Recovering from a failed suicide attempt

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I am glad you didn't die, Alyssa. I read most of your posts, and I feel close to you. I came very close, last week, to ending it all. I spent the entire night crying, and then I called the local crisis hot line. Waste of time. I finally just climbed into bed and went to sleep without counting my meds to see if I had enough.

I must say that I did try suicide about 20 years ago, and had to go through drinking ipecac, vomiting, and then having a tube rammed down my nose, to force feed me charcoal. And then, an enforced stay in the psychiatric ward.

What I learned from this last temptation, was to embrace the lows as much as I embrace the highs. Yeah, it hurts, and it seems like an easy solution. But my biggest fear, was what if I don't die, just became some kind of vegetable?

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Aylissa
Ebec11
HartzofSpace

I'm glad you all are still around. I enjoy seeing you post here.
I believe suicide is a personal decision, but one that is too often done in haste to attempt to remedy things which it cannot.

I don't know each of your personal circumstances other than the bits I read about them here on WP.
I do hope that each of you... and any other folks here contemplating suicide... do have the wherewithal to take a moment before the deed, to allow one more look at things.
Aylissa's 911 call is what I see that as... a moment of clarity before things are too far gone.

Well, just wanted to say welcome back and I'm glad you're here also!

I wish I could help you more, give you an answer of some sort that would make you feel better. I'm in the same spot though, so all I can say is that you're not alone.

I was working up on top of an extension ladder today. There's a lot of things deeply bothering me and I think about them a lot. Not a good way to pass the minutes of my life. I think it was Emerson who said; For every minute you spend being angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

The idea makes sense, but I haven't had much luck applying it to my life. Not so far anyway.

So I was thinking about the things that tear me apart, starting down the ladder, and my foot slipped. I often marvel at how survival mode kicks in when there's a prospect of death from an outside source. I recovered my balance. Gravity didn't win.

But this had little to do with life and death. Underneath me was concrete and farm equipment. If I got hurt bad at work, nobody would know, and it'd be several days before somebody happened by and noticed me. Hypothermia with broken bones wouldn't be my first choice for a cause of death.

I can't kill myself because I've got kids. We've been torn out of each other's lives, but I ain't gonna leave them with a parental suicide.

So I've got a reason not to kill myself, but that's pretty cheap and shallow.

It would be a lot better if I had a reason to want to live.

I wouldn't be able to convince myself that things are sure to get better, but it's a fact that the future is uncertain, and that might mean something.

I have said before and i will say it again. Start taking omega-3 fish oil. its a natural mood stabilizer and has been found to be low in people who try to kill them selves. I hope you get better.