You all are just spoiled

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"""And I want my oompa loompa NOW dammit!!"""

Hey, I wanted to study abroad in a country whose folklore was my special interest at the time. Almost got the opportunity despite not having a ton of money. And ended up in a mental institution instead. As it turns out, I don't think I'd have handled being in that country well, and might have run afoul of their psych system when I experienced the pressure of that much change all at once (I was already under too much pressure having to study away from home far above my comprehension level without going to another country). (I later met people who had emigrated just to avoid their psych system, it's that bad there.)

So you never know, something that seems bad at the time, may later turn out to be an avoidance of something worse that you didn't know about at the time. Sort of like if your car went out of control and you crashed by the side of the road, but survived, only to find out that had your car not gone out of control, you'd have hit and probably killed a pedestrian you hadn't even seen. (I can't drive a car, this is just an analogy.)

Life generally doesn't go any particular person's way. But if it did go our way all the time, then we would never get the chance to learn from all the situations thrown at us that we could never possibly have expected or known about. And if all we experienced were good things, we'd never actually know what a good thing meant in comparison to a bad thing. I read a book once where someone said that boredom is really valuable because it made them more interested when interesting things happened. Having real friends means more to me now that I have them, because before having friends, I'd mostly either just not had friends at all, or had bullies trying to convince me they were friends. This has made me appreciate friends more because I know what it means not to have them.

And when it comes to misery... I've always found that feeling bad about feeling bad, feels far worse than just feeling bad. It's recursive. Learning to just feel bad instead of feeling bad about feeling bad, has been worth it for me, because it is so much more straightforward, doesn't feel as bad, and doesn't last as long.

Additionally, it's always freeing in a way when you hit the stage where you realize on a gut level that the world doesn't, and shouldn't, revolve around you. I remember reading a Rose is Rose cartoon where a boy and his guardian angel/imaginary friend were standing in the rain, and the angel said "It rains on the just and unjust alike." The boy said "That's not fair." And the angel said, "It rains on the opinionated too."

But Warsie, if she's wishing pain on all of us, she's doing BAD and therefore would deserve bad things to happen to her.

Sounds like the OP never gets asked to proms or formals, maybe one of the guys here can ask her, so she shut up.

hi, princess...
i wasn't invited to my prom...either of them. MY mother decided that it was my fault. that she'd looked forward all my life to picking out my prom dress with me, taking all the pictures, etc...and here i had gone and ruined her dream. i did these things just to hurt her. i was an embarrassment. and if i was feeling so "suicidal" why didn't i just go ahead and do it already? when my brother didn't make the basketball team in tenth grade, she beat the hell out of him. now, so far all i know about your mom is that she grounded you on the night of the prom...you know her. this is the smallest tip of the iceberg when it comes to my mom, and i'm not even going to TOUCH the subject of my father. but with what you know of your mom and the bit i've told you of mine-how would you have rather missed your prom, my way or yours?

that said, i think it sucks that your mom grounded you the night of the prom. and it's very hard for people with our neurology to just "let go" of things sometimes. but a sense of perspective can help. it's one night, one night that you had possibly invested far too much of yourself in. and it's past. feel what you feel, but think at the same time. sooner or later you'll strike a balance. don't close your mind to the possibility that it won't always feel this bad.

i wonder if more of what's going on with you isn't the past disappointment joining forces with the possible disappointment of no longer being able to study abroad. try to see that they ARE separate issues. this might help.

and please do yourself a favor and TRY to rid yourself of the notion that you deserve something for suffering. to put it bluntly, you just don't. i can be gentle with you on every point except that, and i put this bluntly as an intended kindness: self-pity is poison, and you're gulping it down in a mislabeled bottle when you say things like: "i deserve good things because of the suffering i've gone through". who's keeping score to note your pain and hand out the morphine? do you REALLY think simply suffering in and of itself is a virtue-and do you really think virtue is rewarded, even were suffering a virtue?

it's all in how you RESPOND to the suffering. suffering doesn't make people better or worse-it can do either, neither or even both. it's all in the response-and there's typically a fair amount of luck involved. the response to suffering provokes a response from the environment, which in turn effects the sufferer in a dizzying variety of potential ways. thus it is the response which CAN bring about what you think of as a "reward"...but it's not a reward, it's change brought about in the person and their circumstances by their response to the suffering and the interplay of that response with their environment and their own subsequent character development...do you see?

if you'd flipped a coin twenty-one times and it came up heads every time, what is the likelihood of it coming up heads on the twenty-second toss? intuitively, many people want to say that it is more likely to come up tails, because it's tails' "turn". false logic. it's 50%. every toss of the coin is a different, discrete event...all other coin tosses prior are irrelevant. you are using the coin toss logic fallacy if you truly believe that having suffered means you're "owed" rewards. does that help?