Aspergers SUCKS.

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I can look at things differently than anyone else. Because of Asperger's syndrome.

I have a very easy time doing what I love, playing bass, because I can pick up sonic patterns easier than most. Because of Asperger's syndrome.

I have 146 iq. Because of Asperger's syndrome.

I have the willingness to learn and have vast amounts of knowledge on various subjects. Because of Asperger's syndrome.

I could name more.

I get all this and the only price I have to pay is having diminished social skills that I have learned to get around. You're telling me that this is bad? Not in my opinion.

I hate the way my mind is. Like someone mentioned before, well over 50% of everything bad that has happened to me can be directly linked to my Asperger's symptoms. Someone mentioned earlier in the thread that if I were "normal," I'd probably be living in a house/apartment with a family and barely scraping by. I WISH I could say that were my life. I wish I could fake being interested in fashion or music or something so I'd have sothing to talk to with other people or at the very least, sound interesting to a woman.

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I have different interests, but that pretty much sums me up too. With that in mind, I'm still 32 years old, have to live with my mother because I can't afford to live on my own because I can't get/keep a good enough job to pay my bills. I don't really have any friends, never had a girlfriend, am sensitive to light and have to wear sunglasses whenever I go outside during the day, am sensitive to touch and can't wear certain clothes because of texture which also limits any kind of job I could do because I can't wear suits/dress clothes. Having a high IQ does nothing to make me better off so yeah, having Aspergers sucks.

Eh, that's just my opinion. I'm not gonna argue about it though. Arguments are hard to have here.

You want to be able to fake being interested in banal and petty subjects? For Thor's sake, why?? That would let you mix with all manner of shallow, dull people. Be different, be interesting. Women aren't really attracted to fashion experts. I could offer some advice on social skills - hey, I learned them the hard way. But one good trick is to learn to shut up and let them talk. The subject that everyone likes to talk about most is themselves. Let them do that, find out what you have in common, and focus on those areas.

Conversation comes in two types - the information exchange, which we all understand well, and "small talk", which is pointless in terms of data but is all to do with emotional bonding. If you lecture women on topics they don't have any interest in, they'll be turned off. Ask them about themselves, listen to them. They like that.



Bataar, at the moment it's very common for 32-year-olds to be living with parents. Housing prices have grown silly in recent times. They've dropped a little now, but it's no longer possible for most of us to get the mortgage to buy one. The job market sucks hairy spherical appendages too.

I know where you are with the clothing aspect. I was that way myself once. The thing is, you can train yourself to wear suits. I used to drive my partner mad because I wouldn't do up the top button on shirts - I still hate things tight around my neck, but I have a greater tolerance now. You just need to work at it. A little more each time, every day, and you'll get there. I'm also sensitive to light - I break out in rashes in summer and bright sunlight can make me sneeze - but sunglasses are tricky for me as I have regular glasses.

Girlfriends are a subject I'm less able to advise on, as I'm gay; men are generally easier to get involved with, though I struggled to keep them for a while.

I do love the high IQ. I pick up ideas quickly. Put that to work. You can improve your social skills, your tolerances, your life. Think it through and translate it into aspie terms.

I wish I was obsessed with objects or facts, instead of people. I always have been obsessed with certain types of people, ever since I was 11 or 12. And it really holds you back from falling in love with men who you are not obsessed with. At the moment I am obsessed with bus-drivers - I seem to fancy most male bus-drivers and really wish I could be like them and could be involved in their lives. But I have a man fancying me, (who isn't a bus-driver), and I went out with him once, but my feelings went away from him because I was too emotionally fixed onto the bus-driver (who I had driving my bus on the bus ride to the destination where I was meeting this man I was going out with). It really spoils my relationship with other men.

Will I ever grow out of this?

Should I have grown out of this?

I am fine with just keeping friends with people. There's no problem in that at all. Perhaps I'm still not quite ready for a sexual relationship yet.
But when I see these bus-drivers with that cocky expression, chatting to eachother whilst smoking, with their shirts and ties on and their florescent jackets on (oohhh, such a turn-on!), I really wish I was one of them. I wish I was a middle-aged bloke (an NT bloke!), standing there with them. I hate being a stupid young unconfident female Aspie standing there in the bus-station with the rest of the passengers. I feel boring, just being on job-seekers, and too anxious to start a job yet actively seeking work every day (before anyone criticises!! !).

Ohh, I wish I was somebody else.

My two great uncles are in their late 40s and they still live at home, and they're NTs. One of them moved out when he was young to live with a girlfriend, but split up after a few years and he came back to live with his parents ever since.

Anyway, in Britain, if you move out of your current home, you will only be allowed in your new home for 2 years, starting this month - so that means everybody is staying in their current homes because they don't want to move out and then be kicked out after 2 years. You only won't be kicked out if you buy your home, which not everybody can afford. Or if you're from Eastern Europe you won't be kicked out. So, those who live in other countries other than Britain, thank your lucky stars you don't live here, trust me. The government of this country live in a make-believe world.

I understand how your feeling thats very much the typical day for me, though I love and hate my Aspergers Syndrome because my interests are cool to me, it messes up my life in genereal a lot. Everything you described can easily be applied to my life as well dont worry your not alone

listen buddy, we can not fit in together! lol

My first boyfriend was a bus driver. There's probably a joke in there about pulling out or giving rides to a lot of people but I'll resist! He really was a bus driver. He was also a bit odd in the head (hark who's talking!!) so we didn't stay together very long.



I don't find bus drivers particularly arousing, but I agree on the fluorescent jackets. Something about them gets my attention. And a young man can look particularly sexy in a suit. But seriously, you're not seeing these guys as they actually are - you're seeing an idealised image of them.



That may be the clincher. If you're lusting after bus drivers as being exciting and interesting, your life must really be dull! I spent years on jobseekers and I hated it. No money, nothing to do, no social life, just boredom. Much as I sometimes would like to be able to stay home and sod work, I would miss it if I won the lottery.

You will be anxious starting a job. That's normal! Take your time, start slow (part time, volunteer work, that sort of thing) and you'll get there. It helps if your employer understands your condition - public sector work is especially good for this, though hiring might be tricky at the moment (cuts everywhere, few jobs).

There's plenty of controversy about the positives and negatives of AS, but remember that AS is just a label given to people with certain traits.

I can relate to the self pity you feel, and the temptation to blame it all on AS. I felt that way and blamed AS for everything is high school. I still do it sometimes these days.
But the more you tell yourself that you can't do certain things or have certain things because you have AS, the more likely you won't be able to do these things or have these things.
I can honestly say that, looking back, expecting to fail on the social front caused a lot of problems for me.

Asperger's does suck. But as you know, so do a lot of other things. Life isn't fair, after all. It's simply a matter of doing the best you can.

soo true!

.....*slams table with fist*

Have you tried online dating? I read everyone's posts and think that you could get to know someone through emails first. If women get turned off from the way you talk or manerisms, then getting to know you first through email/IM may make it easier when you do meet. They way you talk about wanting a relationship and not just sex is something many women do look for in a man. I am married to an Aspie so I should know.

I've tried online dating with no luck. I never get any emails from my profiles and I never get any responses to emails I send to other people.

I think AS sucks all the more when you're the only one in the whole family with it, and you have 12 cousins who are all NT. Not only that - your Dad's side of the family are all confident NTs, and you look more like them than you do your mum's side, yet you're stuck with neurologically being the complete opposite of a confident NT!

And it also makes me angry when all of my girl cousins seem to be more like their father's side (socially and emotionally), so WHY AREN'T I?! !! !

But I'm still not blaming all of my life's problems on having AS, because all of my family seem to have more problems than I have! And all of my cousins on my dad's side are aged between 19 and 26, and they all still live at home too.
The reason why I wish I was NT (like the rest of my family!) is because it'd be nice not to struggle in social situations, and also the mood swings. No, I'm not saying ''Aspies get in moods and NTs don't'' - I'm saying that I suddenly come over feeling bored of being me, and I get all sensitive - like if somebody asks me something I snap at them, even though I was happy and social just 10 minutes ago. A sudden bad mood suddenly hits me, whilst everyone else is enjoying their company, and only probably just get mood swings when they're just at home with no guests. For certain situations, you have to be in certain moods, like when you're having a family get-together, you have to be in a relaxed social mood - not a grumpy unsociable mood, but sometimes my mood doesn't always suit what environment I'm in. My moods are like pains - they come when they want and are beyond my control. They say Aspies don't express their feelings - but I think I express my feelings a little too much!

With being unemployed, I'm not going to blame it on ''because I have AS'', because I know lots of NTs who are unemployed. My own dad is NT, and he's been in and out so many jobs throughout my life, and he just doesn't seem to be able to hold down a job for very long. Also he always seems to fall into jobs what are more than likely be cut by the government. But anyway - I'm just anxious about the stereotype people have against Autism, which is why I am reluctant to put it down on applications, but now it's making me anxious because if I don't tell the employer, they won't be aware of the things I find a little difficult, and would just class me as ''useless'' and then sack me, but if I do tell the employer, it might lessen my chances of getting the job. Yes, I know they will see I'm ordinary at the interview, but you know how the stereotype goes, especially people who don't have a clue of what Autism and AS is really about - they just think, ''oh she's ret*d'' - even though I attended the interview, looking smart and smiling and confidently sitting there telling them about myself and my skills, like any other normal person. And don't think I'm being offensive by the ''ret*d'' remark - because I, myself, think that's really offensive, and most people (who have never really met anyone in person with Autism) have no idea what it is, and so they just think it's retardation - which it is NOT.

And so that's what is making me anxious about finding employment - it's the stereotype some people use against neurological diversities (not just Autism), and I usually make at least 2 little mistakes every day, the type which makes people look up and think, ''she's weird!'', but the mistakes are so minor that they could be understood if others are aware of it, but then if I told them their offensive and stupid stereotype means I won't get a job....OK, it's going round in circles here.
I just wish I was just an NT (still me, but an NT me), and even though I still might have been unemployed for 2 and a half years, I still wouldn't even have to touch the disability box on the applications.

It sucks some days but rocks other days. When trying to get a girlfriend, IT SUCKS!! ! When studying ANYTHING, IT ROCKS!! ! I wouldn't be in college if I didn't have Aspergers. I wouldn't have my kind of foresight without Aspergers, and I wouldn't be my quirky self without it. When examining these storied "NT'S", I see that their lives aren't much better than mine. All those friends they report to have are actually fakes and liars. Many people feel just as lonely as you do, but they aren't as honest. Yes, people have "used" me in the past. Yes, I've been made fun of, but it's cool. Everyone has problems and blaming Aspergers on all your problems is not healthy. I've been working really hard to learn social skills because I hate accepting a status I don't want to belong to. And you know what, it has been working. I am slowly making friends and slowly evolving into a more "normal" person. I hate saying I have Aspergers, I simply say I am introverted now. Yes, I still have some problems with social anxiety and being selectively mute in some situations. But seeing where I came from to now motivates me to keep trying. I've f****d up SO MUCH, when it comes to dating girls. But I'm starting to catch my stride, I think. At least, girls will talk to me now lol. I'll level with you, there are many times when I've cried about this condition: the loneliness and helplessness it seems to bring, but there are other times when I've been happy. Yes, all of my friends are about 10 years older and all introverted, but that works for me. You simply have to find what works for you. And yeah, I know how "self-helpy" that sounds. My social interactions are based on a massive amount of mental, mathematical calculations I have to make each day to survive. I try things out: how much do you joke with the check out girl, how long do you linger to ask out a girl what methods work best??? Blah, blah, blah... It's laborious and seems to get me nowhere, but I think it's working. Anyways, I don't want you to feel like your life is hopeless because of this condition.

Why do you assume that people don't or wouldn't like you because of your aspergers? What if they're just shallow as*holes? Either way, there's so much more to a person than their disability and if people can't see past that, it's their loss. You don't need to associate with people like that.

Talent is a crock of s**t. You don't get good at something by being talented. You get good at something by doing it over and over again (especially if its something you enjoy). And really, "talented" people are the most lazy, complacent idiots ever. If you wan to do sports or learn music or whatever, then what's the harm is joining a club? I understand that, because of your AS you might find the idea of meeting others to be very distressful, but it's a great way of getting out of your comfort zone and learning new things about yourself. Or you could just do online tutorials *shrugs*.

Y'know another thing that is actually learned? Empathy. Something people have a greater capacity to learn it than others, but it is a learned trait. Those people you describe don't sound very empathetic to me. Again, these sound like the kind of people you really don't want to associate with. Also, it sounds like the problem is them, not you. You sound like someone that attempts to initiate social situations, that has worked very hard to overcome their problems and those people have not even done the minimal amount of effort needed, which is listening.

You talk about how you feel like you are dying inside. that sounds like depression to me. Have you had a diagnosis? Maybe you need to take this up with your doctor. Doesn't mean you need to get medicated, but maybe some counseling can help you deal with your isolation and those negative thinking patterns.

I really wish there was a way for me to travel through your monitor and tell you, in person, that it's not your fault and you don't need to change. You sound like a person who has been trying to change and improve their whole life and maybe it's about time that others change.

Oh - you don't need to believe in God to be happy. Trust me - I'm also an atheist.