scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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MXH
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08 Dec 2011, 12:41 am

Dillogic wrote:

I don't know how you can just leave, without a farewell or anything; 4 years and...nothing. Friends forever went...where? My father even said goodbye.

-10

Well, atleast your father said goodbye and not just theres the door.

im not doing so well, not sure what number would reflect it though

LiendaBalla
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08 Dec 2011, 7:54 pm

-1

Certain blow offs are the opposite of inspiration, and now my mind keeps expecting more of this blow off thing, even when I'm not getting any. Maybe it's paranoia right now? Being everyone's 100% pathetic person grates after a long long time, so yeah... I hope this is just my paranoid half talking to me this time. 'head to desk'

LiendaBalla
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08 Dec 2011, 10:07 pm

lennyk
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08 Dec 2011, 10:37 pm

+1
will my fortunes ever change ?

KittenWithAWhip
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08 Dec 2011, 11:25 pm

Why why why did you leave me with no one to really see me? My world is completely void of the sunshine you brought to it every day. Remember when we broke up and you felt like you were dying? Your body just shut down? It's like that times a million because you're Not. Coming. Back. I dream about you and waking is bittersweet. The first couple weeks I was in shock. On auto-pilot. It was bearable though, because the pain was so intense I wasn't in fear of forgetting a moment. But time marches on, doesn't it? Your name on my list of texts is now at the bottom of my phone, instead of the top. We've missed 8, count them, EIGHT, phone chats now. 31 days has passed since you last tucked me in.

How am I supposed to do this without you?

No number.

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Dillogic
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09 Dec 2011, 12:17 am

Supposed to be family, supposed to be everything to you (and you were to me), supposed to be forever, no matter what; said over and over for years on end.

All gone because I don't talk and interact all that much.

I don't know what I should think.

-10

chrissyrun
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09 Dec 2011, 12:47 am

+10
I just ate yummy breadsticks...about to run, made a lotta new friends, I have someone I like and he likes me, my mom got the email to the counselor written (because I screwed it up the first time :roll: ) and I am punny today!

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munch15a
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09 Dec 2011, 11:13 am

-8 just broke up with my not girl friend haven't felt this bad since me nan died

nick007
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09 Dec 2011, 11:32 am

+7. I haven't felt this good in a while. I'm not sure why I'm in a good mood but I'm in a playful funny mood & feeling good while listening to Trapt which I find kind of odd because their music is angry & frustrated. I'm going to enjoy it instead of trying to understand it

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfSG8pSts-Q[/youtube]

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hyperlexian
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09 Dec 2011, 11:59 am

KittenWithAWhip wrote:

my heart breaks for you.

for me, -6. migraine

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KittenWithAWhip
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09 Dec 2011, 3:25 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

KittenWithAWhip wrote:

my heart breaks for you.

for me, -6. migraine

Thank you. ((hyperlexian)) I read your thread about the one year anniversary and I know you know how this feels. I'm sorry you've suffered, too. I hope your head and heart feel better soon.

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FireBird
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09 Dec 2011, 7:46 pm

-7 Everything is great in the world while the giant finger points at us. I am talking about the finger of God. He is currently laughing at us. My dad has heart disease as predicted on here awhile ago. He will die of a heart attack or open heart surgery. Laugh. My mom also has health problems, so we can't even be thankful for our health. I was happier a couple days ago when I met Temple Grandin.... she made me temporarily happy. It was just temporary. Fake. I know once my parents die and that will be soon enough I will have no money to live on my own. That will force me to be homeless. I'd rather kill myself than be homeless. My brother's app isn't going to save our worthless lives. He made a couple hundred dollars for the ENTIRE YEAR. A bum on the street makes more than that. I calculated how many original art pieces I have to sell to make a decent living so I won't be poor. 2 a DAY. Not one starving artist makes that much. Not one artist sells 2 originals a day. I sold and will potentially sell (there are 2 people interested) 5 for the entire year at $125 a piece. That is not nearly enough. I remember that I was going to make at one point $260,000 gross profit for my company selling cards wholesale to other companies. That year I made less than 1% of that total. And on top of that the small amount of companies that bought my starve, didn't do well. There is a store that I am in called "Mud Bay" and I hardly ever get a reorder. When I do its just they opened another store. It is a chain of about 20 stores. My dad is going to die soon and so is mom. They both have what is known as real to the extreme. With me its all in my head with absolutely no proof that I am suffering from the constant pain or headaches. Also there is no proof that I even have depression aside from my word. No one takes my words seriously at all. They all want me to die. Nothing but bad experiences with doctors. They never accuse my parents of anything because it is proven on medical tests and always serious. With me nothing ever shows up and I am always smiling no matter what. Once again, there is perfection in the world. The world is great. On the news, the stock market is recovering. The economy is recovering. Still no one buys my junk. Very little and the only place it does well at are autism conferences but at the same time I am not competing against anyone. At actual holiday bazaars I did horrible. People just walked right past our booth leaving us to die. Most people were very successful at the holiday bazaars. Just not us. One of them only had one angel from the heavens. Without that angel, we wouldn't have even made the small cost of the booth. A child did better than me because they have kids booths. One of the kids made over $200 over 2 days just selling $5 items. I made $195 only because the angel bought 2 $55 prints. Without that I made the worst out of every single person there. That is what is going on in my worthless life right now.

Scanner
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09 Dec 2011, 8:23 pm

-10

Quote:

I am staying with my grandmother today and this morning the news story about the boy who was bullied because he's gay and made a video about it, was on the news. My grandmother proceeds to call him nasty, disgusting, and go on about the bible. Which just makes me think. God hates gays, but is okay with incest? This leads to her then getting on me (i'm not out but I don't see the point in saying i'm gay) about the way I act and speak and I told her my issue is that she always insults me. She says the way I talk is disgusting and nasty and I sound like a "fa***t" or "poof" she then asks me. "Are you gay?" over and over to which I just laugh and say, that isn't the point, the problem is the way you speak to me. She has been like this towards me since I was 14. On the bus one day she went around saying quite loudly how I must be gay, as if dealing with my sexuality given my family wasn't already enough.

After going on and on for 2 hours, she then calls my mother. My mother gets upset and hangs up on her, I tried to take the phone away from my grandmother because I knew it would just upset and stress out my mother and she threatened to call the police on me, to which I said. "You talk about me cutting you off, but if you ever pulled something like that on me that would be the end of it, and it would have been you that cut me off."

My mother calls me with her on the line and my dad and they're all talking to my grandmother about how people thought my dad was gay because he's quiet and how it's just them all being judgmental because they think that all straight people must act a certain way and my mother is like I know you're straight (how?) and I'm like whatever, because I don't just want to tell her while she was at work still and... just a sh*tstorm. I've literally been stimming for the past 8 hours now and just so incredibly stressed out. It's just ridiculous.

My mom then goes on about how dare she even think I'm gay, or even ask if I'm gay, it's just close minded to think I'm gay, and all, basically it just sounded like me being gay would be like a "oh no!" type situation which.. just doesn't make me feel any better. The 13 years of being hit, called fa***t every damn day, pushed down stairs, being attacked by a homophobe with a knife on a subway, just being attacked in general, people talking behind my back when I was back. People guessing "im' that fa***t" or "he must be a fa***t" I'm just f***ing sick of it.

Even if I come out not a damn thing will change because the issue is that I am gay, which will never change. The world in general will still act the way they do. I'm not even in, I'm so damn gay, it's so obvious. I TOLD MY MOM I WAS GAY WHEN I WAS 16. Everyone is just in damn denial so I already came out... They shut the damn closet door when I opened it.

TenPencePiece
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