scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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sorry, but this seems more true.

-5. Stupid sleep.

I know it sucks. I'm sorry. I was trying to make you feel better cause I do believe it but I guess what you need more is sympathy right now.

-10

I really want to f*****g murder someone.

Sorry about your sleep emlion.

MXH - I don't know if you saw but I finished my unfinished post (my keyobard cut out on me.)

Anyway you're not a mistake to warn others. You are the only person who'll ever live your life, no one will ever have a life exactly like yours, so as hard as it is you have to figure out your own path in life and in doing this find your purpose and many mistakes will be made along the way and you will feel lost many times, like I do now, but I believe there is an ultimate meaning because if you were here to warn others you'd have been created a clone. Everyone is unique and thus in vastly different situations, the space between us is infinite, infinitely small and infinitely wide. You have to go it alone and that is the wide part but then you will find meaning and purpose and a connection to humanity and the rest of life, maybe at many separate moments, maybe you've already experienced some of these moments and are in for many more, and this is why you're here, not as a mistake.

I know the feeling of being a lost and hopeless and unwanted. You are not you are wanted by whatever force drives your mind's machinations. EVeryone knows how brains work more or less by what keeps them going? Inertia? What set it in motion? Something is driving you and therefore you have a destination and a destination is by its very nature a home and a home is by its nature "right" and safe and good. You have to believe this, So do I, that's one reason I'm saying it with such desperation, I need to believe this to go on.

I was a -7 because of some lame things that happened on a bike adventure, then I got up to a +5 because of some rabbits, then a +3 when I got home, but now I'm a -4 because this guy keeps on insisting that we should go out....and the thing is that he is local, not horrible looking....but I'm not looking for bf now, he's a couple years older than me, and he isn't mormon. I am not good at rejecting people, auuuuuuugh.

-2

I feel the desire to physicaly bite people in the face.

+3, even though I'm thirsty and my provisions are depleted.

I should probably go to bed soon anyway.

+4 Slightly irritable but I'm OK.

-5

Which is actually a significant improvement.

Just finished writing the standard "goodbye" to the object of my unrequited affection and it's helped to bring some closure to the whole episode.

Now there's just mourning to be done: Good Mourning everyone!