Are you saying that he is condemned to be an actor? I don't know about anybody else, but I have been treated like a weirdo, but I was strong and I gave a chance to people to take a glimpse at my soul and I do get a lot of love from the same people that were treating me disrespectful and cold before. I think that this "acting" idea is just BAD!! !

Maybe you're right about learning to act "better". I just can't imagine how I can function in a crowded bar or in a fire drill, with a smile on my face (I had a lot of those fire drills at the hospital where I worked before and after I secured the patients, it was just a drill, but it was long-long and I just found myself in the supply room, every time, in a fetal position covering my eyes and my ears the best I could, the drill had very strong lights and sound signals; the funny thing, when I think back about the fire drills, is that one time it was another person in the supply room, feeling just like me and we were so terrified of the drill's noise and stuff, that initially didn't even know that someone else was "hiding" in there, so I wasn't the only one AS in the hospital...). [i]I am not questioning your autism, I am sorry if I came across like I was[/i]. I just think that if I have to act as something, I will just crawl in a corner and die, but in a way, I am dead already, I don't even want to elaborate with this...
Don't be mad at me, I just had strong feelings about the "acting like NT's" thing. Maybe I will try to do a better job at that, I do have friends that did told me and tought me a lot about little things that I can do to improve.
Please try to be as nice to me as you were in your private message where you said that you enjoy my comments. I don't like to fight.
I still think that the guy that started the post can convince his family that he is OK the way he is (the whole thing started from an innocent liking he has for his old music, my G-d, and their reaction was too strong and uncalled for), I don't think that they want to hurt him, but they are hurt themselves.

OK, we're cool. You did not write to me, the pm I was talking about was from m... another aspie. I am very absent minded lately, I have a lot of reasons that I try to get rid of...
Thanks for the advice, the sticking of fingers I do well, but I understand it's "weird" for other people, for being 37 and a professional, I wish people would know more and just cut some slack.
I have my theory why autistic people go into seizures and I think that many of them could be avoided if people would be more considerate with them.
And yes, you're right again, maybe what I said sounds like I am encouraging him to act like an AS. English is second language and no matter how accurate I try to express what I want to say, it comes out ambiguos many many times, sometimes it sounds like a line from a comedy. (First time I saw a narghila, the arabic pipe, I asked my friends: "So do you suck or blow?" It was really quiet for a moment and afterwards everybody was laughing, including myself and that's only one times, it was many others...).
Anyway, good luck and enjoy life, you have the right attitude it seems.

I come from a large family that had a lot of aspies, and we used to drive each other crazy with our stims and perseverations. My brother would play the same song over and over until I screamed at him to please stop. Then it would be my mother screaming at me to stop playing that same #** song over and over. Or it would be my sister, rocking the bed and preventing me from sleeping. Or my brother playing his drums. I wonder that I have any sanity left, today.