Why does no one want me to have a relationship?

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I don't believe that a person is abusive if there is no intention towards abuse.

If somebody is sad, I don't believe the sad person is "abusing" those around him/her. Sometimes, it could be a burden---but to put the title of "abuser" for a sad person who, through no intention his/her own, makes other people unhappy, is excessive.

It would be excellent if the sad person would seek to alleviate his/her sadness. And it would be great for the people around him/her, too.

Have you never heard of a 'Sociopath'? Have you never heard the phrase "This is for your own good"?If a person can be labelled an abuser for unintentionally causing a physical injury to another, then it stands to reason that so could someone who unintentionally causes emotional distress to another ... it's called "Emotional Abuse", by the way.Yeah, and if only people like that would take the hint...

I wouldn't label a person who unintentionally injures someone an "abuser."

In criminal law, one could be "reckless" in assaulting someone---yet still be charged with assault equally with someone who fully intended to assault someone.

But I don't believe this applies in this situation.

In my way of thinking, if a person doesn't intend to abuse someone, then that person is not an abuser. If a person is sad, that person could make others feel very unpleasant. Nevertheless, there is a difference between one who INTENDS to make things unpleasant, and one who just makes things unpleasant without INTENDING to create unpleasantness.

I feel it would be right for the sad person to seek treatment for his/her sadness----both for the benefit of his/her self, and others who care about him/her, and who hang out/work with him/her.

There's the problem. Your way of thinking is not shared by everyone else. Nor should it be.

Whether or not court cases could be made against people who constantly whine and complain about the same topics, it is simply an experiential facts that the emotional pain they unintentionally inflict on others is the same emotional pain inflicted by people who are intentionally abusive of others.

In either case, intent is irrelevant; only the act of infliction -- and the pain it causes -- matters.

I once had a relationship with a woman who suffered from depression... does that make her "sad"? Her behaviour was inpredictable and challenging and even embarrassing, but it was in no way abusive. In the end I decided I was happier on my own and ended the relationship.

By contrast wife #1 was emotionally abusive and controlling. Over the space of a few years I became frightened to say anything, I lost all my self-confidence and I was convinced that "no-one else would have me". I did eventually leave her but it was hard and a very sorry episode that affected my wellbeing for about 20 years afterwards.

I hope you have never been at the receiving end of this sort of thing.

In either case, intent (and/or cause) was not a consideration, only the results of their behaviors mattered.

One person's behavior tends to drive other people away, whether or not the behavior is intentional.* If you know this, and you intentionally make no attempt to change your 'unintentional' behavior, then your behavior becomes (by default) intentional -- you intentionally choose to retain your unpleasant behavior, thus making it your fault that you drive other people away.

*Calling Captain Obvious!

Where did I ever say that people shouldn't seek to take steps to alleviate whatever is troubling them?

I am a total nonbeliever in NOT seeking to get rid of what's troubling a person, just because it's a "part" of that person.

In my mind, a person who does not intend to abuse is not an "abuser." To call such a person an "abuser" is stretching the semantic meaning to make it convenient for those who "suffer" at the hands of those who unintentionally make things unpleasant for others.

When did anyone ever say you did?You believe in seeking to get rid of what's troubling a person ... but what about when that person refuses to make the effort for themselves, despite years of being informed of their need to do so?

I feel like that's wrong, perhaps even morally wrong----but we can't force the person to seek treatment.

I agree, but the thing is that the terms "abuse" and "abuser" are simply wrong words to use here. If someone repeatedly hurts someone unintentionally, I wouldn't call them an abuser, but what they're doing is still wrong and needs to be stopped. A person who hurts others needs to take responsibility even if they didn't mean any harm.

Is that what you're trying to say, Fnord?

I agree with what Fireblossom says.

A person should take responsibility. But I don't such a person should "blame" his/her self. I don't believe the person is "doing anything wrong." If they "unintentionally" upset somebody.

I believe, in general, that people should take responsibility for the effect they have on other people.

I had to learn that lesson a few times. My inability to listen to others isolated me from people; hence, I had to learn to listen to people.

I want you to have a relationship and I want you to do everything that you can to get into one. I have faith in you.

Sweet Pea hugs

I actually did do cardiovascular work the majority of the time but apparently I did it 'wrong' because I mainly used an elliptical instead of a treadmill. Whenever I tried the treadmill, it made the neuropathy in my feet kick in. I tried it again three days ago and it did it again.

If you get neuropathy with a treadmill, and not an elliptical, then it's not wrong to use an elliptical instead of a treadmill.

As has been mentioned before, weight loss is about reducing calorie intake.

If you work out but continue to eat too much, you will not lose weight.

You have to eat less for weight loss to work. And it takes about 4-6 weeks of doing it every day to start to see results.

If you don't like the treadmill, don't use it.