I don't want to be a narcissist

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Edna3362
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06 May 2023, 8:26 pm

Ah, I dunno.

I know a real empath who can out drink men twice her body mass. And has the intent to get drunk but couldn't.
And, for some reason she's confused about herself -- never blabbed impulsively or lose guard and most of her cognitive functions in anyone's presence.


But that's just her.
I dunno about you and how your head works. Maybe if you look a bit deeper, and if you see a part of you that wants to go out...

Hm.
I recommend to do it with someone you can absolutely trust before attempting to do that to any other people's presence.
As in people you know really well enough who can put up with anything you do, even at your worst.

And it's not about losing social skills -- it's about vibing with alcohol as an excuse to be 'more open'. This includes said 'loss' of social skills -- even 'loss' of empathy -- thus actual loss of inhibitions.

However, the line draws in addiction, violence and serious decision making.


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Joe90
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06 May 2023, 8:37 pm

Edna3362 wrote:
Ah, I dunno.

I know a real empath who can out drink men twice her body mass. And has the intent to get drunk but couldn't.
And, for some reason she's confused about herself -- never blabbed impulsively or lose guard and most of her cognitive functions in anyone's presence.


But that's just her.
I dunno about you and how your head works. Maybe if you look a bit deeper, and if you see a part of you that wants to go out...

Hm.
I recommend to do it with someone you can absolutely trust before attempting to do that to any other people's presence.

And it's not about losing social skills -- it's about vibing with alcohol as an excuse to be 'more open'. This includes said 'loss' of social skills -- even 'loss' of empathy -- thus actual loss of inhibitions.

However, the line draws in addiction, violence and serious decision making.


My boyfriend really loses a lot of his social skills when he's drunk. It's like emotions just don't register with him at all. I've been crying before when he's been drunk, and he didn't even seem to notice. He was just indulged in the TV, flicking through the channels and yelling out insults to me in a slurry voice (the insults didn't even make sense). He just didn't know what he was saying or how he was making me feel. I kept telling myself that it's the drink talking, not him, but it was still horrible for me to have to put up with.

He's obviously sober more times than drunk, and I've been with him 9 years now and I know that the real him is a very kind, caring, decent man. But when he's had a few drinks he becomes very disconnected emotionally. He once threw my sanitary pads at me yelling "take your diapers!" That really upset me and I cried my heart out. But he just stood over me and started talking a load of nonsense, completely unaware of what he'd just said and how I was feeling.

Now that is lacking empathy; not knowing an obvious emotion when you see it and not knowing how to respond or not knowing what you're saying could upset a person, and I mean being completely oblivious. I'm sure most autistics are typically like that.


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Edna3362
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06 May 2023, 9:19 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
Ah, I dunno.

I know a real empath who can out drink men twice her body mass. And has the intent to get drunk but couldn't.
And, for some reason she's confused about herself -- never blabbed impulsively or lose guard and most of her cognitive functions in anyone's presence.


But that's just her.
I dunno about you and how your head works. Maybe if you look a bit deeper, and if you see a part of you that wants to go out...

Hm.
I recommend to do it with someone you can absolutely trust before attempting to do that to any other people's presence.

And it's not about losing social skills -- it's about vibing with alcohol as an excuse to be 'more open'. This includes said 'loss' of social skills -- even 'loss' of empathy -- thus actual loss of inhibitions.

However, the line draws in addiction, violence and serious decision making.


My boyfriend really loses a lot of his social skills when he's drunk. It's like emotions just don't register with him at all. I've been crying before when he's been drunk, and he didn't even seem to notice. He was just indulged in the TV, flicking through the channels and yelling out insults to me in a slurry voice (the insults didn't even make sense). He just didn't know what he was saying or how he was making me feel. I kept telling myself that it's the drink talking, not him, but it was still horrible for me to have to put up with.

He's obviously sober more times than drunk, and I've been with him 9 years now and I know that the real him is a very kind, caring, decent man. But when he's had a few drinks he becomes very disconnected emotionally. He once threw my sanitary pads at me yelling "take your diapers!" That really upset me and I cried my heart out. But he just stood over me and started talking a load of nonsense, completely unaware of what he'd just said and how I was feeling.

Now that is lacking empathy; not knowing an obvious emotion when you see it and not knowing how to respond or not knowing what you're saying could upset a person, and I mean being completely oblivious. I'm sure most autistics are typically like that.

Most dysregulated people are like that, autistic or not, drunk or not.
Empath or not -- an empath who cannot self regulate; including their instincts -- is a weak empath.

I happened to know what a strong empath actually looks like.

However, they are not an exemption to being a human. They're not exempted to misunderstandings.
They're also not exempted to rage, impatience, addiction or pettiness.
They're not exempted from dysregulation at any moment -- they're just good at realigning themselves back.


I personally know a fare share of violent drunks and alcoholics from my relatives who happened to live across the street from where I live.
As in like, involving hospitals and the police level of escalation.

And yes, this includes domestic violence -- I've seen one sided abuser and abused (my paternal grandparents), I've also seen both sides fighting (my parents), then there's that easily dysregulated person who instigates violence and instability when drunk enough (my uncle in law).

If I were to have a partner in later life, I wouldn't pick someone who chooses drinking as a coping mechanism and suggest differently.

And I would be an equal to them.
I wouldn't want a dynamic where I'm the only one putting up with the partner and the other couldn't.

Not that I'm questioning the nature of your relationships...

... Do you have someone like that?
Someone you absolutely trust, someone who can forgive you at every turn and be very grateful for that?

Someone you can practically unmask yourself in front of? Autism labels be damned? "Narcissism" be damned?

It's not the same as an enabler.
Enablers are yes-people, blindly agreeing and giving in validation without thought.


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AprilR
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07 May 2023, 7:29 am

Tbh i think everyone has selfish (not narcissistic) traits, it is not right to label someone acting selfish once as narcissistic.

Narcissistic behavior is something else entirely, it is like no matter how much you give or sacrifice for someone it is never "enough" for them.



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07 May 2023, 8:17 am

IMO narcissism is a spectrum , we are all on that spectrum. Some of us have more narcissism characteristics than others, it doesn't mean you are actually a narcissist or have NPD to show narcissism characteristics, things like self-centredness are actually healthy to a certain degree as it promotes confidence & resilience.


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07 May 2023, 11:10 am

The above two posts are true.


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IsabellaLinton
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07 May 2023, 12:25 pm

Solipsism is another interesting topic.

I relate strongly to the second description, but not the first.

Image

I've always had a philosophical or metaphysical feeling like the world might not be real and all I really know is my own consciousness, even though I'm not delusional and don't have derealisation disorder. Nor does it mean I don't care about people or that I really believe I'm the only consciousness or point of view. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this except to say it's different from Narcissism yet has some overlapping context.

Image


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AprilR
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07 May 2023, 12:32 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Solipsism is another interesting topic.

I relate strongly to the second description, but not the first.

Image

I've always had a philosophical or metaphysical feeling like the world might not be real and all I really know is my own consciousness, even though I'm not delusional and don't have derealisation disorder. Nor does it mean I don't care about people or that I really believe I'm the only consciousness or point of view. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this except to say it's different from Narcissism yet has some overlapping context.

Image


Some people experience the world in a different wavelength, a world of personal values and concepts different than other people. You might be one of them. (infp experience perhaps?) this has nothing to do with narcissism.

I think what is disturbing about narcissists are they constantly put you down to make themselves look better.



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07 May 2023, 12:38 pm

I'd call it a different wavelength for sure. I think being autistic and in my case having synaesthesia, makes everything feel more personal and cerebral than it might for others, although I'd have no way of comparing. It just feels like the world only exists because of our (collective) conscious awareness of it. In that picture of the sun being "ME" I fully appreciate that there are billions of other "Me's" and I'm not the only one. I assume all the other Me's have this same philosophical sensation but I'm sure they don't. My mind is so big and "deep" that it's overwhelming to imagine billions of others happening simultaneously but that's the joy of Philosophy, I suppose. :twisted:


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07 May 2023, 12:49 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'd call it a different wavelength for sure. I think being autistic and in my case having synaesthesia, makes everything feel more personal and cerebral than it might for others, although I'd have no way of comparing. It just feels like the world only exists because of our (collective) conscious awareness of it. In that picture of the sun being "ME" I fully appreciate that there are billions of other "Me's" and I'm not the only one. I assume all the other Me's have this same philosophical sensation but I'm sure they don't. My mind is so big and "deep" that it's overwhelming to imagine billions of others happening simultaneously but that's the joy of Philosophy, I suppose. :twisted:


You sound like one of my old friends, she was an infp as well!

I do experience the world like this as well sometimes, but other times i feel like i just exist for other people's perception and i have to fulfill their expectations of me. It is tiring to switch between the two. Anyway sorry for going offtopic



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08 May 2023, 5:49 am

It's so nice to see you posting again April. :heart:
I have no idea what INFP is.
I know it's that test with the letters, but don't know what it means.
They might be my letters but I always have a hard time remembering.

Anyway, just thought I'd add that to the mix re: Narcissism.
It's not the same thing at all, yet some people get the two confused.


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08 May 2023, 8:18 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I've always had a philosophical or metaphysical feeling like the world might not be real.....


After reading this, you have to watch The Matrix you'll probably really enjoy it on a philosophical/metaphysical level.


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08 May 2023, 6:19 pm

it seems a person cant be content with themselves without being labelled as narcissist
im content with myself,my looks, my life.but if i say that im called narcissistic


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08 May 2023, 6:25 pm

Caz72 wrote:
it seems a person cant be content with themselves without being labelled as narcissist
im content with myself,my looks, my life.but if i say that im called narcissistic

No, I wouldn't say that's the case.

Most people do not label someone a narcissist unless other markers are apparent.



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13 Nov 2024, 4:39 am

I'd say that we all are a bit narcissistic. And that's something normal, we have to love ourselves at least a bit.


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