Rants

Post Reply New Topic

What leads you to that conclusion?

My paranoia, waxy, thought disorder, disorganized, craving of water, no reality, inappropriate emotions, and grandiosity. I'm sure there is more but this is all I can remember.

I'm not sure that it is safe for us to talk though, since it can activate me or you. nvm probably to late for that anyways.

Referential ideation also. soooo... I'm pretty messed up.

It might not be that bad. It sounds like you might be severely depressed with depersonalization and you're feeling fearful of your future, leading to feelings of paranoia.

Even if you had schizophrenia, you're an awesome person and don't forget it. Someone who likes the Fundamental Theory of Calculus has to be pretty curious and intelligent.

Thank you. I didn't even realize that. I thought that was an integral the whole time. oops. and yes, it would be nice to really know what is happening to me.

Thanks VMSmith. He was my little baby. Hope things are looking up down under.

eugh I don't know

Why the f*ck does this keep happening? What the f*ck did I do to deserve it? What the f*ck am I doing wrong?

F*ck my life, just f*ck my life...

What happened ?
You didn't do anything to deserve it !
You probably didn't do anything wrong !

I would beat myself up all the time with the same questions
and now I know I didn't do anything wrong.

Life, you have one, one not worth giving up on !

PM if you'd rather not get into it here

I think I am emotionless right now. Everything sounds good, and nothing sounds good. I am motivated, and I'm not motivated. Nothing seems to make sense. I'm happy and scared.

For Christmas this year I thought I would give the gift of a vacation to my family. I reserved six nights at the Contemporary Resort Hotel at Walt Disney World (since we already have 5 park hopper tickets good for 5 days). Our room was to overlook Bay Lake. I was so happy about getting this reserved. A couple years ago, my wife had planned a Disney vacation for us and our two kids and my mother. But my wife had to have gall bladder surgery and we didn't get to go. So this year I thought, let's do it and I will give it as a Christmas gift. Then, over casual conversation, I learned from three of my family members that a Disney vacation was something they didn't care for. In fact, they'd rather go to the mountains instead. So, I cancelled the reservations. There went that gift down the toilet.

Then, my wife began looking at mountain cabin rentals in the North Carolina and Smoky Mountain region. She finally said to me for me to just pick someplace. Well today I found a great one. Beautiful mountain views, plenty of decks, 8 foot home movie screen in a home theatre, billiards table, air hockey, games and games and games, home office for computer, two king size beds and two queen size beds, and the list goes on and on. And the place is less than a year old. I mentioned it to my wife---and I don't think she likes the idea of it.

So, as for vacation ideas---I give up for now. I so much wanted to give a vacation under the Chrismas tree this year. But---oh well.

I no longer have creativity at my job---I am a teacher. After 23 years of creative teaching, I now work in others' classrooms to help students. My pay is the same. My benefits are the same. I am an equal to all the other teachers---just as I have always been. But, my creativity is gone.

I feel kind of emotionless today. I think I just want to go home and go to bed.

I am a failure. I have not really accomplished anything in life.
Unemployment makes me feel useless which drives me deeper into depression.
I wish "failure" could be a profession but it is not possible to make a living from this skill.
If it were I would be the best at what I do.
I have no ambition,self confidence and I hate competition. I live in America which is a very competitive,ambitious and arrogant society.
The system has set me up for failure.
I wish I could live with an indigenous tribe somewhere that would accept my differences and allow me to succeed.
Isolation from society would make most people fail at life.

Just need to rant about my family, we visited them for the past few days(Fri-Mon), it was utter torture!

The main annoying points;

My mum's boyfriend drinking all day so that by 4pm he is drunk, he starts mouthing off about anyone and everything, at one point I was ready to punch him for some of the things he was saying about our lack of "christmas spirit" and how we were neglecting our daughter by not really celebrating christmas.

My mum going out every single night we were there, thanks mum, you don't see us for 6 months and you spend most of the day nipping out to the shops or to your friends and then you go out all night.

My dad - Same thing, hasn't seen us for 6 months and we saw him for about an hour each day

My neice - She is such a bad influence on my daughter, my daughter has been brought up to be polite and have manners etc, initially she was fine. On Friday when my dad visited my neice demanded pocket money, he gave her £2 she said that wasn't enough she wanted at least £10. My daughter ranted at my neice about how she was being very rude and that she had now hurt grandad's feelings by demanding more and saying it wasn't enough (this escalated to the point my daughter was nearly crying). By Sunday my daughter was just as bad as my neice so that when my dad visited they both ran up to him hands outstretched asking for money (daughter was disiplined for this). She was copying my niece almost word for word, simple things like asking what they wanted for lunch, she'd wait for my niece to speak and then she'd repeat the same thing, eating / drinking the same thing despite never liking it before. Example my daughter does not like salt and vinegar crisps but because my niece was eating them she wanted them too, she ate them but every mouthful her face screwed up in disgust.

My brother's on/off girlfriend and mother of my neice - I hate this woman with a passion, it's her fault my neice is such a brat and the problems she causes within my family are unbelievable. I hadn't seen her for 2 years prior to that because everytime we visited she was too stoned and / or hungover to get out of bed and come see us.

The whole time we were there I was so stressed and agitated and as soon as we got home yesterday I was making my little noises, hand movements and flipped out over the pc being broken (I was shouting and hitting myself, pulling my hair... major episode) all pent up stress / agitation from the weekend and I'm so exhausted.

I hate going there but this time was just the worst, we had nothing to do the whole time because my mum's boyfriend was hogging the TV downstairs, so the kids were upstairs watching the cartoons, we had nowhere to sit and quietly read. We ended up going shopping a few times just to get out of the house and stop from going crazy with boredom. The only time I got to really talk to my mum was when I stayed up late waiting for her to get back from the pub, I was so tired but I needed to check how things really were with everyone. The only time I really spoke with my dad he waffled on about computers and his job, ugh just thinking about them all makes me want to scream.

I don't feel human. I don't feel awake or alive. I just want to turn everything off for a while.

I'm not a nice person but I suppose I'm a person and that's enough.

I'm still wondering if my boyfriend has feelings for me. The only time I can get him to listen to me is through extreme measures. In a difficult postion where I can't move out because I have not enough money and I'm still working out my relationship with my family. I feel trapped and very frustrated. He hasn't taken me out on a good date for at least 2 years, I'm the one that has fix and organize everything we do. Do you know how frustrating that is? There is no romance, he says he's going to marry me and buy us a house I don't see a future at this stage. You see, he says he loves me and I do too (I really mean it) but how I can love someone who is making me feel unloved and unwanted due to the lack of attention he gives me. I haven't broken up with anyone yet and I almost broke up with him a couple of years for the same reason. It felt unbearable, like trying to pull out a shard of glass from my foot. I wish I was in a postion to break up with him, I don't how it will play out and what I'll do afterwards. Difficult.....

To atrat: "I live in America which is a very competitive,ambitious and arrogant society.", so is my society.
To puddingmouse: "I just want to turn everything off for a while." Yeah, me too. I just want to curl up in my own little Utopia where everything is perfect.
I had a rant in mind, but I decided not to post it cos I don't want to break any rule on WP. (The nicest thing that I can say now is that I have no clue why certain NTs are so bloody competitive. To them: Without money, would you die? Without power, would you die? Without popularity, would you die? Without good looks, would you die? Without friendship, would you die? Without love, would you die?)

I cannot be the only person who literally feels like they're suffocating when they can't get time away from people.