I'm gonna phrase this as gently as possible...

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Well, much to my disgrace, yes, I am still living at home. And yes, I have contemplated moving into an assisted living project where I can have my freedom. It's just that, with all the cutbacks that Governor No-Balls-Dachi has made or will make, it will be near impossible for any mentally handicapped person inside of Maine to get ANY help from the state in that department.

Good luck with that.

When I can hardly bear the sight of the french father of my ( 8 and a half year old) son, wish he would never come home from work-circuits, when his snoring ( in another , but sadly unsoundproofed room ), and general NTishness drive me up the wall, which is very often, I think of moving out/leaving.

In December I hatched a plan of finding/renting a little room close by to retreat to at weekends, leaving the papa in charge, but his current lack of routine would make that more stressful than liberating. I would have to leave him completely.

I have thought of leaving for one reason or another for most of the 9 and a half years we have lived together, but the prospect of the decision making and privation involved, even if in the end I might find it liberating and energising to do so, ( live independently like i used to all the way to age 35), have thus far put me off.

The advantages are many; i don't have to work outside the home; my son can home-unschool; I have access to a good internet connection; chauffeur service at weekends for "big" shopping , and since i sorted out all the money paperwork, taxes etc which he was allowing to accumulate ruinously we have few financial worries, etc.

Don't know if it's been good for "me" though.

But I cannot imagine being able to survive living with my parents. I would have to run away. Good luck.

Last edited by ouinon on 22 Apr 2008, 12:43 pm, edited 3 times in total.

I was raised Methodist but am an agnostic. I would not consider my upbringing or religious experience to have been overbearing.

I do, however, see the world in either "black and white" or "all grey". Taking something that isn't yours without permission is stealing. By definition. It's black and white. If you want to make it "all grey", you can, but then how do I know how to behave in society? Is stealing food to avoid starvation acceptable? Or stealing from rich people only? Or what about a million other situations people could come up with? Which ones are acceptable?

I'm mentioning all this because I think you should really consider that your father is on the spectrum. If he's like me, he may appreciate the "black and white" part of the world because it's much easier to blend in with NTs and gain social acceptance. Grey issues are much harder problems because there usually isn't a solution that is "fair" to everyone.

The other thing you might consider, is that he's like you - in that he remembers an instance long ago where you weren't able to order food in an "NT" fashion. Maybe he wrote himself a script for "Ordering food in an NT fashion while with the family." His script would surely be based on past experience. AS scripts are _really_ hard to change. For me it can take the threat of a life-changing event.

If you think this might be the case, I would talk to your father and try to get him to change the script. Start by telling him what bothers you - in detail (black and white). Ask him not to do it. Or you could suggest a different step in the script like just looking at you and smiling rather than the verbal cue. You'd get the benefit of knowing that he's changing his script to try to stop irritating you, and he'd get the benefit of a mostly intact script.

IMO tell him how you feel if he seriously mistreats you after that...im sure u got some kind of plan

Here's my 2 cents:

I've had similar thoughts about my dad when he was alive. He put my mom through a lot of emotional abuse. He never hit her but he always made her feel worthless and like her only purpose in life was to cook him dinner and sex. She finally got tired of it and they divorced in the summer of 2000. Though she was finally free, she was still haunted by nightmares of my dad finding her and making her feel worthless. When he died in 2004, her nightmares slowly but surely disappeared. I did love my dad but I feel that maybe it is for the best that he is gone for my mother's sake. I do feel bad for thinking that and I do miss him. I don't blame you for feeling that way but should your dad suddenly pass, I hope you don't end up regretting it.

*hangs head* I'm sorry I called you ignorant...and yes, I too, am absolutely stunned that my father hasn't forced me out of the house. It's funny. but it was HIM that first suspected that I had something wrong with me back when I was 5 years old. The behaviours he saw in me, he previously saw in his blind cousin, Tim. (rocking back and forth when sitting, and repetitious finger movements)

Well, thank you for your concern, but you're forgetting one little detail:

My father, I feel, doesn't see me as a human being.

Trust me, if my dad suddenly passed on, the only thing I'd regret is that it didn't happen sooner. Though of course, I would allow myself 15 minutes of inconsolable grieving when I first hear the news (apologies to Dr. Evil)

Fathers can be super critical, mine was, both my sisters were very critical of him, I was always in the middle, so I had to learn to duck alot

I think this guy must have very bad aspergers, or he's lying about his age.

Oh no, I'm not lying about my age...I just was lucky enough to have parents who were willing to keep me after I graduated from high school (back in 1991). Though frankly, even though it's not all bad all the time, I feel that the only reason they let me stay, is because they'd lack having someone around to punish.

Hey, I had 2 other cheap watches at home, so it wasn't a big loss to me.

Yes, I have an EXTREME sense of justice and fairness. He hurt me, so I struck back very cleverly. I was originally going to go back there with brother and intentionally leave a 100% tip, just to spite my parents and make up for the G.D. jelly packets. But I saw something in my underwear drawer that made me change my mind. 9 months previously, my father had given me a 25 dollar gift certificate to a bookstore in my hometown, but I never got around to using it because I kept misplacing it. And only a week before the J-incident, that bookstore closed down permanently, which made me kinda sad...but then left me feeling a LOT of sadistic glee. I didn't need to punish my father anymore...

Because knowing that he spent 25 dollars on me...which he could've spent on gas...for absolutely NOTHING...was punishment enough.

Oh, I can see the humor in this...humor enough that that Christmas, I got him as a gift...25 dollars worth of strawberry jelly from Stonewall Kitchens! (that's 3 large jars worth)

I'm...not kidding.

Your father over-reacted, and was very harsh. Personally, I don't blame you for your feelings. The question is, why does he feel the need to react this way?
What drives such anger?
It really is sad that he treats you like a child at your age.

You are over-reacting. If you want to know how I know this its because my parents do the exact same thing. When I lived with them, the made it a chore to yell at me for nothing. It does get annoying but you have to find a way to deal with it, and not a negative way. Your whole life people are going to do similar things, especially if you ever have a roommate. You think your dad is bad, you have no f***ing clue whats waiting for you. And dont think I dont sympathize with you, because I do a lot, its just the sooner you are able to handle your hated and anger the better off you'll be. And nothing is forever, thats how I got through it. So dont be so easy to judge who should die.

^^^Exactly. If you move away from him, he'll be out of your life, isn't that the same effect as him actually being dead? Saying that you wish someone dies is pretty low. I often feel hate for my parents as well, but I never wished them any harm, I only run away.
Maybe you should seek counselling.

Wanting someone dead is very selfish and cruel. What you should do is forgive that person and move on. I'm sorry if I was judgemental.