Hope and Healing in The Forum

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I'm on the despairing end. I've never dated and dislike being around people. I'm really depressed. I don't know what to do.

The best way of saying this is often in my unorthodox daily life I do my best to remain hopeful & happy not thinking of the times or scenarios where I wound up being tormented. In fact, I feel disheartened with how many things which, I've set out to do sometimes, not all the time turn out to be empty realities.

Like a car battery I keep myself charged while giving and helping others.

When I'm wrapped up in me I make a small package.
My wife says I'm over dressed.

I added swimming to my exercise list for the past month.

I still can get in the hamster brain wheel. I did that last night after church looking for something. (Physical object not metaphysically speaking).

When all else fails-cat videos!

_

I always support you.

does it really help to tell family and close friends? I can't stand my family at times to the level that it messes with my behaviour. I don't want to feel this way but I honestly don't think telling them would change anything. Is there anything I can do (besides reclusion) to tolerate them?

At the same time, I feel like I would hurt my parents feelings by telling them. If it were me who found out a child of mine has been living with this for 29 years without knowing, I'd feel horrible as a parent. I guess my real question is what can I do to increase my tolerance with my family. I still live with them and will be for at least 3 more years. If I explode I hurt their feelings or create chaos in the family (as I've been told by them) and if I keep to myself I create chaos within myself.

Age sure is a bind. I basically found out in my old local paper, that my old primary school caretaker died. He was 79 and it appeared he died from Cancer. It made me sad. Especially as I recently lost a relative to the illness.
He was a good natured old sort and would welcome any questions or just help. I'd see him mopping that floor if I was early for class and we'd have a chat. Also, he led some outdoors field trips that were good. It just feels like another good person in my reminiscent life has had to die an unnatural death. He was my nans age too. Such a loss.
I couldn't feel any more bereaved if I tried. This one will take time to recover from. These days people just tend to interpret for you what you mean and don't listen. He wasn't like that.. neither were they in my family blood.

I’m trying so hard to understand myself...I am trying to tumble out of this depression, and I’m taking small incremental steps toward self-realization. It may not seem like much, but that’s what I’m doing.” I feel bad that I’ve had to distance myself from others, but I needed to know myself without others - and I’m trying to put my footing in the right direction. They are very small steps... the first one is to know I have HFA. I’m trying hard to understand my own emotions. I want to try and check in with how I feel each morning...I’m almost ready to start venturing into the world again...almost...I can feel joy slightly creeping into my life again.

Hello to any people in need reading this. I have been reading a lot of posts where people have been abused, bullied and harrassed and just want to say: ı'm horrified at what what you've been through. I was blessed enough to have a wonderful family and a few friends growing up. I was never seriously bullied and even when i have been my friend protected me. So i guess what i want to say is: you have EVERY right to hate ruthless people. There's absolutely no excuse for what they did to you and you're absolutely right to despise those kind of people and anyone who's less than respectful to you. Also, you owe people no explanation for your existence. If you have no job or whatever you're not a "productive" memner of society? They can shove their complaints so your parents who made you or God if they believe in him.

Sometimes I feel very sorry for myself but it always passes.

To everyone in need of a hug

I'm still learning to heal but I have some good things to share and believe you can always recover from being in a bad place as long as you have hope.

I was bullied for nine years of my life and undiagnosed, could never understand why I didn't fit in with the rest. When we got older and changed schools my old bullies saw me making friends for the first time and went after me on Facebook to write their ironic compliments or find things to criticize and make fun of. I then deleted that Facebook account and made a new one without adding them and i've never heard from them again. My new friends at that school didn't stay friends though because they were NTs of course and quickly got closer to each other than I got close to them as they were much more social and open and this made me feel left out so even though they continued being nice to me I distanced myself from them in respect for them as I figured they were only nice to me because they felt they had to.
After a while I started dating a popular guy at that school who only took advantage of me and after that I was left feeling completely alone, heartbroken and hopeless, got depressed. I recovered though, went to therapy which lead to me eventually getting my diagnose. Started making friends and I now have friends in my life who are the sweetest and most amazing people I know. I keep struggling with depressive feelings though but I do my best to deal with that and having people to talk to helps. Whenever things get too dark I compare my life 10 years ago to now and remind myself to be greatful. I know now there are other people like myself in the world and i've only met a few of them yet but they've become very good friends. These people will always accept me and understand me and that goes for everyone else too you might feel alone but there's so many people out there who struggle with feeling different, being misunderstood, lonley... You can always go out there and you'll meet someone. I met all my friends online but i've met most of them in real life as well. Self-acceptance is very important for happiness, having like-minded friends who are fine with their "weirdness" can help with that definietely. Being different is a good thing! I've always tried so hard to be NT and still find myself doing that but that doesn't make me happy. I easily pass as NT nowadays but that's not who I am and the more I accept who I am the more I discover about myself. I wish everyone struggling the best and that you find a good way to cope and be happy with who you are.