probably a waste of time reading this selfishnes

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Do you know how this started? maybe with that we could help you...


Why is that? Did you say something that alienated them? Or are they just being jerks?


I know that it's very important to let off steam once in a while. I, for one, just had a meltdown last night, exposed on the L&D forum for all to see... In any case, I wish I could help you more on that. Perhaps if you lived closer to me I could help more... helping people in this situation is something I can do very well (and it actually improves my own self-worth in the process... don't ask why, since I don't fully understand it myself...)


If you're feeling that bad, it's not something to be ignored. We're all here for you...


The average NT that knows nothing about AS would say that just about all of us have those traits...


Well, don't cut a hole in your head, that would be messy

If you need to see a professional, do it. Don't hold out on yourself...

One more thing: try joining a church or some community organization. If you find the right one (i.e. one that accepts you for who you are, without reservation, and doesn't carry a wacky theological viewpoint), you will have a whole support group there for you when you need it in real life... In my experience, the church I'm at has "saved my life", as it were, on numerous occasions when I was suicidal, and gave me something to live for. I may still be lonely in the romantic field, but as long as I stay in my church, I won't be thrust into complete depression ever again...

Don't feel like you're being selfish, you have every right to feel that way. I'm sorry you are, and you are a very beautiful talented person it would be a real shame if anything happened.

First a lesson: The term "selfish" is only a messure on how much our action gianed someone els. It has nothing to do with how much it gained ourselvs, since no one has ever done anything that did not gained them in some way. People who say you're acting selfish really say "this doesn't gain my enough", so who's the selfish one?
And we simply must feel well in order to start thinking and careing about others, no one fixes the neighbours car if your own is broken too.

The other thing is that sometimes you need got get things out of your system, so talking about it is the only way and you need someone that can listen.

In my experience you need to stress out, go out and walk/run. If you walk, do it a great distance, if you run, run fast. It usually helps me, hope it does the same to you.

I am rather narcissistic. Being a narcissist I can spot other narcissists with ease. I have only seen a few of your posts but I can already sense from them that you are about as far away from narcissistic as they come. There are a few traits that narcissists are known for, and the only one I sense in you is the trait that everybody has, wanting to be admired. Try to find a person that doesn't want that.

But enough about you, let's talk about me.

Ok. Bad joke.

A true narcissist wouldn't be worried about it. Your starting is thread is proof that you are not truly selfish.

Um, I'll try to respond generally. I'm really touched by everyone's concern.

Generally, I try not to cry unless I'm alone (and I'm rarely, if ever alone when I'm at home). Crying in front of my parents just irritates them, and they're sick of my stress, so I keep a happy face on whenever they're around (which is 99% of the time).

I think my parents dislike me. Knowing myself as I do, I can't really blame them.

I've been trying the whole exercise thing; I've been swimming 50 laps each day and running every morning, and yesterday I swam 100 laps.

I think because I don't know which direction I'm going in, and I haven't been outstanding in any area yet I feel like a failure, because supposedly I should have the ability to do so, and if I have not then it's my own fault. I think this could be where the anxiety started coming from; it started about half way through last year, and has been getting steadily worse, but it's taken a massive downwards plunge these uni holidays because I'm coming into my second year of uni and I have to make some cold hard decisions about my future and I am have no idea.

Basically, I feel like a failure because I haven't written a book, written enough music to produce an album, or painted a series of paintings. I've had a whole year out of school and creatively I've achieved practically nothing, performance wise (compared to my previous performance approx every two weeks, tours, televised etc), I've achieved practically nothing, and most of all I haven't figured out my direction in life.

Sure, I got good uni grades, but that's not much for a whole year out of my life. I haven't even earned much money or had a steady job.

But the whole future direction thing is what's really eating away at me, I catch myself thinking thoughts like if I'm going to be nothing then I may as well be dead, or if I'm going to continue at the same productivity rate as this year (which seems likely), then I want to hurt myself, but yeah the physical effects of the anxiety are such that I often feel ill, twitchy, having problems eating not enough/too much, nauseous.

I'm also a screw up with friends; I haven't kept my email up to date, and I've only managed to keep in contact regularly with one friend lately.

I can totally relate to your previous post. I know what you're going through. It's tough. I seem to have no ambition, or direction in life either. I just try to survive any given moment, and all I see are the days wizzing by.

I wish I had the answer, but I don't, but I must say that meds have helped. I know there is a lot of negativity around meds, but I've come to realise that I need them, in order to live a less anxious life. sunshower, for real, my anxiety has pushed me to limits which I never thought was possible... It often becomes worse when it's not treated correctly. If you are still in doubt about meds take herbal remedies instead. I've tried them, they do work but not as effectively as meds. Btw you're not actually selfish, you're concerned. Concerned about yourself, because you and you alone are able to judge the level of the limitations and strengths that you possess.

How come you don't want to go on them? I went on them as a last option. Its better than having crippling anxiety right?

I wrote a whole post, and then I deleted it. A lot of it came down to; I see myself through my parents eyes, and what I see is hateful. And they know me best, as they have brought me up and spent the most time with me, therefore what they see must be right and what everyone else sees must be wrong.

Basically I need a career path because I need to be completely independent so I can stop disappointing or upsetting anyone but myself.

Um I know I should take meds, but I hate having help or relying on anything because I want to live free of drugs and I want to learn to be strong enough to live like most people live, and learn to live and cope with myself as I am.

I feel sad, because my parents don't like me and I don't like me. But this is irrelevant to the thread. This thread was a stupid idea, because it's encouraging my whining. I'd better stop responding. I send my love to everyone here.

No, thats not true. I think your parents are wrong. They are in the wrong for not standing by you, whatever you're like. And you don't seem a bad person at all. You know yourself best, and not what your parents think.

You can have a career path, just take some time to find what your strengths are.

Well so do I, but they just become something you have to swallow every day. Anxiety, depression or paranoia can be too strong to deal with sometimes. Go and see your doctor, if you went on meds just to ease these feelings you will be able to think clearer.

sunshower, you and I are in the same situation. All I can offer is a virtual hug, and a hope that it abates. I hope that you'll return the favor.

Benjamin got alot of it right... if your parents aren't being supportive of you, it's not your fault, but theirs (unless of course, you wanted to be a hooker or something, in which case your parents would be within their rights to not support you...)

Sometimes you just need the meds. Society is not going to change for you, no matter how much you want to... believe me, I know this, since as much as I want women to be a bit more aggressive in pursuing men such that I might actually stand a chance, I know that such a thing is not going to happen...

Even if your parents dont like you and, as you say, you don't like yourself, I think that there's a bunch of people here (myself included) that do like you... You sound like a well-to-do successful woman to me... you've been able to, at the very least, maintain a basic standard of health (something I have not been able to do), and actually have a life to speak of...

*returns the favour*

ToS, please don't compare yourself to me, because health/appearance is an external thing, and while maybe I could be healthier externally, the internal is what counts. Sometimes I think my most shallow side seems to come up when I am talking to you, and I am often ashamed of myself afterwards.

I find it very interesting that you refer to me as a woman, because when I look at myself I see a lost and confused, very immature slightly boastful and egocentric girl, who is a bit messed up in the head, and generally just naive. My idea of myself couldn't be further from a woman; mainly due to my immaturity.

Anyway, everyone is right, I should be taking meds, but I just can't bring myself to go back on them again because it feels too much like failure. Also, I don't want to go back on ritalin because of the depression it causes and the inability to relax. I'm not sure it would be worth the reduced quality of my life.

Sunshower... can relate, as I am not in favour of meds and most of them are too strong for me. It took time, but found that a minor anti-anxiety agent was all I needed to function - not the antidepressant or antipsychotic medications, but just something that gave me the time to breathe and not go into a reaction. It isn't a dependency when you choose to take a direction in your life; these aren't pills to escape from living, but a tool to help you along the way. Be smart, and take care of yourself. From what little I've seen of you online, I think you're a fairly remarkable person - cut yourself some slack, great works don't just appear from your pen. Keep at it.


M.

Talk to your doctor. Even if you don't go back on to meds, just keep trying ways to get back on track. And meds dosen't mean you've failed. Some emotions can just be too overwhelming to deal with alone.