scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-100000000000000000000 or something like that.

XD

-1
stubborn resistance to negative slide today.

I feel the worst ever. If this goes on much longer I'm out. I had a beautiful life, the sweetest most gorgeous thing, I got way more than I paid for but on a practical level it hurts too much to live with pain that doesn't look to be ending. Feel like if they did a brain scan it would show something hard to distinguish from someone being physically tortured's.

-3 crying...

Last edited by Sextaesada on 25 Oct 2011, 12:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

-7

If only I could escape from myself. I'm useless.

3

I may be depressed and suicidal most of the time, but a cartoon about ponies makes it all tolerable.

-10 the good news i suppose is life ends sometime and i don't believe in the concept of an afterlife, good, bad or indifferent.

-8 Long post, I know.

A couple of months ago, I went into the office to ask for maintanence on the kitchen sink and toilet seat. The guy was hard of hearing and pretended to hear me. He didn't. He sent his maintanence men over. The cloths washing machine comes with the washer on the bottum and dryer ontop. ok? They fixed the toilet and sink, but I never asked for the washer to be repaired. I didn't say the words "washing" or "machine" either. It was drying in the dryer before then. First time, pants were dry, and all the cloths with it, except for the pants pockets. Then they broke it, the washing machine side of it was stuck full of water, and it hasn't dried my cloths right since. They took care of the washer part of the. It took 3-5 drying rounds for it to finaly dry the cloths, sometimes more than that. It took hours for one stupid load. I could put three times that in one of their dryer coin machines here, and it will get it the first time.

I neglected to mention the toilet and dryer both, because one of them is a jerk. He would come into our apartment and act like I was stupid, seldomly listening to me, and showing me things that are basic enough for a three year old. -.- For example, the air conditioner fan was on, and I was perfectly comfortable. He had me stand next to the box, that had plain english letters on it, and said "You're supposed to turn it onto auto. This other one is just the fan." That's the fan?! REALLY?! (I didn't turn it to the fan either, but of course....)

He would tell me things that a child could grasp, and at least twice he actualy accused me of being the problem or lieing. I wasn't! I wanted certain things fixed that I believed needed to be! Not once did I ask for this condecending, stuck up attitude. This is exactly why I didn't ask for help often enough around here. The last thing I need is for some dude to come over and be a jerk. Well, last week, I finaly got tired of running the dryer to death before I get one stupid pair of pants clean, and I went to the office, with a note so the office guy got the message clearly.

Maintanence jerk in question comes over, and our conversation went something like this.

Me: I had to run it 3-4 times to get one load dry. It's not drying the cloths like it should.
Idiot: You have to go again when it's full of towels. (saying that I did something that he had no proof about)
Me: It wasn't full of towels. There was only one small towel. The rest was underwear and cloths.
Idiot: Every machine has to go 3-4 times per load. (No they don't, idiot. Those coin machines I used that other time did twice this in one cycle!)
Me: Yeah?! Then why did it dry better before then.
Idiot: it's working prefectly, see? *turns on the cycle, not listening to a dam thing I say. Puts his hand over the vent.*
See? I put my hand in there, and I feel the air.
Me: It's NOT drying my cloths! I have to make it go 3-4 times! (Like HELLO?! Anybody home?!)
Idiot: See this button? (yes, I see the end cycle alarm button, douche bag)
Me: It's dried for over a year with it off! -.-
Idiot: You have to keep this button on all the time. (-.- No I don't)
Me: Oh basicly you came over to treat me like a moron.
Idiot: It's working perfectly. (:wall: NO IT'S NOT!)
Me: You're obviously not going to fix s**t here, so leave!
Idiot:
Me:

He leaves. Later, I tell my mother what happened, and what comes next is why I feel shot down. Mum said she'd do a load herself, and dry the cloths herself. I thought, "Great... heh. " It just felt like she didn't believe me, or she wanted to see if a different cycle worked instead. 'sigh' Good intention, not the best situation. Well we both put the cloths in, and into the dryer, and....... *sarcasum* shocker *end sarcasum* they were still wet like we just put them in! That night I went to sleep, feeling like I was emotionaly steam rolled. Next day I waited till my mother came home from work, and she went to the apartment office. Then her and the office guy brought Mr. do-nothing back, and Mr. do-nothing would change his story from here to there, with our wet laundry sitting inside.

"Oh I can fix it."

"Oh I checked the back of the machine." Really? You mean the part where I'm dumb, and you have to show me there's air with your hand?

"I felt hot air last time, but now it's not there." Sure, douche! It wasn't drying our cloths right for months since you all broke it, but why would you care?

"There's nothing I can do." The office guy wasn't happy with that last bit.

I wanted to kick him in the toosh as he walked out! This has to be the third time he came over just to be douche. He came back, twiddled with it, and it dried the load. Two nights later, and it's not drying again. 'facepalm" I just want my dry cloths, dammit!

+5. will be higher if i sleep a little more.

-10

b9 called me stupid

EDIT: actually, thinking about it, there are worse things to be than stupid - so maybe I'll be back to +3 or 4, once I stop crying. I'm not cruel, or dishonest. Nah, 'stupid' is hardly even a real insult.

naw don't be upset for that pudding
b9's word is not official

He's really popular, though. He seems so clever and funny...and I've never said anything bad about him. So he must have meant it in a disinterested, observational way. Like, the grass is green, humans are 70% water, Egypt is in Africa and you're stupid.

popular-shmopular, that doesn't give him the right to be rude
forget about it

I wish I could.

Sod it, I'm just going to log off and have a proper cry.