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Sometimes life is just meaningless to me anymore

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Philothea
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09 Apr 2009, 2:41 pm

richardbenson wrote:
you know im a clown but saying i wanna see your tits especially in a forum where people are looking for help isnt cool dude. theres a time and place fo everything and if this was my topic i'd be pissed if someone said that to me while i was looking for help.

I know we've argued before, but I totally agree with you on this, richardbenson.



MissConstrue, I think you are a wonderful person, and I know you can get through this loneliness, and lack of hope. Sometimes having to hit a low point is really good for people. You'll be OK eventually, just hang in there. I'm glad I did.



oli234
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09 Apr 2009, 5:38 pm

I can relate to a lot of what you and others have said miss c and I hope you all get over these feelings of emptiness, and I hope I do too.

All I can offer in terms of advice is that when I feel like that I try and focus on the really simple pleasures in life. This might sound like overly romantic gush but the other day I just went for a walk through town on a nice spring day, through all the parks and past all the nice buildings and what not. And that kind of felt like reason enough for life, I mean it wasn't amazing or spectacular but if being alive means I get to have all those nice sensations and see all those beautiful things then it seemed pretty worthwile to me.



ZEGH8578
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10 Apr 2009, 8:10 am

MissConstrue wrote:
Not that i'm going to die over it or anything just this empty feeling.

While there is this place to chat on or someone to call, it just gets lonely when there's no one to actually talk to or hang around out with and it's mostly my fault because I can be terribly selfish when and when I don't .

I mostly blame myself but I have to admit, it's very hard with the limited access to transportation here and getting stuck out in the middle of nowhere. So it isn't easy for me to go out and do something "social" or stuff like volunteer work anymore. Many times I have tried distracting myself from the thoughts but they just get harder and harder.

It's still hard for me to get over the grief this year. I keep asking myself stupid questions that will never be solved or resolved..."Will they ever come back or will I ever get to see them again?"...even though I know they're not and that's what's SO painful right now. I never thought much about death except ending my own. Now it's just constantly on my mind since all this stuff happened this year. My motivation just to live is getting more and more harder to follow by....don't even feel like eating or buying food and I keep asking myself that which can't be answered.


Anyway no one has to give feedback, just a rant.


everyone knows the thought. i think its a healthy thought. contemplate it, analyze it. as long as you stay honest:
death is no remedy, nor a relief. relief exists only in life, you sigh, expel air in a satisfying way, you can sit down, and relax. all those are living things to do, and its all very logical.

the universe lasts forever. it takes the concept of time, and takes it with itself into its own demise. with that in mind, we are all born pointless and meaningless.
what other point is there to life, than to stay allive?

most people invent fictional and fleeting meanings for life, love, wisdom, etc. but whats that wisdom gonna be worth, in fifteen billion years from now, when our earth has turned into dust?

i would rather live forever, artificially sustained, than to die away into nothingness.


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MissConstrue
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10 Apr 2009, 11:45 pm

OK, I'm back.

I wasn't suicidal at the time I made this thread...in case it sounded like that. Not sure how to articulate my thoughts in such a way that makes sense.

You see I am still struggling with accepting the death of my grandparents and now my nephew. It's feels unreal and frustrates me to the point of why should I continue living...<not suicidal> but my motivation has gone only down to surviving. It has gotten to the point now that I'm afraid my dad or mom or whoever will go. I keep asking myself what happens after you die....even though I shouldn't. I don't know how else to put it. I'm upset and pissed off that they're gone but I can't blame anyone or anything.

It is the loss, the disconnection, and questions that are still unanswered. I'm not use to to losing people THAT close. I know it's the fact of life but this is one challenge that's hard to accept.

Adding onto this is trouble in verbalizing. Even with my therapist, I can't seem to articulate my circumstances, thoughts, and feelings in such a clear concise matter that makes sense to her. So there's these long akward silences as if I'm waiting for her to tell me instead of the other way around. The only comparison I can make is that of a lion trapped in a cage wanting to get out badly.....but can't. I want to get out and connect with people and not be this stoic person I was but it's so hard. Even when I do connect on some level, it's a big challenge for me to stay in touch.

I know this sounds emo, so I apologize. I've often internalized my emotions to the point where I blow up and do stupid things. So if this sounds crazy I understand. Right now I feel very confused and frustrated. I am better than I was the other day.

BTW, thanks for sharing your stories. It helps to know that I'm not alone in these feelings and issues.


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I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan