Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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To the persons whom felt my departure from WP was of a permanent nature? Wrong for even though I've been away from WP many months now never did the notion of remember this place or the people whom were truly sincere l;eave my being.Yes, I never did have the chance to strategically reconcile some unpleasant scenarios which, I chose to keep out of written manner yet, of a respectful nature rather let some people have their little game for the time being.Anyways that was a long time ago and I'm somewhat more wise and simply shant made any less human.Lastly, I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon so, I'll be trying to do my best to remain here on WP for the next 10yrs or until the internet blows up


From-ProfessorX

Dear "D",

You are one of my best friends. Please get your mania and anger under control. I'd hate to see you go back to a residential school. Please, I am begging you. You've been with me thick and thin.

Oh and by the way, I love you.

-zeromancerlove

Dear *****

I don't love you. I don't cry because you have hurt me I don't cry because you are gone. I'm just grateful that you left and i wasn't there still hoping for change. I only ever loved the image of you I created for her, of the loving father who would always be there. I always wanted a little girl. I wanted her to be close to her daddy and for you to mean the world to her and be worth every bit of her adoration. I'm so glad she has your father. I will never take that from her. He is everything you never were, everything you'll never be, and everything i never had. Its harsh but its the truth. I loved my father more than anything but like you, in my mind he looked more promising from a distance. Thank you for my little girl and thank you for bringing your parents into my life.

Dear mum,

Give me one reason why I should love you. Go on, try.

You gave me a home. A home of what? A prison where I've been confined my whole life? A place where I have no-one to relate to? A house you barely paid for ,yet seem to claim from my father?

You brought me to life. A life of misery. A life of discomfort and misery. A life you chose for me, not one I ever wanted.

You give me what I want. Everything I want to tr to make it up to me. You aren't helping anything. You just give me somewhere higher to fall from EVERY time.

You never notice what I do and are overprotective at the same time. I could be on WP ALL night and you would never notice. Yet, if I want to go to a friend's place for fun, you say no. You think I just sit here for four hours a night studying?

You think you know me, but honestly, I haven't told you anything in my life for the past six years. Why should I trust you? Whenever I did, it only brought more pain. You say you were the one who built me, who made me who I am.

Well then, who am I? Who do you think I am? You think I'm a happy person who doesn't care about her appearance. That annoys you. Half of that's true. I'm not happy. I never was. You think I'm weird because I refuse to wear dresses and eyeliner. I think you're weird when you do.

Everything has to be the way YOU want it, but you have the gut to give the blame to others. You're a terrible person. You shout and talk about people behind their backs. You are completely superficial and spend all of my father's money on your jewelery, clothing and handbag needs. We aren't made of money. We have enough problems with it as it is.

If I told you this, you'd blame it all on my best friend, saying I just want to be like her. I don't try to, but I sometimes wish I was. It's not her fault in ANY way. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't have to bottle everything up inside of me anymore. I don't have to bear with you.

You think your 'pep talks' help me? They don't. They never do. If they did, would I moan every time you told the same story about how great you were in high school? Guess what? You have no right to make all of my decisions for me. Whenever I have input in something, you ignore it. You say I'm the only reliable person in the house, the one who you trust the opinion of. I don't WANT to give my opinion on when shirt goes better with your leggings or which ring looks better. I would be happier if you just left me alone. Please.

Your 'loving' daughter

To Alexa,
I sat around, plotting revenge for your bullying. But now I know that it could never happen.
To Catherine,
I plotted your revenge too.
To Demi and Caitlin,
Why do you pretend that didn't happen? I know that it did.
And to all the rest of you from school,
Why, WHY didn't you stick up for me? Why, year after year, did you join in?

To anyone who is being bullied,
I can't give any advice. I suck at advice. But come talk, huh?

From the girl on the other side.

to random girl I kissed (with consent)

thanks a million

to other random girl I felt up (with consent)

thanks a million

-me

You,

You seem to like the passive aggressive game, so sure, we'll play it this way. I'm good at that kind of nonsense.

You are being a piss poor friend. You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you think everyone involved can't see you? I mean, I get that that was kind of the point, or else you wouldn't be so obvious, but even still; do you think everyone involved can't see through you? You're getting the exact opposite reaction of what you probably were intending.

Learn your place all ready.

Me

You,

Whether or not that was directed at me, I have just a couple of things to say.

Firstly: You're right. I am being a bad friend. I have been acting spoiled and churlish and letting my insecurities take over the part of my brain that actually thinks before it speaks. Even though I did try to make it clear that the things causing the pain were in the past, I should have thought of a more appropriate time to bring them up. I panicked when I shouldn't have, and that panic led to me behaving in a way that was wrong.

Secondly: I am fine with friendship and happy for your relationship. Any pain mentioned regarding that was in the past. The fact that things now have triggered unresolved grief does not mean that I am wishing for anything to change.

Thirdly: You have misunderstood my intentions. I have been being thoughtless, which was wrong of me. I have not been being passive-agressive. I have just been feeling insecure and trying to get reassurance.

Summary: You are right. I was wrong and thoughtless. I am sorry. You have woken me up to what my behaviour has been like. I feel ashamed of myself, but I am glad that I have now seen that how I have been acting has been perceived, and that how I have been acting is wrong.

- Me

Postscript: I am happy that the visit is going well. Any posts that I have made to that effect, as well as anything in messages saying that I am happy, has been sincere. I would have been dismayed if it had gone badly.

I just realized I can't delete or edit my posts after a certain amount of time.

Dear D

What I do is my own business and after making a turn around last September, I am not going to re-evaluate myself and make myself into something that you feel that I should be.

I also ask you kindly to please let me express my own opinions, and to please give me a little space and I ask this in peace and not conflict.

I've been feeling jittery around WP lately, but I don't want to leave because this site is my only support network.

Mick Avory...
I just wanted to sign that name.

WrongPlanet should be a safe place for everybody. It shouldn't only be safe for people who are mainstream. This isn't directed at anybody. It's just something that needs to be said and I hope that all of us at WP as a whole respects one another and supports each other. Every member comes with emotional baggage and a story to add to WrongPlanet. I would also like to say that you are all good people as a whole. I enjoy coming here and it's the funny moments that keep me coming back, day after day in the face of adversity. I've changed last year and along with that, I've changed the way that I deal with things. Two years ago, when I was angry at the world, I would have stayed away for months. Now that I'm more stable though my avatar might not show it right now, I just come back the next day and face the music like nothing happened to the best of my ability. You guys are really wonderful people and I've just got to say that I love you all.

CockneyRebel AKA Mick Avory

Dear you,

Yo, I was wondering if you could take a break from poking the endless supply of catholic p**** you seem to be getting in person now to maybe PM a certain friend here to tell her what the f**k is going on? I'm starting to get really angry at you watching her be hurt and obsessive about it all. What sort of friend sits there and lets her suffer? Obviously that piece of p**** has a stranglehold on you and now dictates your life and who you talk to. Also obvious is that she is the controlling psychopath and you're just her gullible socially ret*d puppet. You wouldn't f*****g listen to me or believe anything I said about her. Now look what she's done; she's successfully gotten rid of all your friends hasn't she? But don't worry I'm here to keep an eye on things, and keep check on your friend's wellbeing when she gets f****d over time and time again, after all you don't seem to give a s**t about how this stuff affects her. Hey, f*****g her over probably makes your fiance horny, so it's all good for you.
Now go ahead, call me a drama whore (that hurts my feewings ), but y'know drama gets the job done, just ask your fiance and how successful it was for her in April. If you don't cut the crap the drama from me will never f*****g cease from me. I'll intervene for your friends sake when it feels right. If your friend ever hurts herself or worse because of you....oooh...."you better damn well be" over and f*****g over again.

Yours truly,
Self appointed karma f*****g policewoman

Dear ------,

Sorry for being such a spiteful little b***h over your evening plans.
I hope I haven't spoiled anything.

Sadly, I've always conducted myself this way in friendships. Due to the fact that I've only ever been able to secure one or two friends (if any) at a time, I become consumed with the most unbearable jealousy and paranoia when confronted with anyone or anything that I perceive (usually unreasonably) as a threat to the relationship.
If I could build friendships in the manner that seems to come so naturally to NTs, there would be no need for me to invest so much emotionally in one chosen person.

I'm just sick to my back teeth of this perpetual isolation. It kills me inside, if you'll pardon the cliched teenage angst.

Anyhow, I've had enough of this twaddle for one night.
Yours,

---------

Dear French teacher,

I wish you knew that people are born different and that you can't fit them all in your tiny little boxes. I wish you could rustle up the brainpower to imagine that the majority is not the norm too.

But most of all, I wish you knew that not each and everyone of your pupils is supposed to operate only with a prepared set of words and sentences, even in foreign languages. Sometimes, people have a mind of their own.
How come this is a surprise for you? Well, considering that you are definitely on the spectrum too and you don't know it, and therefore you don't even try to do anything about it, I guess everything outside your black-and-white, right-and-wrong categories is off the table. You know, sometimes people like you actually make me want to give up the fight.

Best,

Dear you,

I've recently been given the information that earlier this year when all the drama happened, you thought that my friendship wasn't genuine, and that I only had romantic intent. I'm guessing that things said recently may have also given you that impression.

It's not true. I was hurt and disappointed with the romantic rejection, yes, but what did you expect? Did you think that your actions had that small of an impact on people's feelings? Did you think that you were that insignificant to people that the possibility, and subsequent loss of said possibility of a relationship with you would not make any impact on them?

However. I've always loved being friends with you, and the friendship would be just as precious to me even if romance had never come up. The friendship was what made me feel better through all the pain and heartbreak back then; I kept telling myself that things were not so bad as long as I had such a wonderful friendship.

This is the progression that I saw in my head and that contributed to me being so hurt over the romantic thingy:

Loss of romantic love -----------> loss of platonic love -------> loss of friendship -------> loss of care ------> complete and final loss of the person who is most important to me.
It was never about seeing friendship as second or some kind of consolation prize; it was about being hurt and disappointed and worrying that the way things had turned out would end the friendship. I was worried that maybe you'd think that I wasn't worth being friends with, now that the possibility of romance was gone. It seems to be the way things go normally: people are romantic, or think they can be romantic, it doesn't work out, there are promises of friendship, and the people never speak to each other again.

I was telling the truth about why I spoke of past events recently: I needed to get them out of my head, and there was enough distance from them to feel safe talking about them.
Yes, I was feeling sad, but only because memories of the pain and loss had been triggered, not because I was sad about things now. The only thing that bothered me about the current situation when I wrote those things was that I was worried that a certain person seeing you in person would make it easier for her to convince you that I wasn't worth knowing, and that you'd decide that the romance was enough for you and that your friendships weren't worth bothering with. I've seen it happen time and time again: people reject their friends for their partner. I didn't want to lose the friendship with you; it is more important to me than I can find words for.

I am really sorry that I gave the impression that my friendship with you wasn't genuine and that I was only in it for the possibility of romance (you know, if that was the case, I wouldn't have stuck around after you and someone got engaged. I stayed because I loved the friendship and didn't want to lose it). I told you time and time again that I loved being friends with you, and I meant it. I wish I knew how to make that more clear.

I hope you read this, and I hope a certain person doesn't get to you and convince you that it's manipulation. It's not: every word I've said to you has been sincere, and this is an attempt to explain things and clear up misunderstandings.

- Me

You,

You seem to like the passive aggressive game, so sure, we'll play it this way. I'm good at that kind of nonsense.

You are being a piss poor fiance. You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you think everyone involved can't see you? I mean, I get that that was kind of the point, or else you wouldn't be so obvious, but even still; do you think everyone involved can't see through you? You're getting the exact opposite reaction of what you probably were intending.

Learn your place all ready.

Me