Im in so much emotional and existential pain/noone will help

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why does eveything have to be so frickin hard?

It does sound like things are pretty tough for you at the moment, Nightbender. I'm so sorry. I hope that the doctors you're seeing can help you to overcome this and get your life back. Please don't give up. Meanwhile, try to do a few things that you enjoy to make your life as pleasant as you can, and remember that you're not alone- people do care about you.

i had ordered some high dose suppressosotory nuerotranismitters in addtition to what i normally take, wich helped me sleep and made me feel much better, but the essessiational problem remains. Im gonna keep lapssing into this if i dont get this reaction healed, and i cant afford to keep buying stuff for sleep and eventually i will run out of products i can buy.

thank you so much everyone for your help

What i want is to be able to have people help me as opposed to flounder around.

^ Often the hardest part, for me, is just communicating/explaining the problem. And it's too cumulative & complex to 'explain' anyway.

But good you found a med that helps w/ sleep; hope you feel better, nightbender.

Keep asking your doctors questions until you get some answers, Nightbender. You shouldn't be left to "flounder around." Also, don't forget to take care of yourself by eating properly and getting some exercise- they're both really important if you want to give yourself the best chance of getting better, ok? Take care.

i will

what burns is that i should be done, and not have this problem, but once again my parents (especially my dad's)stupidity, laziness, and medancity trump all my planning and hard work. I need to get indepedandt so they cant cause me more problems.

It sounds like you need to get your health sorted out as quickly as possible so that you can start working on becoming independent. At the moment I suppose all you can do about your parents is to try to be patient and explain what you want from them and also try to understand their points of view. They're probably frustrated with your health problems as well and would like you to be more independent too, I would guess.

i tried asking someone on line that i had seen before for help a and she essentially told me that i was being a whiny little child who was out of touch with reality who was not taking responisblity for himself and i should probally just get used to being the way i am. Just for asking for help

Hi again, Nightbender. Did your friend really say those things to you or is that the interpretation you put on her words? If that's what she said, then it's quite harsh, I think. Saying that you should "get used to being the way you are" doesn't sound helpful- maybe she's getting frustrated with you. Does she know you well? Sometimes when we're feeling depressed and in pain, it's easy fall into a slump and we need someone to shake us out of our apathy. Maybe she thinks that you need to be given a bit of a push to do something to solve your problems. Is there ANY truth in what she said? Are you being unrealistic about what you want? Is there more that you could do to take responsibility for yourself? I don't know your circumstances, and she may be completely wrong, but perhaps it's a good idea to think about these things. Try not to let her words upset you too much, though- only you know exactly what your life is like, and no one has the right to judge you. Take care, Jenny.

When I get in your mood I listen to U2. Your post reminded me of their song "One". Life is desperate no doubt about it.

Hi, Nightbender. I hope your health situation is being monitored by a qualified doctor, preferably a specialist, and that you're not just relying on alternative therapies suggested by your mom. I'm glad you're keen to help yourself, but what "circumstances" are stopping you? Your situation sounds fairly serious but very vague. If nothing's changing, you need to be getting some proper medical tests done and receiving professional advice- talk to your doctor, ok? Jenny

well i see an nd as of right now who is very qualified and she was able to get me very far but as soon as i got into this mess she wasnt able to do anything. Im actually looking at seeing a integrative md that specializes in nuerology psychiatry and holistic medicine, that does both and part of his program is performing spect scans and fmri's. I am open to any treatment or therapy at this point that will fix it.( the notion that alternative therapies/therapists are unqualified is kinda of degrading, no offense . I have been to top notch conventioanl doctors about various issues, not this one though, and noone of them have been able to find reasons for the things going on.) I think its simply the vagueness and rareness of this problem thats preventing me from getting proper treatment .

THis reaction prevents from coming up with/recovering the abiltiy for new ideas /problem solving/plannning/annalyzing/thinking/remmebering. In other words this problem is interfering with my brains ability to heal the damage i aquired from the psych meds. Also it has been a constant in my life that when ever i get close to true success some stupid thing comes along and fouls it up no matter how much planning effort and preperation i put into it, that is in no way becuase of anything i did or was responsibil for.

ALso i am limited in my range of mobility and behaviors i can engage in

thanks for you inteterest