I need some words of encouragement.. (Updated!)

Post Reply New Topic

Yeah, I can understand being curious. I just don't really want to get into everything because I don't want to complain ect. I just want some encouragement because I'm scared.

People who have read some of my posts previously might have some idea of some of the issues.

I hope everything works out for you, you're a good person

You should "put on your own oxygen mask first" - don't feel guilty about helping yourself, even though it might hurt him. He may need that in his life - something to shock him out of his complacency. In any event, you need to meet your own needs before anyone else's.

Good luck - thinking about doing something is always scarier than actually doing it.

What I did to get around the "him changing my mind" part, was to file and then tell him. It was still hell, but the decision was made and that was that.

I can't really say anything that hasn't been said already. So, I just want to wish you luck with your decision, and hope you get through it OK.

I'm hopeless at giving advice but I thought it worth adding that you will need self-worth to do this. The thing which tends to tear down the facade of hating yourself is the key phrase you've used - "I deserve to be happy". You may have many ways of beating yourself up, but when you consider happiness, its an expression of love of yourself. If you are having self-defeating thoughts or feelings, its an easy thing to return to... "I want to be happy". It gives me strength anyway

Thank you Fluffybunnyfeet! That is a very good thing for me to remember.

Ps I love your name its so cute

Have you looked at the financial aspects of how you would survive, pay rent etc?

Yes, I can afford my current apartment on my own. I lived there myself before he moved in.

One thing to consider is that if it is the marital home then legally he may not have to leave. When he goes to see his own lawyers they may advise him not to leave until the separation/divorce is settled.

If you're sure you want to go through with it, don't rush it. You need to protect yourself first and make sure you have all of your papers/accounts in order because divorce can make people act awful and sometimes they do things you never dreamed they would.

When I left my ex (we lived together but never married) I had to go into hiding until he moved his things out. But my situation was different as he was a very abusive guy.

Good luck in your decision.

Well if I left, he wouldn't be able to afford it so we can go that route too if he wants lol.

Staying in the marital home is leverage, so you definitely don't want to be the one to leave. But, he can also refuse to leave and then you both live together until everything is said and done. That's brutal. I have a friend who is going through that right now and a year later, they're both still in the house.

I really don't know what to say...

the only words of encouragement I can give are this: You're 23, and you've already proven yourself a success. That is quite an astonishing feat for anybody. You are economically self-sufficient, fairly level-headed psychologically, and you have at the very least experienced love. That's the classic success story right there... Compare that to me: I don't have a penny to my name, live with my parents (although I attend college), am pretty much in a chronically depressed mood, and I'm pretty much denied the opportunity of ever finding love, and believe me, that whole "better to have loved and lost than not loved at all" definitely applies here. The pain you're feeling now is proof that you're still alive, and the fact that you're willing to persevere despite the pain is proof of your fortitude.

It's amazing the way that circumstances affect life. Even though we're practically the same age, my life is practically over, while yours is just beginning...

Oh! Don't say that ToadOfSteel! You never know what can happen for you in the future! You are still young and have a lot of life ahead of you. I had to grow up in a hurry and fight for my life.. you've been gifted with being able to spread your wings at your own pace. Don't make light of that privilege trust me, I've had my share of depression but that's the crazy thing about life - its always changing! I can't promise you that you'll find love but the odds are in your favor. Most everyone finds someone at some point.

The grass is always greener on the other side, perhaps you shouldn't admire my mistakes