What triggered your most horrible depression?

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My happily-ever-after soulmate was killed in a motorbike accident. It changed absolutely everything for me and plunged me into my worst depressive episode so far.

When the girl I loved left me twice becasue I had some problems with trying to understand her, she knew it wasn't my fault, but she still left.

I had severe dysthymia for several years in my late teens. It did not have a definite cause. It just felt like I was carrying this huge weight with me all the time and life seemed more and more pointless all the time. The worst part about dysthymia is that people are so judgmental about it. Everyone thinks you are just weak and have nothing to be depressed about. It pissed me off. People who have never had this have no clue what it is like. They don't know what it feels like when you can't experience pleasure even while doing your favorite activities. I even had psychologists tell me to just “snap out of it”.

Just thinking about all the ignorant judgmental people was enough to make me feel suicidal. Around the age of 18 it got so bad that I had a whole bunch of tests to see if there was something physically wrong. Of course they found nothing.

Am I the only one who has been depressed without a definite cause? It scares me to think of how depressed I would become if something horrible did happen in my life. Then again, maybe it wouldn’t so bad for me since I’m so used to feeling slightly depressed all the time, even with antidepressants. I'm kind of emotionally numb most of the time.

My parents telling me I couldn't live at home unless I went to college, whilst at the same time refusing not only to help pay for college, but refusing to even sign the letter that said they weren't helping pay for it so that I could get a decent amount of financial aid.

Also since thsee same parents had not allowed me to have a job in high school I only had $500 to my name at the time they enacted this rule. I also didn't have a job - i'd been putting in job applications but wasn't even getting called for an interview. No surprise there - after all who would call in an 18 year old who had just graduated high school for an interview? Thats the type of employee who is most likely to leave you at the end of the summer

oh...lets see....the worst one happened when I was 22....
I had broken up with my boyfriend of 6 years...and had rented a room in a cool neighborhood....and a few months down the line, had aquired a new boyfriend who i thought I was "In love with"...but something happened so that in the midst of this new relationship I experienced a severe emotional breakdown. Granted, it scared the guy away, which of course. did not help me snap out of it. It took several months....
I think the direct trigger of the serious depression was the shock of going from this really structured existance to living on my own. It took me a long time to adjust..

It would be a tie - between when a flatmate in Hawkes bay was emotionally/psychologically hysterical and abusive to me, and when I got in trouble with the law over sexual harrassment and my mother had an honest talk with me that I could not handle. In both cases the other parties didn't know I had AS, and I had suicidal impulses.

being born

My closest online friend disapearing.

I did it to myself by coming so close to cheating.

Feeling so utterly alone and isolated from other people and believing that this will never change. These feelings arise from time to time as I realise that being non-social is not normal. I also sometimes feel that I've done irreversible damage to myself and my relationships and that I can never change sufficiently. This idea is probably the biggest trigger I have and is the main cause of my current depression.

I moved to a new town where I didn't know anyone. My wife was supposed to follow me after I'd gotten situated there, but after I was ready, and flew back to help her pack, she told me she wanted a divorce. I was missing my best friend, so I went to visit him for some relief and to tell him about the craziness I had just walked into. He was cagey and distant, and didn't seem to appreciate my visit. After I'd flown back to my new home, he stopped answering my calls and emails, and I later found out he married my wife. On top of this, my new job turned out to be pretty shaky, with the company almost going under. Alone in a new town without friends or my wife, I pretty much unraveled.

The culmination of a lot of things.

I suppose it was the first time I had to inject adrenaline in my mid sons leg for the first time. He's allergic to cow milk proteine. I completely broke up afterwards, and had a epileptic grand mal seisure in hospital. I forgot my medicine in the rush. So my son in intensive care called for help.

I can't say that I was happy after that experience. I don't remember anything except waking up on the floor with a lot of needles in me. My ex wanted to kill me.

Edit: She didn't want to kill me because of the allergic reaction, it was because I didn't call her and had our son hospitalized and she didn't just now anything happening around. It's quite hard to describe, but I just went into auto-mode when I called for emergency action. It was like I stepped out of myself and just took the action needed. I don't call it fun, but it's a nessecary step to go into.

Being ostracized by someone I adored.

There are two I can think of, both so black I couldn't say which was worse.

1) When I was about 9, my biggest, most crippling phobia became my obsession. You can only guess what that led to...


2) At the beginning of this year, when I went on the contraceptive pill. It led to months of the blackest depression and most ridiculous hormonal outbursts. I remember crying at a tree one morning.

When I found out my girlfriend was with two other guys. It tore me apart inside. I'm probably still a bit depressed about it since it's rather recent.