Rants

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Psychiatrists are actually drug-dealers. But the patient is often not aware about the drugs and the motives. Unlike a junkie, who purposely seeks the dealer to get high. So that is completely voluntary but illegal (yeah addicts are one step beyond voluntary) And in the pharmacology, it is often forced and thus drug abuse, yet a well respected business and study (or sometimes regarded as a science)
This makes no sense. . . . a flaw in society

I am somebody that naturally does not grant anyone for their self-sense of entitlement or authority. It was scientifically proven that most likely everybody will get drunk on power.

In mental hospitals, asylums, psychiatric institutions, w/e, There is many physical (besides the emotional or psychologic) abuse going on. While any patient (adhd children or criminally insane adults, w/e) was hospitalized for the sake of their safety and surroundings... This is the place where people go mad! By the actions of the ones that work there, and these people will be respected for their job, they who claim to help the weak.

Same story in prisons, A sentenced pickpocket or a graffiti artist, they go in feeling sorry, they come out feeling nothing. Eventually they became criminal in prison and able of true dehumanizing acts

Nobody takes responsibility in this society (btw i'm european) and everybody just walks around kicking each others s**t around and sh*****g on each other. And when things get 'official', that is when people are hypocrites and frauds. THATS ALL

Why is the urge for competition so gigantic? This does not apply to me. It is not even necessary IMO.

society, up yours. this was my rant. about stuff that doesn't make sense to me at all and it's these things that are intolerable to me but for the vast majority it goes unseen. they disregard the possibility to contribute positively or negatively or even neutrally to a development or evolution and the outcome is of course not predicted but just too careless and malfunct . (:idea: this emoticon looks like a lady bending over )
great fun writing my first post on Wrongplanet. I will now eat a ice-cream Bye take care
maybe i will make more rants in the future....

Think I'm going to have a meltdown later. I wanted to write it down, here seems a good place. There should be a law requiring house parties to contain a maximum number of people, and for other residents of said house to be able to evacuate somewhere else easily in the event of one. There's nowhere to go, and today has been really stressful, and I don't know if I can put up with 6 hours of drunken screaming, karaoke and "the voice". I would tolerate it, but the fact you are forcing me to stay downstairs and socialise later is just IMSULTING after I have asked for escape, and today is going to be bad. Thankyou for cooking the delightful jacket potato and chilli recipe as well, something I always wish I could eat, since I strongly dislike both foods, just another stupid issue to add to my stupid pile.
Goodnight.

^^^ that makes me a little bit peeved, I've had similar problems except with noisy neighbours. I hate noise!

My alcoholic brother punched my sister in the face last night, she's okay but she's decided to quickly move into her boyfriend's parents' house. I'm glad she's alright but now I'm worried about leaving the old parents alone with my brother, who has severe withdrawals, drinks at least 30 units of alcohol a day and when he has mood swings he says he wants to kill my parents. He needs to be in hospital but he refuses to go. He can't stop drinking straight because the withdrawals would likely kill him and he doesn't have the willpower to reduce his intake. It's sad seeing this happen to him in part because my parents were both alcoholics, to different degrees. When we were young they got put into psychiatric care and we got abusive foster parents looking after us so we're all a little messed up; that's why I have such bad problems with anxiety (which has only got worse since nobody wants to know me apparently, I feel worthless) and probably why I was diagnosed with AS too.

e: this heat is starting to really wind me up, I can't sleep like this! I'd rather be ill.

Last edited by Almajo88 on 30 May 2012, 3:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I hate noises. I hate noises. I hate noises. SHUT UP!

I think I might hit something/someone.

i cant exactly say dont feel bad cause i kinda get not wanting to be all alone even if most times i like it there are times when i just need somebody i can relate to as a friend or as a human but dont be so hard on yourself for caring about internet people and wanting to talk to them and relate- its a natural impulse to reach out to humans and want contact sometimes(if you're that sort) especially if you dont socialise much because then that little contact you get is something special so its gotta matter. dont assume the other party has friends and that if they do and you dont this means they think you are a loser. if they do then that says something about their character not yours. also the thing about talking to aspies online- they can be just as awkward on a computer as in life. i find electronic conversation as difficult to navigate as real life ones so maybe thats what went awry with your contacts. that being said if you need to talk to anyone there are plenty here who always say you can talk to them if you ever need it and i dont think any who dont specify will care if you PM them. well, i wouldnt mind, i guess i cant speak for everybody.

my rant:
i feel bad. im just freaking out and theres so much just building up around me and i feel like im being suffocated and i just need to let it out somewhere and scream and scream but i cant so it just stays in me and gets worse. centrelink still hasnt gotten back to me and my bank account is looking unhealthy and im not sure how much longer i can do this and where will i go and what will i do if i cant? i cant go back. its not an option and i cant be a burden to my comrade who has been so generous to me and the pressure of not even knowing if centrelink will decide to give me social security payments or when they will get back to me, just the waiting is killing me. and the only reason i am able to eat anymore is queer youth group and the welfare room at uni and im starting to get embarrassed at going to the welfare room- they dont even ask what key i want anymore they just give it to me but i'd die without it. and then on top of that theres uni. i dont think i will do well this term and my marks will suck and i wont get into teaching or even just an arts degree. what if i dont? my highschool scores were quite good but they dont matter for much anymore. what if i am stuck with no degree and in a year i will not be able to do anything? i have a test on thursday and a project on friday and on monday and on friday and in between i have responsibilities to SAlt. fail, im going to fail. i need chocolate but the only way i can get it is if i steal it and i need shoes that dont have holes in the soles and i need a mattress before the weather gets cold for real and sleeping on the floor gets bad and i need a hair cut because i havent had one in more than half a year. i think my face looks thinner. i wonder if anyone ever thinks i dont look like im ok.

Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it.

To be honest I've been getting self-conscious about messaging people, I always feel like if I come across as too enthusiastic to talk to someone that I'll come across as desperate they'll distrust me or just cut off contact. I've been isolating myself from people to prevent myself from feeling hurt but lately I've been feeling a bit more confident in the last couple of weeks (largely on account of moving a mirror, because of my BDD >_>) and pretty much all the people I speak to end up cutting it off. When I post I get self-conscious in a similar way so I don't really know anyone and just give up. At first I thought my belief that people don't want to know me or speak to me was just a delusion but I've started having trouble rationalising any other reason for the things that make me feel like that.

I'd love to talk to people though, in PM's or whatever, but as I say I don't really know anyone here and I don't really know what I'd talk to people about. I think what I crave more is being close to people and talking just happens to be a part of that.

It sounds like things are rough for you VMSmith, if you want I'd like to talk to you over PM about it. I don't understand what the situation is wrt living as a student in your country, or what your specific situation is, but you shouldn't be in that situation at all :/

I want my confidence back. It dashed off on me a few months ago, and left me feeling lost, needy, and pathetic. I want to be able to just roll with life again, and stay astride whatever gets thrown my way. I've handled marriage, parenting, work, suicidal depressions, and a world that just doesn't relate. Now I seem to be regressing, and it really ticks me off.

GRRRRR I SO wanted to talk about the week opff I ahve next week, but no one is there for me to tel lthem about it, so now I'll have t owait until tomorrow, and I'm worried I may not even be able to come tomorrow!! !! ! And I've been SO bored - loads of time to myself but NO ONE TO SPEND IT WITH!! !!

Times are a-changin'. Times are a-changin' too fast. Why is it that I have to deal with a major transition to an unfamiliar place every 4-5 years? Can't I just stay in one place and be happy?

if you want you can PM me. if you feel self conscious just remind yourself you are on a forum full of autistic people- you might think you sound desperate but the other party will not notice and probably will be awkward themselves. its not like any of our social/communication skills are brilliant. i dont think people just dont want to talk to you.

I don't like being an artist. The competition gets worse and worse with the internet and there's hardly anyone that looks at the graphics I create, or the music I write. I draw cartoons but don't draw well so I stopped that. I make rap beats for other rappers and no one will rap over them. I put them up for sale on rocbattle.com and no one bought anything. I asked for critique and either get none or negative relies. I put my stuff on iTunes 6 months ago and it's still not there. The only thing that has really gotten attention lately is the stuff I write or post online. Most of the stuff I write is about frustration and anger while the techno or chiptune music I write is happier. I did get some chiptune critique but it's very seldom I get a lot of hype behind it just because of the fact that chiptune fanatics are a small demograph.

I graduated from two colleges in graphic arts and web design and still no one hires me. The worst part is that there's hardly any jobs for web design in Manitoba. I only do volunteer development work. I hate working in a call centre or a fast food restaurant. Even working a maintenance job is better than this. I'd rather be on disability doing what I love but I can't even get disability. Of course I can't even do that because I have a girlfriend and she obviously won't accept my engagement ring if I am on disability.

I try to help people but because I sometimes don't do a good job, they keep me from helping and it hurts. Even my girlfriend does this sometimes. It's almost as if I'm not good enough for anyone. Now when that happens, I just watch and at least ask questions as to what they're doing.

I can't keep friends easily, not even in church. People keep saying I'm rude to them when I just speak what I see. Maybe it's just how I come across because of having AS. I had a friend for 7 years. That was my best friend. He had depression and claimed he was healed from it after going to some stupid church leadership conference where they had some kind of prayer healing thing. Then this friend started acting all religious and pompous even though he said he hates religion and loves Jesus. He claimed if anyone didn't agree with or buy into what he's saying they would fail in Christianity. I think that in itself is religion. This friend also stated I was demon-possessed and full of lust just because I'm dating my girlfriend rather than courting her. I broke it off with him after that, and still kept in touch but not close with my other friends besides my girl. I jumped from church to church after that but then started getting angrier and unsatisfied with church. I don't want to go now, and my mom called me unsaved because I told her not to ask me if me and my girlfriend do spiritual things together. Plus, spirituality has always been a rocky subject with me and my girlfriend. I feel like I can't go to God now and I'm afraid of becoming like my ex-best friend if I do find a church to go to regularly.

I'm starting to dream dreams of people who are hurt and I don't feel good waking up afterwards. I even have dreams of my friends getting hurt because of me. I have dreams of me yelling at my mom or my girl and I hate those dreams.

Worst of all is that I feel like no one understands me or loves me. I want to be an influence, but no one will listen to me. I become influenced by other people and I hate it. I want to teach but no one wants to be my pupil. I don't want to be judged for who I am. I want to change the world but the people around me keep trying to change me or silence me and I'm starting to hate them for it. I don't want to be like anyone else. I want to be me and loved for being me. I don't want people to tell me to shut up or stop creating art like a lot of people do. I want to live, speak, and do what I love. I've been getting angry more and more over the last month and I want to destroy something or someone.

I know it seems like this is all in my head, but I hate this feeling and I hate hating myself, God, and the world. I hate not being able to find work doing what I love, and I hate not being able to belong in a church just because I don't conform to what they want. I hate this life. It's worse than hell, and I want it to change.

Student finance is THE worst! The entire process is make really difficult by how vague they are with the information you need to put in and what the criteria are for grants. I ended up not applying for any DSA because I wasn't sure what they'd need as evidence or how difficult it would be to get, as well as being sort of embarrassed about it. Now they want evidence I don't have. They want a birth certificate countersigned by a respectable person I've known for two years. As someone suffering from AS and anxiety with next to no friends I don't really know anybody who fits the bill and besides, I can't find the birth certificate. There's other documentation I need to get and I don't know how or if I can. Now I'm super upset and worried about this stupid thing. They probably won't be able to pay in my grant/loans in time because I'll be late with getting this evidence. They didn't really make it clear in any of the emails stating the deadline what the application process entailed or that I'd need to send off evidence, just that you can apply online, which is fairly disingenuous if you can't apply entirely online.

I'm ill too, with a likely water infection, so I don't feel great at the moment anyway.

Hope it works out ok Almajo88 and hang in there and it will be worth the extra effort to receive the $$. Bureaucracy and red tape are never fun, that is for sure.

Why is hindsight 20/20? I know people learn from their mistakes and grow, but I really wish I could go back and do things differently sometimes. Hmm...Nothing will ever be perfect that is for sure.

Thanks for the encouragement

I just spent half the night in hospital and found out I have a blood clot so I'm a little bit annoyed! I'm just not sure how to express my annoyance towards a blood clot though and it doesn't respond to the verbal abuse I've been giving it.

grrr. stupid people, with their stupid fancy social skills and their stupidly stupid way of communicating things ambiguously and not saying things in a clear way and making their intentions clear and the response they want from me obvious and the extent to which they care about stuff clear as is helpful and conducive to interaction and to me not feeling stupid. what do you want from me people!? whaaat?! people. frustrate. me.