I really want to die. I can't take it inside anymore.

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I think it's impossible to change class because we only have one history teacher. It is a Estonian/Russian school, the russians have their own. And we are in groups like Computer-learning students, car-mending or logistic. <It isn't named this rtrded in reallife, but i had do describe.

That sucks How much longer do you have to take his class?

two years i guess.
She knows a lot about history and has even handed out a book in estonia. I think that learning and knowing history that mutch sould make people know that it is wrong to bully and harass people.
She is even the most well paid teacher in whole school.

Remember that when you are depressed, everything always seems hopeless and there seems to be no way out - but that is all in your mind, because of bad chemicals. You need to speak to your psychiatrist about these feelings, because they are irrational and you should be properly medicated for them.

Another thing, there is always hope. You say that you don't know how you can ever work because you don't want to deal with other people? Well, there are many jobs in the world that require only minimal contact with others - so don't give up hope yet, I'm sure you will find a job which you might even enjoy - IT sounds like a great direction to head in for you.

The most important thing is to get through your last years of school by any means necessary, and try to get the best marks you can, then after that you can go to uni and study only what you've interested in (IT maybe? Or computer game creation?) in an environment where you have more control over how social you have to be (school is by far the most forcibly social environment). I have a very close friend who studies IT at uni, and pretty much does all his work from his room; he gets his lecture slides off the net, and does readings.

At any rate, school is the worst of it because you are forced to stay in a social environment for long stretches of time, and also to study things you aren't interested in. After school, you are given more control to determine your own lifestyle.

I'm sorry too. I don't care what they say, maybe some of us really are better off dead.

Last month I had a heart attack. I was probably minutes from death when they got me to the hospital where they operated.

Now I don't know whether to be happy or sad. I was depressed enough with my life before, now I have the same problems plus a heart condition.

Isn't life interesting?