scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-8

Feeling subhuman, like my life will never change. That I'll stay this way forever.
I've had a few comments that have cheered me up but I'm just waiting for one e-mail that will hopefully cheer me up.

No number.

It's 4:18am.

I've just spent the past day shaking uncontrollably and trying not to be sick.

My head feels like there are sparks going through it.

My muscles are so tense that it feels like I'm going to snap. My leg muscles are locked up to the point where it really hurts to walk.

I keep seeing showers of flashes of lights.

The only reason I haven't cried myself to sleep is that I feel completely frozen inside, and I'm expending a lot of energy just on not thinking.

Despite all this, I'm still managing to work and complete a postgraduate degree, which I'm rather proud of. I got incredible amounts of uni work done yesterday just because I was afraid to stop working in case I started thinking.

As useful as the above is, this is no way an indication that I am enjoying the current state of affairs or my state of mind. I am rather desperate to find something that will stop just the physical pain.

^ I am sorry. (((((((Hugs))))) i hope you find relief soon.

~~~~~~~

i am drinking Early Grey Tea and eating an incredibly sugary, honey-laced fruit and nut slice, addictive but I always feel very tired after eating it. Just fed Nobs, Baabara, Doll and Wooly, and had a cuddling/patting session with Baabara and Wooly, Nobs hanging around for a few pats, and Doll being her independent, shy self, napping alone a few metres away. She is not very social, lol, even with her brothers and sisters. Doll was trying to get her mouth around the bottle neck as I was feeding Baabara yesterday evening, she ended up mistaking my finger for the bottle and biting it she broke the skin too, really sharp teeth. I cant believe Doll bit me, it sounds strange when I tell others.

-7

Feelings suck

irrrrrrriiitaaaattteeeeed!! !! ! but it will pass.

At the minute -10.
But in an hour will have moved to +10.
Well one hour and five minutes. <3

What # do I give for feeling high because I'm having a delusional fantasy & I'm worried that I need professional help

zen_mistress- thanks.

I just read something again, because I have a real penchant for torturing myself.

Again, I feel like I've just been stabbed.

-10000000000000000000000001

You know, I thought my family would be more supportive, but I guess not. It seems that my friends cannot support me either. That's why I feel so empty.

You're welcome. I hope you get back to the study you are doing, and fun things, and stop reading things that make you feel bad.

2. A bit ronery. Wish I was at home again on MSN.

Again, thanks.


Still the same. There must be something horribly wrong with me for all the people I love to keep leaving.
I try so hard to treat people decently and be a good friend to my friends, but everyone disappears anyway.
And since I get rejected in favour of people who are:
- glad when my friends hurt themselves
- unable to control their insecurity

there is obviously something very badly wrong with me.

^ I dont know that really that means there is something wrong with you. Sometimes people just go off with people, I have had a lot of people do that to me, later on now I have realised that perhaps that happened because there are better people for me in the future.

A lot of the people who treated me badly in the past, I now realise, were not people who really should have had my friendship in the first place. Or otherwise they are people who could still be friends, but of a more distant, acquaintance variety.

Also, the 20s are a time of meeting many people and a lot of stuff happens. I think it is normal to meet many acquaintances, and lose them. I have even seen this happen to NTs, though it seems to happen to me more

Anyway, you need to stop thinking those thoughts, because they arent true. Even if you do have some problems, it doesnt mean you are any less worthy as a person.

The people haven't treated me badly, they've just... left. The most recent one has actually always been really sweet, and the way he's handled things has made the pain a lot less than it could be.

Well, I am not sure why that would be. I guess Aspergers has always meant to me that I cannot keep friends for as long as I would like. Perhaps it is something that many of us on this board face. But that still doesnt mean that there is something very wrong with you.

I kind of think that when people feel bad about themsellves, if is often because somebody in their life has in the past told them that very thing that they are telling themselves.

A person who tells a young person they are worthless, or even something else like fat, or stupid, and that person grows up with it always in the back of their mind "What if that person is right about me?"

I guess it is something we have to examine. i have grown up in an extremely critical environment, with peers bullying me and some teachers being very critical of my traits.

My parents, though not critical, have always been very achievement oriented and I havent turned into the daughter that they were planning on me to turn into.

What they wanted most for me is to be an independent person, and I havent managed to do that, I have actually turned out to be far worse than they could have imagined...

But I cant let what people think of me effect me. If i have faults it is up tome to work on the faults I can actually improve, and not put pressures in the areas where I cant help things so much.

I simply cant afford to listen to other people anymore, even wellmeaning people who think they know what is best for me, but dont have to walk around with my brain every day.

Minus 10.
I wish I was dead.
I hope I will be soon.