Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Now, this is how respectful you are of him. In light of this and things that he's said to me, I should have seen these things as major red flags, but at the time, I thought you were a decent person, so I disregarded them.



I see. So, basically, you bombard him with words, completely disregard his thoughts and wishes (maybe he really couldn't do the things he said he couldn't. Maybe he really didn't like x. But those things don't matter, do they?; all that matters is what you demand of him.), and after a day or two he's so overwhelmed that he agrees with you just to get some peace.
And “rational”? I have information from 2 other people, him included, that says that you write pleading posts, not rational ones.
If you really cared about him you wouldn't be willing to overwhelm him for the sake of your selfish desires.



See? You bombard him with words, and demand responses to all of them.
Now, you'll probably come out with some nonsense about how I haven't been laid back over the past few months, but here's an analogy.
Someone is in a room. In the next room is a large, vicious dog. At regular intervals, the dog is let through the door to bite the person. It gets to the point that even when the dog isn't there, they are tense about being bitten. When the dog finally tears their throat out, do you think it's at all fair to say “They deserved it, they kept complaining about being bitten?”, or do you think that perhaps their tension was justified?
And I never demanded responses; I did like to hear at least something back from him when I sent messages, but I was always fine with just a couple of sentences, because I know that he has a disorder that affects communication.



This speaks for itself; I really do not need to add anything.



So in one breath you say you didn't manipulate him, but in the next breath you admit to doing it twice? You can't even keep your story straight within the same post!
I have no idea why certain people don't see through you.

(continuing...)



I should have heeded your warning. If I had, it wouldn't have taken me this long to figure out what you do: you wait until I'm down and vulnerable, then you pounce on the slightest thing that I do.
On the rare occasions when I've had the upper hand, through things such as not lying, manipulating and delivering ultimatums (A dream? LOL. I know he gets confused, but it's hard to see how “I had a bad dream” could be confused with “I will leave you if you speak to her or go back to WP”.) and he sees sense, you come back, all nice and apologetic, pretending that it was all a misunderstanding.





As I said in an earlier post: it's funny how all the disappearances and such only started AFTER you got wind of my existence. Things were fine and perfectly stable until then.


So let me summarise: you pretend to like and respect me, then later on when things are working out for you and I'm vulnerable (and I'm sure it was obvious that when I made multiple posts about being happy for him, I was leaving out the part about how I was still feeling absolutely rotten, and I'm sure you knew that I was feeling guilty and terrible about being sad, because you engineered that guilt), you say that actually, no, you didn't.

You claim not to have a problem with him being in love with/being with multiple people, but within days of that, you admit to being a jealous person. You run down the other one for being jealous, but then you do things like forbidding him to speak to his friends.

You claim not to be manipulative, you claim to be innocent, but just look at the evidence above.

Merry Christmas!

- Me

Postscript:




By stalking IRL, do you mean things like travelling halfway around the world without giving him prior warning, thus putting him completely on the spot and making him overwhelmed enough to want to hurt himself (his words to me "I'm really overwhelmed, like mental hospital bad")? Because yeah, I agree, that would be a bad thing to do, and even if it did work out fine, it would still be really selfish, thoughtless and disregarding of his wishes and wellbeing.

Dear You,

I hope to Gods you didn't have any part in that.

From, Me.

Dear Taupey, an interesting person indeed here on WP..


Signed,
ProfessorX..

Dear Mum,

It's quite apparent that I even screw up on Christmas. I will never go through one day, without screwing up, in your eyes.

Freezing yours,

Your daughter

Dear Granny, thanks for the nice scarf and hand-made sweater..

Signed,
your grandson..

Dear You,

Dear ******

Thank you for wasting my time, lying to my face and proving yourself to be a liar and a hypocrite just like all of my ex's. That was really very thoughtful of you.

Kind Regards

Carlos

Dear KW,
Way to throw the one person who defended you all these years under the Bus for social sympathy.
From The Guy who's been out of state for the past year.

Dear Gaby,
I know that I'm 3 hours away, but if you want to hang out, just say so. On one hand, you make plans to hang out before the end of the year, and then you stop texting midway through the plan to get coffee. This is why I hate texting. Was it something I said? All I said was that I like hot chocolate instead of coffee. I asked you again if you still wanted to hang out, and no response. Then you text me Merry Christmas 2 weeks later, and wonder why I don't respond. So you text it again, and I say merry christmas to you too. (Why do I always encounter the multiple texters?) Somehow, I wish I knew better than to talk to you, but I like you. I don't know what that says about me, and I suppose I prefer to lie to myself a little bit longer, but if you want to hang out, just say so. I may not be very enthusiastic about driving 3 hours down to meet you (since you don't drive) if you are inconsistent, but when I'm with you, I feel alive. Even though you claim you are a lesbian (which might be true, I can see from your appearance that you aren't very girly, and your friends are lesbians) we still slept together, and I know you have an interest in me, because after all, as per usual, you approached me, not the other way around, and it was your idea to stay the night. So if you want to hang out, just say that, and follow through with it, instead of telling me that you miss hanging out with me. Shy I understand(such as not talking on the phone, I swear you must have AS), but this I'm not sure I do.

Love,
Mindslave.

Dear A.D.

Wish I didn't think I got any signals and made foolish attempts(as usual)
maybe someday I'll have better luck coming to me instead of having to try and fail.

Hey You,

To the un-dear teachers of -------- "school":

What a bunch of disgusting hypocrites you turned out to be, using children and their families to make money to live your narcissistic lives. Not to mention the "actor" among you who liked to rape me and god knows how many others over the years while you sit there, knowing, doing nothing, pretending to be so f---ing "progressive" and concerned about the world. I begin each day spitting out a curse upon you: May the suffering you have inflicted come back to grab you by the throat!

Your Alumnijavascript:emoticon(':evil:')

Dear part of myself which is currently controlling our actions,

FFS, what's the matter with you? Go.out.side. Do it. Go to the store. You need food. Think of the delicious food. It's only three blocks away and it's snowing! Gooo!

Sincerely,
The reasonable part of yourself

To the Arrogant Bastard Who Deems it Acceptable to Use All Four Machines in the Laundry Room At Once,
I hate you. You do realize that the laundry room is not, in fact your private laundry room, that it belongs to a building with six floors, and twenty eight apartments per floor? You can not act like you own the place and use every g**d***ed machine in the laundry room. When I come down to do laundry, it's with the intention of doing it NOW, NOT thirty friggen minutes from now. If I wanted to do my laundry in 30 minutes, I would effing come down thirty minutes later. My whole day is now off kilter, thanks to you. I come in with a basket of laundry, planning to immediately get started on my laundry, and all you can do is smile sheepishly and tell me you just started. I was tempted to smack that stupid, sheepish smile off your face. Then you had the nerve to get freaked out by the way I was sighing, mumbling, swearing to myself, rocking back and forth, gently banging my head on the wall behind me, and finally pacing like a caged animal. When my anxiety level is that high, I can't act normal. I was holding back quite a bit. You don't want to see how I would have been behaving if I wasn't holding back.
I'm glad I freaked you out so much, you cleared out one of your machines in a hurry a minute early. One machine was all *I* needed. When you wash in cold water, you can put in all your clothes together, the colors don't run, and everything still gets clean. Imagine! I learned this from my parents, who, unlike you, aren't entitled bastards.
Thanks to you, I don't know when I'm going to be able to shake off the anxiety and agitation. It's still through the roof, which is why this letter is so crazy and irrational. I'm a very nice person normally, but I'm too upset for that now.
Even in my present, irrational state, I do recognize that I have major issues coping when the plans I make are interfered with, and that's no one's problem but my own. That doesn't change the fact that it's *extremely* inconsiderate of you to use all four washing machines in the laundry room in a building this size. You are not, I repeat not the king of the building. I hope bad things happen to you.
No love,
OuterBoroughGirl