Why does no one want me to have a relationship?
03 Mar 2019, 10:57 am
03 Mar 2019, 11:00 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
It honestly feels like a game that I only see the 'attract mode' or 'Insert Coin' screen but I don't have any coins.
So go out there and earn some coins.
Marknis, I'm going to be very straight with you. I doubt that anybody here actively wants you to not get a girlfriend. Whether or not you get a girlfriend has such a minimal effect on the lives of everyone on this site that it would be insane for any of us to get so emotionally invested one way or the other. Most of us would like to see you succeed just as we'd like to see anyone else on this site succeed, but if you don't choose to make the choices that will lead you to success, it's not like it's going to cause any problem in our day-to-day lives. People tend to only get strongly emotionally invested in things that affect them, and your getting a girlfriend or not getting a girlfriend quite frankly doesn't affect us personally.
What you're likely experiencing from others on this site and mistaking as ill-will is backlash from those who are frustrated by the fact that you've been given tons and tons of good advice and rather than implement what's applicable, you choose to ignore it and continue ruminating about the same problem for years on end. If you don't get your act together, it's quite likely that you will never overcome your struggles.
Most people have a preference for a partner who is physically attractive and healthy. You're overweight and pre-diabetic. Most people have a preference for a partner who is independent, financially stable and with a decent career and job prospects. You live with your mother, there's no indication that that's going to change any time soon if at all, you presumably don't make enough to comfortably live independently and you do part-time and unskilled work and have minimal marketable job skills and prospects which, again, there's no indication that you're doing anything to improve. People, but specifically women, prefer partners who are ambitious/go-getters. Despite reaching adulthood 12 or 13 years ago, you've never moved out of home and lived independently and you've been at the same unskilled dead-end job for over 10 years, so judging by your living and employment situations, you are the antithesis of ambitious.
So what do you have going for you? Well I'd assume you're a cordial, kind-hearted man who cares about those close to you, but if that's all you've got to offer a woman, well quite frankly it's not enough, as your experience should tell you.
If you don't work towards improving your living situation, employment situation, financial situation, dietary situation, physical appeal or any combination of those until you're an appealing enough prospective partner for a woman to consider dating, you will continue to allow years and years of your life pass you by without any improvements to your romantic situation. You need to set some life goals and get working on them quick-smart if you want any hope of finding yourself a romantic partner. If you don't choose to, it's no skin off my nose, but just know that your own complacency is the driving force behind your failure. Not what your parents did or didn't do when you were younger, not your older brother, not what other people told you, not the bible belt, but your unwillingness to step up to the plate and do what's required to attract a woman into your life.
If you don't want to be commiserating about the same problems by the time you're 40, you'd best start becoming an independent, financially stable, healthy adult now. If you don't, then you only have yourself to blame, and don't be surprised when people get tired of hearing you complain about the same problems endlessly when you're not taking the measures necessary to solve them.
Can I add "freeing yourself from toxic relationships" to the list above?
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
03 Mar 2019, 5:24 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
It honestly feels like a game that I only see the 'attract mode' or 'Insert Coin' screen but I don't have any coins.
So go out there and earn some coins.
Marknis, I'm going to be very straight with you. I doubt that anybody here actively wants you to not get a girlfriend. Whether or not you get a girlfriend has such a minimal effect on the lives of everyone on this site that it would be insane for any of us to get so emotionally invested one way or the other. Most of us would like to see you succeed just as we'd like to see anyone else on this site succeed, but if you don't choose to make the choices that will lead you to success, it's not like it's going to cause any problem in our day-to-day lives. People tend to only get strongly emotionally invested in things that affect them, and your getting a girlfriend or not getting a girlfriend quite frankly doesn't affect us personally.
What you're likely experiencing from others on this site and mistaking as ill-will is backlash from those who are frustrated by the fact that you've been given tons and tons of good advice and rather than implement what's applicable, you choose to ignore it and continue ruminating about the same problem for years on end. If you don't get your act together, it's quite likely that you will never overcome your struggles.
Most people have a preference for a partner who is physically attractive and healthy. You're overweight and pre-diabetic. Most people have a preference for a partner who is independent, financially stable and with a decent career and job prospects. You live with your mother, there's no indication that that's going to change any time soon if at all, you presumably don't make enough to comfortably live independently and you do part-time and unskilled work and have minimal marketable job skills and prospects which, again, there's no indication that you're doing anything to improve. People, but specifically women, prefer partners who are ambitious/go-getters. Despite reaching adulthood 12 or 13 years ago, you've never moved out of home and lived independently and you've been at the same unskilled dead-end job for over 10 years, so judging by your living and employment situations, you are the antithesis of ambitious.
So what do you have going for you? Well I'd assume you're a cordial, kind-hearted man who cares about those close to you, but if that's all you've got to offer a woman, well quite frankly it's not enough, as your experience should tell you.
If you don't work towards improving your living situation, employment situation, financial situation, dietary situation, physical appeal or any combination of those until you're an appealing enough prospective partner for a woman to consider dating, you will continue to allow years and years of your life pass you by without any improvements to your romantic situation. You need to set some life goals and get working on them quick-smart if you want any hope of finding yourself a romantic partner. If you don't choose to, it's no skin off my nose, but just know that your own complacency is the driving force behind your failure. Not what your parents did or didn't do when you were younger, not your older brother, not what other people told you, not the bible belt, but your unwillingness to step up to the plate and do what's required to attract a woman into your life.
If you don't want to be commiserating about the same problems by the time you're 40, you'd best start becoming an independent, financially stable, healthy adult now. If you don't, then you only have yourself to blame, and don't be surprised when people get tired of hearing you complain about the same problems endlessly when you're not taking the measures necessary to solve them.
You give very good, straightforward advice.
03 Mar 2019, 6:23 pm
magz wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
It honestly feels like a game that I only see the 'attract mode' or 'Insert Coin' screen but I don't have any coins.
So go out there and earn some coins.
Marknis, I'm going to be very straight with you. I doubt that anybody here actively wants you to not get a girlfriend. Whether or not you get a girlfriend has such a minimal effect on the lives of everyone on this site that it would be insane for any of us to get so emotionally invested one way or the other. Most of us would like to see you succeed just as we'd like to see anyone else on this site succeed, but if you don't choose to make the choices that will lead you to success, it's not like it's going to cause any problem in our day-to-day lives. People tend to only get strongly emotionally invested in things that affect them, and your getting a girlfriend or not getting a girlfriend quite frankly doesn't affect us personally.
What you're likely experiencing from others on this site and mistaking as ill-will is backlash from those who are frustrated by the fact that you've been given tons and tons of good advice and rather than implement what's applicable, you choose to ignore it and continue ruminating about the same problem for years on end. If you don't get your act together, it's quite likely that you will never overcome your struggles.
Most people have a preference for a partner who is physically attractive and healthy. You're overweight and pre-diabetic. Most people have a preference for a partner who is independent, financially stable and with a decent career and job prospects. You live with your mother, there's no indication that that's going to change any time soon if at all, you presumably don't make enough to comfortably live independently and you do part-time and unskilled work and have minimal marketable job skills and prospects which, again, there's no indication that you're doing anything to improve. People, but specifically women, prefer partners who are ambitious/go-getters. Despite reaching adulthood 12 or 13 years ago, you've never moved out of home and lived independently and you've been at the same unskilled dead-end job for over 10 years, so judging by your living and employment situations, you are the antithesis of ambitious.
So what do you have going for you? Well I'd assume you're a cordial, kind-hearted man who cares about those close to you, but if that's all you've got to offer a woman, well quite frankly it's not enough, as your experience should tell you.
If you don't work towards improving your living situation, employment situation, financial situation, dietary situation, physical appeal or any combination of those until you're an appealing enough prospective partner for a woman to consider dating, you will continue to allow years and years of your life pass you by without any improvements to your romantic situation. You need to set some life goals and get working on them quick-smart if you want any hope of finding yourself a romantic partner. If you don't choose to, it's no skin off my nose, but just know that your own complacency is the driving force behind your failure. Not what your parents did or didn't do when you were younger, not your older brother, not what other people told you, not the bible belt, but your unwillingness to step up to the plate and do what's required to attract a woman into your life.
If you don't want to be commiserating about the same problems by the time you're 40, you'd best start becoming an independent, financially stable, healthy adult now. If you don't, then you only have yourself to blame, and don't be surprised when people get tired of hearing you complain about the same problems endlessly when you're not taking the measures necessary to solve them.
Can I add "freeing yourself from toxic relationships" to the list above?
I'm not sure that's quite as relevant as everything else I've said. "Freeing yourself of people who are holding you back from living a 30 year-old lifestyle" might be more apt in this situation.
03 Mar 2019, 6:25 pm
BlueIris24 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
It honestly feels like a game that I only see the 'attract mode' or 'Insert Coin' screen but I don't have any coins.
So go out there and earn some coins.
Marknis, I'm going to be very straight with you. I doubt that anybody here actively wants you to not get a girlfriend. Whether or not you get a girlfriend has such a minimal effect on the lives of everyone on this site that it would be insane for any of us to get so emotionally invested one way or the other. Most of us would like to see you succeed just as we'd like to see anyone else on this site succeed, but if you don't choose to make the choices that will lead you to success, it's not like it's going to cause any problem in our day-to-day lives. People tend to only get strongly emotionally invested in things that affect them, and your getting a girlfriend or not getting a girlfriend quite frankly doesn't affect us personally.
What you're likely experiencing from others on this site and mistaking as ill-will is backlash from those who are frustrated by the fact that you've been given tons and tons of good advice and rather than implement what's applicable, you choose to ignore it and continue ruminating about the same problem for years on end. If you don't get your act together, it's quite likely that you will never overcome your struggles.
Most people have a preference for a partner who is physically attractive and healthy. You're overweight and pre-diabetic. Most people have a preference for a partner who is independent, financially stable and with a decent career and job prospects. You live with your mother, there's no indication that that's going to change any time soon if at all, you presumably don't make enough to comfortably live independently and you do part-time and unskilled work and have minimal marketable job skills and prospects which, again, there's no indication that you're doing anything to improve. People, but specifically women, prefer partners who are ambitious/go-getters. Despite reaching adulthood 12 or 13 years ago, you've never moved out of home and lived independently and you've been at the same unskilled dead-end job for over 10 years, so judging by your living and employment situations, you are the antithesis of ambitious.
So what do you have going for you? Well I'd assume you're a cordial, kind-hearted man who cares about those close to you, but if that's all you've got to offer a woman, well quite frankly it's not enough, as your experience should tell you.
If you don't work towards improving your living situation, employment situation, financial situation, dietary situation, physical appeal or any combination of those until you're an appealing enough prospective partner for a woman to consider dating, you will continue to allow years and years of your life pass you by without any improvements to your romantic situation. You need to set some life goals and get working on them quick-smart if you want any hope of finding yourself a romantic partner. If you don't choose to, it's no skin off my nose, but just know that your own complacency is the driving force behind your failure. Not what your parents did or didn't do when you were younger, not your older brother, not what other people told you, not the bible belt, but your unwillingness to step up to the plate and do what's required to attract a woman into your life.
If you don't want to be commiserating about the same problems by the time you're 40, you'd best start becoming an independent, financially stable, healthy adult now. If you don't, then you only have yourself to blame, and don't be surprised when people get tired of hearing you complain about the same problems endlessly when you're not taking the measures necessary to solve them.
You give very good, straightforward advice.
Thanks.
03 Mar 2019, 9:10 pm
Marknis wrote:
I lost my composure in public after finally going with my mother and stepfather to a gym. I feel so overwhelmed. I don't know what to focus on or handle all these things within reason. I hate that I was born.
What made you lose your composure? What things overwhelmed you?
03 Mar 2019, 9:32 pm
Marknis, I don't have any advice on relationships beyond what has already been said.
However, as someone who just had their life shattered, and is trying desperately to put it back together again, don't try to overhaul your entire life at once. Find one thing that you can change and start there. One change is plenty difficult, but also possible.
I wish I could give you an inspiring story on how I overhauled my life, but the truth is it's difficult process that I have just begun.
_________________
"Ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge is power."
04 Mar 2019, 1:13 am
Marknis wrote:
I lost my composure in public after finally going with my mother and stepfather to a gym. I feel so overwhelmed. I don't know what to focus on or handle all these things within reason. I hate that I was born.
You should go without them. Really. For every post mentioning any of them, I see you don't feel comfortable with them.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
04 Mar 2019, 12:40 pm
Marknis, I can safely say all of us here want you to be able to find a relationship that makes you happy. If we didn't, we wouldn't bother trying to give advice on how you could improve your situation. While the suggestions offered aren't going to instantly land you a girlfriend, they could help you improve your life significantly, and working to improve yourself shows that you aren't content to just sit and let life pass you by. It also shows maturity, because it shows that you're willing to take some steps yourself to change parts of your situation.
The Grand Inquisitor has given you lots of good advice, as losing weight and becoming financially independent will make you much more desirable in the dating market. If you're able to, it wouldn't hurt to take a few courses at your local community college, or try a trade school. As far as losing weight goes, 80% of it is about diet. You need to maintain a caloric deficit (there are apps and calculators that can help you with this), and make sure you're burning more calories than you're taking in.
04 Mar 2019, 3:23 pm
BlueIris24 wrote:
Marknis, I can safely say all of us here want you to be able to find a relationship that makes you happy. If we didn't, we wouldn't bother trying to give advice on how you could improve your situation. While the suggestions offered aren't going to instantly land you a girlfriend, they could help you improve your life significantly, and working to improve yourself shows that you aren't content to just sit and let life pass you by. It also shows maturity, because it shows that you're willing to take some steps yourself to change parts of your situation.
The Grand Inquisitor has given you lots of good advice, as losing weight and becoming financially independent will make you much more desirable in the dating market. If you're able to, it wouldn't hurt to take a few courses at your local community college, or try a trade school. As far as losing weight goes, 80% of it is about diet. You need to maintain a caloric deficit (there are apps and calculators that can help you with this), and make sure you're burning more calories than you're taking in.
There is nothing in this post that I disagree with. Everything in this post has been suggested over and over again for the last three years, and it's about time that action was taken upon it.The Grand Inquisitor has given you lots of good advice, as losing weight and becoming financially independent will make you much more desirable in the dating market. If you're able to, it wouldn't hurt to take a few courses at your local community college, or try a trade school. As far as losing weight goes, 80% of it is about diet. You need to maintain a caloric deficit (there are apps and calculators that can help you with this), and make sure you're burning more calories than you're taking in.
Success comes to those who are too busy achieving it to complain about not having it.
06 Mar 2019, 2:23 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I lost my composure in public after finally going with my mother and stepfather to a gym. I feel so overwhelmed. I don't know what to focus on or handle all these things within reason. I hate that I was born.
What made you lose your composure? What things overwhelmed you?
Bad memories of going to a gym but never getting any results, getting turned down by a girl, and conflicting advice on talking to girls at the gym. The worker at the front desk also came off as rude to me, the place had a bad smell, and I was having an anxiety attack. My life feels like I have to slog through everything and I will most likely be at death's door when I finally do all the requirements for a girlfriend.
BlueIris24 wrote:
Are you able to go without them?
I can. I went in my own vehicle so I was able to get away when the anxiety attack became unbearable.
06 Mar 2019, 6:13 pm
BlueIris24 wrote:
Marknis, I can safely say all of us here want you to be able to find a relationship that makes you happy. If we didn't, we wouldn't bother trying to give advice on how you could improve your situation. While the suggestions offered aren't going to instantly land you a girlfriend, they could help you improve your life significantly, and working to improve yourself shows that you aren't content to just sit and let life pass you by. It also shows maturity, because it shows that you're willing to take some steps yourself to change parts of your situation.
The Grand Inquisitor has given you lots of good advice, as losing weight and becoming financially independent will make you much more desirable in the dating market. If you're able to, it wouldn't hurt to take a few courses at your local community college, or try a trade school. As far as losing weight goes, 80% of it is about diet. You need to maintain a caloric deficit (there are apps and calculators that can help you with this), and make sure you're burning more calories than you're taking in.
The Grand Inquisitor has given you lots of good advice, as losing weight and becoming financially independent will make you much more desirable in the dating market. If you're able to, it wouldn't hurt to take a few courses at your local community college, or try a trade school. As far as losing weight goes, 80% of it is about diet. You need to maintain a caloric deficit (there are apps and calculators that can help you with this), and make sure you're burning more calories than you're taking in.
My mind keeps telling me getting a relationship needs to happen immediately or I am missing opportunities because it feels like most women in my age range are already in relationships and it makes me fearful that my chances are getting fewer and fewer even if I try to get better. How can I change this outlook?
I actually have taken some community college classes (It's all I can realistically afford at my income level). I was told college was going to be better for me socially than high school was but my experiences were disappointing and underwhelming. Supposedly college is meant to help you discover endless possibilities for future goals but I didn't see that there.
06 Mar 2019, 9:20 pm
Marknis wrote:
Bad memories of going to a gym but never getting any results, getting turned down by a girl, and conflicting advice on talking to girls at the gym. The worker at the front desk also came off as rude to me, the place had a bad smell, and I was having an anxiety attack. My life feels like I have to slog through everything and I will most likely be at death's door when I finally do all the requirements for a girlfriend.
The reason you didn't get results, as we've established in the past, was because you didn't change your diet, and diet is 80% of weight loss imo. You need to burn more calories than you consume in order to lose weight. If you weren't doing cardiovascular activity and you were still consuming a high amount of calories, then it wouldn't be surprising that your weight loss results would be minimal.
And you're not going to the gym to pick up women, and doing so probably wouldn't result in any favourable outcomes unless you have an Adonis-type body, but certainly not if you're overweight. That's like trying to sell beef in a vegan restaurant. People who frequent the gym are going to generally want partners who also take care of their body and physique.
If you didn't like the gym you were at, I'm sure there'd be others you could go to, or you could even get cardiovascular exercise without going to the gym at all.
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