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scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Jonsi
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05 Mar 2011, 10:48 pm

Yeah, I kind of agree with that.



Stellar
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06 Mar 2011, 5:41 am

4.5. I'm like so extremely tired but I can't fall asleep. I'm scared of having more nightmares.



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06 Mar 2011, 7:13 am

0, I wanted to go visit my grans grave with my parents but cause I have no sense of time and misunderstood what they meant by asking me if I was ready, I was late and they were annoyed with me and I ended up not going :( and Im just a bunch of stress right now.



emlion
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06 Mar 2011, 7:34 am

-10.
damaged.



Jonsi
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06 Mar 2011, 3:20 pm

-2. So much to do, so little motivation.



ProfessorX
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06 Mar 2011, 3:26 pm

-4, not so good but, I know what some people would say regarding such therefore, I simply do my best..



Sweetleaf
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06 Mar 2011, 6:14 pm

-10 today is not going well, and I have no one to talk to about it.....not even on this site. Or maybe todays just a slow day on this site but I am in one of those 'everyone must hate me' mind sets.



emlion
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06 Mar 2011, 6:16 pm

^ i'm pretty sure no-one here hates you. :)

- - - - - - -

-8. i'm okay.



Sweetleaf
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06 Mar 2011, 6:20 pm

emlion wrote:
^ i'm pretty sure no-one here hates you. :)

- - - - - - -

-8. i'm okay.


Well I certainly hope not, but I should probably just talk to my counseler about how I feel.....but then he'll just tell me to find a time to listen to some meditation/breathing therepy disks he gave me. He can't seem to understand listening to someone I don't know talk on a cd telling me what to do does not feel very theraputic.



emlion
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06 Mar 2011, 6:23 pm

it's funny you say that, i thought that too until recently - i was talking to someone here Kaybee i think about meditation and stuff and i tried it and it's actually really, really good. i was completely cynical too, until i tried it.



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06 Mar 2011, 6:29 pm

emlion wrote:
it's funny you say that, i thought that too until recently - i was talking to someone here Kaybee i think about meditation and stuff and i tried it and it's actually really, really good. i was completely cynical too, until i tried it.


Maybe I am afraid of what I will find if I do that, I mean the things that go on in my head that I am aware of are bad enough...I don't really want to dig deeper. It just seems like no one gets that Im in pain and just want some relief. Eventually I might be ready to try out more meditation and really try and come to terms with things hidden inside that are bothering me. This might be stupid but I feel like if I listened to one of the meditation things alone I might find something I don't want to let out and wont be able to handle it alone with only a cd player for company.



emlion
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06 Mar 2011, 6:32 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
emlion wrote:
it's funny you say that, i thought that too until recently - i was talking to someone here Kaybee i think about meditation and stuff and i tried it and it's actually really, really good. i was completely cynical too, until i tried it.


Maybe I am afraid of what I will find if I do that, I mean the things that go on in my head that I am aware of are bad enough...I don't really want to dig deeper. It just seems like no one gets that Im in pain and just want some relief. Eventually I might be ready to try out more meditation and really try and come to terms with things hidden inside that are bothering me. This might be stupid but I feel like if I listened to one of the meditation things alone I might find something I don't want to let out and wont be able to handle it alone with only a cd player for company.


I know what you mean. At first I found I thought more and there were some scary thoughts but now it empties my mind completely. I think of nothing, and it's bliss for that 20 minutes that i try to do it everyday.

Still each to their own. I hope you find a way to help with your pain. I know how terrible it is to not to be able to sort it out and have to cope with it every day.



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06 Mar 2011, 6:44 pm

emlion wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
emlion wrote:
it's funny you say that, i thought that too until recently - i was talking to someone here Kaybee i think about meditation and stuff and i tried it and it's actually really, really good. i was completely cynical too, until i tried it.


Maybe I am afraid of what I will find if I do that, I mean the things that go on in my head that I am aware of are bad enough...I don't really want to dig deeper. It just seems like no one gets that Im in pain and just want some relief. Eventually I might be ready to try out more meditation and really try and come to terms with things hidden inside that are bothering me. This might be stupid but I feel like if I listened to one of the meditation things alone I might find something I don't want to let out and wont be able to handle it alone with only a cd player for company.


I know what you mean. At first I found I thought more and there were some scary thoughts but now it empties my mind completely. I think of nothing, and it's bliss for that 20 minutes that i try to do it everyday.

Still each to their own. I hope you find a way to help with your pain. I know how terrible it is to not to be able to sort it out and have to cope with it every day.


Yeah and it sucks that I can't seem to really talk to anyone about it.....I mean if I tell any family members that the pain is so bad I have seriously been considering ending it. They might try to be helpful but will end up just ridiculing me and telling me they know its hard but people have it worse, and I should be greatful and all that. I don't wan't to tell my counseler because the confidentiality rules are as long as you dont say your going to cause harm to yourself or someone else your good. Otherwise they can let it out.



emlion
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06 Mar 2011, 6:46 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
emlion wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
emlion wrote:
it's funny you say that, i thought that too until recently - i was talking to someone here Kaybee i think about meditation and stuff and i tried it and it's actually really, really good. i was completely cynical too, until i tried it.


Maybe I am afraid of what I will find if I do that, I mean the things that go on in my head that I am aware of are bad enough...I don't really want to dig deeper. It just seems like no one gets that Im in pain and just want some relief. Eventually I might be ready to try out more meditation and really try and come to terms with things hidden inside that are bothering me. This might be stupid but I feel like if I listened to one of the meditation things alone I might find something I don't want to let out and wont be able to handle it alone with only a cd player for company.


I know what you mean. At first I found I thought more and there were some scary thoughts but now it empties my mind completely. I think of nothing, and it's bliss for that 20 minutes that i try to do it everyday.

Still each to their own. I hope you find a way to help with your pain. I know how terrible it is to not to be able to sort it out and have to cope with it every day.


Yeah and it sucks that I can't seem to really talk to anyone about it.....I mean if I tell any family members that the pain is so bad I have seriously been considering ending it. They might try to be helpful but will end up just ridiculing me and telling me they know its hard but people have it worse, and I should be greatful and all that. I don't wan't to tell my counseler because the confidentiality rules are as long as you dont say your going to cause harm to yourself or someone else your good. Otherwise they can let it out.


We're all here. And lots of us know how you feel - I especially do. I want to end it sometimes, but however cliched - things do get better.
2 years ago I was homeless without a penny to my name, now i have a job, flat and boyfriend - things aren't perfect, but they do get better eventually.

Try not to harm yourself though (i'm the bggest hypocrite, i cut myself only this morning) as it doesn't help anything really.



Sweetleaf
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06 Mar 2011, 6:56 pm

emlion wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
emlion wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
emlion wrote:
it's funny you say that, i thought that too until recently - i was talking to someone here Kaybee i think about meditation and stuff and i tried it and it's actually really, really good. i was completely cynical too, until i tried it.


Maybe I am afraid of what I will find if I do that, I mean the things that go on in my head that I am aware of are bad enough...I don't really want to dig deeper. It just seems like no one gets that Im in pain and just want some relief. Eventually I might be ready to try out more meditation and really try and come to terms with things hidden inside that are bothering me. This might be stupid but I feel like if I listened to one of the meditation things alone I might find something I don't want to let out and wont be able to handle it alone with only a cd player for company.


I know what you mean. At first I found I thought more and there were some scary thoughts but now it empties my mind completely. I think of nothing, and it's bliss for that 20 minutes that i try to do it everyday.

Still each to their own. I hope you find a way to help with your pain. I know how terrible it is to not to be able to sort it out and have to cope with it every day.


Yeah and it sucks that I can't seem to really talk to anyone about it.....I mean if I tell any family members that the pain is so bad I have seriously been considering ending it. They might try to be helpful but will end up just ridiculing me and telling me they know its hard but people have it worse, and I should be greatful and all that. I don't wan't to tell my counseler because the confidentiality rules are as long as you dont say your going to cause harm to yourself or someone else your good. Otherwise they can let it out.


We're all here. And lots of us know how you feel - I especially do. I want to end it sometimes, but however cliched - things do get better.
2 years ago I was homeless without a penny to my name, now i have a job, flat and boyfriend - things aren't perfect, but they do get better eventually.

Try not to harm yourself though (i'm the bggest hypocrite, i cut myself only this morning) as it doesn't help anything really.


I know things can get better but that is not very convincing to me because even when things are going well or improving I still feel horrible.....and then its worse because I know I should at least be content that things in life are ok. Also I think my PTSD is getting worse or something is getting worse. I am trying to just keep going....but yeah sometimes I end up halfway completing classwork the morning its due because I am in too much pain or too busy killing the pain to get to it on the weekend or night before. I can probably still pass, but still I hate that my mental pain gets in the way of my life and I have no one close to me that really understands. I also feel like if I really try and get help for the suicidal feelings then no one in my family will have any respect for me....so I get stuck on if it comes down to it should I call someone and be stopped or just get it over with so I don't have to deal with their hatered when they find out what my intentions where.



emlion
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06 Mar 2011, 6:59 pm

you'd be surprised on how they'd react.
maybe they'd want to help you instead of condemn you?
i always think people will hate me for being 'weak' but they never actually do.
i mean, would you hate someone who was having these thoughts?