So lonely and depressed...

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you get that as well i didnt know if many people got that, does anyone suffer lack of memory after alot of anger?

suicide always brings pain but, most of it is felt by those close to you who care for you

Ebec, you are smart and beautiful and I can see you are also a kind person. I know depressions are hard and its the worst feeling in the world but please don't hurt yourself. Don't know if this helps but remind yourself that you have not seen much of life and that what you're feeling is most likely because of a chemical imbalance NOT because the world doesn't like you or because you are not worthy of attention.

I say this to everyone here, please hang in there, once you are 18 your life changes dramatically (and for the better). As a teenager your body is going a lot of hormonal changes and it may affect your depressions.. as a teenager there is not much you can do about your situation but at 18 this all changes.

You have us here, talk to us, let us make you smile

Thank goodness I waited, damn emotions overpowered me. I'm better now...not going to kill myself anymore, though I'm still convinced that I'm a b****. I'm on anti depressants, but they're not working, and I can't get a hold of my doctor. I'm losing my therapist in a week, and I'm going through a lot of garbage at home. It's very frustrating sometimes, and the only reason I'm here is because I have a poetry unit next in my English class.

Not if I'm dead, but since I'm not doing it, I won't digress

I'm glad you're still here.

Please get another doctor if yours isn't there for you. I've heard that some anti-depressants can actually make things worse.. and this may what is happening to you.

keep posting and think positive

Maybe I'm just being selfish, I certainly hope not, but I feel as though I'd be happier if I died very soon..... Lonliness and isolation are a big part of it, but not just because of my AS, also because I am a free thinking truth seeker...... Meaning I'm too damn real for most people to tolerate, because our society worships lies and self-deceptive BS.
I truely feel for all the pain I see people inflicting upon one another....... I doubt very many here will understand me. Most are just cogs in the machine, happy slaves sleepwalking into this dark New World Order.... Everyone loves to point fingers and accuse others, but they'll be damned if they'll look at themselves critically first. Our entire damn world is plastic and fake as hell. People are more concerned with their egos than anything.
I wouldn't be coming down so hard on people if I did not care about them, honestly. But once one truely awakens, they'll never see the world the same way again... It's a one way road, and over half the people I've met here are sheep.
So I see all these wars, diseases, oppression, hunger, going on all over the world, as people rally into the "team sport of political activism". All this suffering in our world, that could so easily be avoided if people woke up and opened their eyes, and stopped playing the f*****g blame game, stopped supporting tyranny....... Stop caring more about fitting in with the herd than dealing with the facts. Stop thinking ones religion, race, gender, political label, etc are virtuous beyond all question and stop denying that no matter who you are, what "category" you fit into, neither you nor your category are "all virtuous". Because EVERYONE created this mess, EVERYONE, and it's up to people to *gasp* actually take responsibility by AT LEAST admitting they've contributed in some degree.
I mean we live in a society that VALUES ignorance, group think, apathy, laziness, selfishness, hypocracy, etc as essential qualities to be "normal" in society, while we outcast traits such as intelligence, individuality, open mindedness, selflessness, integrity..... And people do not even see this as a problem, in fact most will blatantly deny it.
Our society, as a friend wrote:
People are so damned comfortable so long as they have their house, car, TV, football, beer, video games, etc, that they are so willing to just ignore everything around them. They think we live in a free society, nay, the BEST country in the world... that they almost fear getting involved in politics (even so far as to have an opinion), as if they would screw something up or be proven wrong, because they are stupid... like politics should be left to the politicians because they do it for a profession. Funny thing is the politicians are no more educated than the people on matters of politics. The only difference is politicians are paid by both tax dollars and corporations to push bills through. The most insane part about this whole predicament though.... the fact that what I just said is public knowledge. Everyone knows politicians are corrupt, that corporations really control what laws are passed...but no one cares. Corporations give them fast food, and technology. Corporations build their cars and heat their buildings. Corporations are a necessary evil... no... morally good, in the eyes of the populus. Sacrifices must be made for our luxury, and people know this.

NAZI Germany is on it's way back, today America, tomorrow the world.... Sadly, the people usher it in, sleepwalking the entire path. People will make the death bed they lie in...... Sadly, innocent children will also be forced to lie in their beds.

I know exactly how you feel, Ebec11. Last month, in a fit of absolute depression and stress-related anxiety, I chopped off my hair (my husband was horrified). I can't sit here and tell you not to kill yourself when I have suicidal thoughts all the time (and I'm probably a lot older than you are). What stops me? I guess it's the unkown - if there's a heaven or a hell, or complete nothingness but you're still aware of it. That, and the knowledge that my son will be lost without me. I worry what will happen to him in this cold, cruel and hard world if I'm not here for him.

In a word, it's fear that still keeps me here, and hope. Before you decide to chop something off that you might need, try a change of scenery. Get a relative or a friend to take you somewhere else - the mountains, or the beach, just someplace new where you can gather your thoughts. That's what I do. I don't know if it will work for you or not, but maybe it's worth a try. Yes, I chopped off my hair, but it's already growing back. You might need that arm, and it won't grow back.

"What stops me? I guess it's the unknown"



That's something very important for the younger people here to think about.

You do not know what will happen the next day or the next year. Your life could change completely and for the better and in ways you will never expect it. I've mentioned this in another thread but i'll say it again here... before I knew of AS my life DID change dramatically several times..all for the better. My family had to leave everything behind and flee our country due to the violence taking place.. we moved to the US just as I graduated high school. BIG change for the better in terms of lifestyle and not having to live in fear of every sound in the dark being a madman with an automatic weapon.

In the US, after a couple years in college my life had no focus and no road ahead of me. No career interested me and I could not bring myself to get a degree in whatever just to get a degree. I spent years in miserable jobs and just existing and dreaming of seeing new things .. of having something better and being blue.

One day during my lunch break at my miserable job I get a phone call from a staffing agency I had submitted an application a year earlier.. telling me to go for an interview. That job turned out to be the best one I ever had.. I had NEVER even thought of being a travel agent (heck I can barely talk to people how the heck would I sell them a vacation??). That job alone changed my whole life .. it is now the career im planning to major in, the job allowed me to travel overseas multiple times (and LOVED IT)

... and because of that one little phone call that came out of nowhere, getting me a job I never thought of... i'm VERY happy. Still kind of broke but HAPPY.

Then I find out about AS on my 30th b-day. Holy $#$@ you have no idea how that changed my look on life. To finally KNOW WHY .. massive morale boost


The point is, YOU NEVER KNOW. And you never WILL know if you're not there to find out!

You are teenagers or in your early 20's.. you guys are gearing up to enter a world of possibilities and random wonders. Life may suck right now but it will not suck forever. TIME is the currency that buys possibilities and chances at happiness. Hang in there and watch out for those chances and take them (use common sense though!).

I'm sure alot of us can relate. I lack friends, I'm probably uglier than you claim to be and I should be slaughtered into a billion pieces.

If you want attention, you should just cut your wrists. Cutting off your arm is a little extreme, no?

i quite often feel like this, i have never tried to cut my arm off but i bite myself & hit my head quite often out of anger at myself.



when i was younger i went through a suicidal faze & as i stood with a rope round my neck (a bit melodramatic i know, but it was what i had on hand at the time) that is exactly what i thought. i am glad i did not go through with it (i think deep down i knew i could never do it) as although i still hurt myself when i am angry i do not want to kill myself any more.

ebec i dont know how old you are but you say you are still at school. when i was at school i was very miserable & was convinced my life did not matter. now things are improving slowly. i will never "fit in" but now i am alright with that. wait & see what happens.

About a year ago, I starting having suicidal thoughts. It really bothered me because I didn't want to die but the thoughts would not go away. One thing that helped me get through it was thinking of how much it would have hurt my family.

Another thing is the fact that the rest of the world wants me dead and I don't intend to give them that pleasure.