I feel awful about school and life and stuff

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That's mostly your inner aspie talking.

I think that if most of us could go back to school knowing what we know now, we'd do things very differently.

I got a whole heap of high distinctions at uni but do you think they bothered to mention grades on my degree - nope, they just indicated that I now have a degree.

I can appreciate the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" viewpoint, but it's determining the broke part that's tricky. When a person becomes self-loathing or suicidal, it's safe to say that things are in need of change, risks be damned. A cost/benefit analysis is required.

What's tricky is that depressions don't just arrive fully formed, so it's hard to appreciate the extent of the problem. Depressions usually take months to develop, so there isn't an identifiable point at which one becomes depressed. Like dust gathering on a TV screen, you don't really notice it, so you don't perceive a change. It isn't until it's wiped away that you realize how bad it had gotten. Without that clear comparison, though, it's reasonable to say that things aren't any worse than they've ever been.

I've also heard people say that they think drugs will make them into someone alien, but that's not the case. With the exception of psychotic states, whatever your brain does will feel genuine to you. When you're depressed, the emptiness and misery feels volitional. When you're in love, the elation involved isn't questioned. Our brains evolved to feel ownership of and create rationalization for everything we do and feel. Antidepressants, when they work, will be indistinguishable from simply feeling better.

It's not a big deal to me.

I know that in at least one class, I have one of the lowest grades. I managed to achieve a C-minus in chemistry earlier this term, while the other grades I saw were 'A's and 'B's. I'm pretty sure that I didn't work hard enough if I'm going to just go and get a C-minus. Back in middle school my parents flipped out at me the first time I got a 'C', because I'm "not an average student".



I'm not sure if I can just suddenly spill my heart out to my friends and family. I don't talk much - they're probably not used to that.



Well, the way I feel is that as long as I'm acting inwardly, I'm not hurting anyone. I've heard bad things about drugs, and I'd hate to go from acting in to acting out.

I'm not sure when the last time was that I've felt like this. Back in middle school there was almost no end to my academic problems. I think I'm starting to slack off for some reason, and that's doing a number on my grades. I just don't knw why I started like this - at the beginning of the year things didn't seem so bad. By the time my first report card came, though, I think my mind started to shift from academics.

Bright people have average moments. That's a lesson they will just have to learn.

Agreed!

Also, just because your family aren't used to you talking doesn't mean they won't want to listen to you if there's a problem. It could be that they don't know how to approach the topic or just don't realise that you are bottling it all in.

and even if you mess up a couple of exams, so what? There are re-marks, repeats, gap years... You'll find a way to get into the course you want, don't worry! You have not ruined your life at all!

Well, also, I'm not comfortable myself having them know a lot about my personal life. We're not so close.