Rants

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<-----I think I'd be happy being cute, like this chubby little guy.

then thats how you should be
be who you want to be-now who your mother wants you to be
in that you will find happiness

I just wasted an hour, maybe 2 hours of my life sewing an undershirt for a blouse I bought yesterday. First, when I was cutting out the fabric, using my blouse as a template, I accidently made a tiny little slit in one of the shoulders. I fixed it up with a needle and thread right away, but now the bloody thing is missing (the needle, not the blouse) someone will probably step on it and earn me a good yelling at. Then when I went to sew the stupid undershirt, every little thing that can go wrong with sewing machines went wrong (eg. the bobbin kept on emptying and I had to fill it up by hand, the top thread kept coming out, and I had a hard time switching from zigzag stitch to straight stitch.) and when I finally finished the wretched thing IT DIDN'T f*****g FIT!! ! Some of the seams burst when I put it on, and it was so tight I had to cut it in half to get it off! If you value your sanity do not I repeat DO NOT take up sewing!
EDIT: I found the goddamned needle, and not in my foot. But I still have another reminder that I fail at every little thing that I do.

That makes me feel very sorry for you, Cheerlessleader.

How exactly?

Autism and Asperger's disorder are two different disorders
so people, please see this when you compare yourself to me
stop saying you're autistic when all you've got is Asperger's
it belittles those who're like me
I cannot socialize at all (if I could cry I'd cry)
I cannot study at all (I try)
I cannot work (I'll die)
and I'm quite high functioning for an autistic individual
it's cool that you can get a diploma, talk and work
but remember this: you ain't autistic
I'm a ground bound emu and you're a cloud soaring hawk
but, but and but!
You're on the spectrum that's autistic
well, the same book says specifically that you're Asperger's
which IS on the spectrum
so include that word into your thread header when you compare yourself to people who cannot type here
you'd think people who're pedantic would do such a thing if they weren’t trolling for empathy from "autistic" people who don't have it
yeah, an autistic individual has none
doesn't mean Asperger's don't have some

I can imagine the frustration.

I sew stuff to repair it and you are right, it can toy with your sanity. It is an endeavor that requires much patience and practice. Most people could never have gotten as far as you did. Remember to learn from your mistakes and show patience. Life is about learning and growing from such things. Next time, you'll do it just right.

Sanity? Foreign thing...

But in all honesty, I don't like sewing either. I sewed like three dozen hair scruncies with some friends for some crafts fair thing, and it rained the entire time. No one (other than other stands) came. It was absurd...

Whoever is complaining about me had better quit. Who am I kidding? I know who you are you weasel. In the past 6-8 weeks you have been hanging up on my office voice mail and calling without leaving a message on my work and personal cell phones. I had a suspicion it was you, but now I am certain. I've told you to send e-mail requests for data if you do not catch me on my phone.

I have been on travel a lot over the past two months. Since 1 June 2007, I have been in town only 18 out of a possible 43 weekdays. This does not include one full day, and five partial days, missed for various Doctor's appointments. Among the days I was out was a one-day trip to Boston for a Red Sox game, one of the apparent rumors I am hearing, and a 9-day family vacation that I returned from on a Sunday, only to head out to Dulles for one of the Germany trips a few hours later. By the way, I worked over 25 hours while on vacation, free of charge, which is one of the reasons it really bothers me to hear the rumors of your complaints. I have been turning on my Outlook Office Assistant and leaving contact information when appropriate. The two Germany trips being notable exceptions, since all I can provide is hotel information, and I have no e-mail at all.

Everyone else is perplexed by your complaints. I do not even work for you, you slimy bastard. Needless to say, I am pissed off by your accusations. I didn't like coming back from travel and hearing such things when you have said nothing to me. I think I have made it clear in the past, but will emphasize it again: "I prefer open and honest communication." If at any point, you feel I am not fulfilling your expectations of me, or see a way for me to improve, then you should discuss this directly with me. How dare you call my boss' boss and lie about me like that. How interesting you chose to do so just as they were figuring out the payouts for raises and bonuses.

I love TV. I f*****g love it, and I'm proud to say it, and I'm getting pissed. While reading the books of supposedly enlightened people like Ralph Nader(who I usually admire and respect), people I admire, I hear about the evils of television. About how it is draining our minds, and causing people to be less intelligent. And, worst of all, I hear about how people who spend time watching TV should spend time in society or in family time. Let's compare these three, just for fun:
Television Has:
-Given me History Channel, Sundance Channel, and IFC
-Brought the wisdom of experts in several fields right into my house for the purposes of my education
-Given me comedy and entertainment with shows like Simpsons and Family Guy
-Kept me gripped to the edge of my seat with shows like Prison Break and Nip/Tuck

Society Has:
-Not taught me a damn thing
-Wait, scratch that, it has taught me that people are jackasses
-And that a combination of ridicule and ignorance can cause severe depression in young children
-And that morons more concerned with their Myspace than with education are terribly cruel

Family Has:
-Neglected me
-Abused me
-Shut me out from a world where I could be doing more
-Ridiculed me on similar lines with society

So that's what we're looking at. Television has never abused, neglected, or caused severe depression. The latter two, those beloved American institutions, have caused grief that I didn't want to deal with. So, you know what? I'm going to watch Nip/Tuck, and I'm going to watch The Simpsons, and I'm eagerly awaiting Prison Break. I'm also going to check Sundance Channel every day to see what documentaries they have. I'm going to do the same with IFC to see if they have any good foreign films. I'll be educated on things by Bill Maher and Penn and Teller, and I'll watch a solid hour of ESPN every day. And I'll f*****g enjoy every minute of one of the few consistant things in my life that hasn't done more harm than good.

Damn...

I have an aunt. A very spoiled aunt. She thinks that she can have everything in the world, without putting any effort into it. She just moved into a nice house, and already wants a nicer one. Never mind the fact that she can't pay the cell phone bills (I've had to let her use mine on occasion), or any other bills. If she wants it, she'll get it.

But this isn't about her. I had to drive her son to work one day. Little ret*d kid, thinks that it's appropriate to insult all my friends, my car, the music I like, etc... Anyways, I'm driving along, listening to the radio, when I hear a distinctive buzzing noise. He gives me a little ret*d smile, and I notice that he has his foot jammed in my car's subwoofer. On purpose. HE JAMMED HIS FOOT IN MY SUBWOOFER.

It's not one of those ground-shaking, annoying-as-hell subwoofers. It's a little 5" speaker, that came in the car from the factory. From the looks of it, I have to replace it, which sucks. Aside from the fact that it's a very odd size, so finding one is hard enough, I have to pay for it myself, since his mother will not likely take me seriously.

I hate them. I hate this...

(BTW, the kid isn't mentally challenged, mentally handicapped, or anything. Just an imbecile)

I love television, Part II. This is still bothering me, and you want to know why? Because I keep hearing about the better world that would exist if we got rid of the television and the internet. The world where families were united and society was whole and integrated. What the f**k are you people talking about!? Maybe I've been too busy watching Sundance to see my parents suddenly become decent human beings, or to see society become accepting, but last I checked, they were both still flawed. Not everyone gets a happy, healthy upbringing. Where does your utopia leave me? Everyone else gets to enjoy their happy family and their groups of friends, and I get stuck with a violent family and a society that rejects me because I'm different. I get depressed because there is nothing to distract me, because you got rid of television and the internet. I am afforded only a limited amount of books, because library is about 30 miles away and I can only go there when my parents decide to let me. I go insane. The violence and ridicule that surrounds me makes me even more bitter and depressed than I usually am. I find a gun, and there goes the neighborhood-literally. Why do I have to be a casualty of your revolution? I'm sick of you and your damn judgement, thinking that everyone had the same childhood that you got, that there are no sh***y parents in the world, that society is nice and just. I'll be back with part three later. This pisses me off.

I really think my brain is glitching sometimes.
I was just looking at the word "index" and my brain is telling it's spelled wrong and I have to stop and wonder if it is... This is so weird as this happens every now and then with me. I see a word and I instinctively think it is misspelled and try to correct or mis-read it. I remember having this happen with "stop" and my brain interprets it as "s-top" and I end up saying it as s-top.
I have to stop myself and think reasonably about it to not dwell on it.
I really need to sleep but it's hard to get a good night's rest without drugging myself.
Man, I'm still thinking about s-top now... s-top, s-top, s-top... See what I mean? It just gets into my head and keeps going. This isn't logical at all...

I am SICK of those I befriend placing expectations on how I should be.
This whole idea that one must face their problems alone, with a stiff upper lip, and show no signs of feeling sorrow at their situation.
I am sick of this unspoken rule of most shallow friendships where you are only meant to have problems that are easy to solve, like a split from a bf, or a large bill or somesuch.; But when you get deep depressions, you are 'self pitying' and 'self centred'. Friends are meant to support one another in tough times, right? I mean, I just don't understand. Why can people never accept me, both good and bad, and realise that they do not know what my life is like and therefore cannot really judge the basis for my sadness? And every human being is self centred in the end, anyway.

I f*****g HATE people who say "not everyone has to like you"! Why? Because whenever the other dipshits at the vomit stain on the map of the earth known as SCHOOL ganged up on me and those who didn't were too f*****g cowardly to help me, "not everyone has to like you!" NEWSFLASH DINK: Not everyone has to hate me either! Not everyone has to make fun of every little thing I say and do! Not everyone has to mock what I believe in! Not everyone has to make me feel like I'm some hideous alien speciman that needs to be destroyed or else it might destroy the human race!
(note: I've been out of school for more than a year now, but every day I have to live with the fact that these people were never punnished for how they treated me, they never will be punnished and they will NEVER, NEVER regret it as that would involve considering that maybe I AM a human being with feelings and deserve to be treated as such. I feel like if I don't get my revenge soon I'll go insane!)
You may start attacking me over this rant at any time.