Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear humanity,

It was a pleasure working with you to help you grow, using our talents to assist and modernize the human race, to prepair it for other evolutionary steps of it's progress. However, please accept your fate as you would for other evolutionary stages of hominids. You don't mourn Trogodytes, but you still study them still consider that stage a curious stage in our evolution. That's all we Aspies are. Just another stage of human growth. It is inevitable, but you were a VERY VERY important stage. You won't be forgotten, how could you? You are as important to us, as the cavemen were to you, as the sod house dwellers of the West was to the Urbanized and modernized city folk of Alberta.

Now let us do our job and honor you, by growing. Why hamper us? Why not just fade away.

Dear PS,

I fell in love with you on my 21st birthday and you seemed to feel the same way, for a while at least. You even asked me out on a date, but when it went badly, you never tried again and began pursuing X. Except she didn't want you, something which everyone knew and tried to tell you, but you wouldn't LISTEN. She is on record for saying to her BFF that she thought you were spineless like her ex and that she wanted someone who would support her, not the other way around. But still you chased her, and she, being nice, tried to put you off without hurting your feelings. So when I came to terms with the fact that you would never want me, I decided that I could at least be a good friend, and went to talk with her. Apparently she told you that I was rude, aggressive and nasty, but I wasn't! I barely knew the woman! Why would I act like that to a stranger?! Not to mention, I had gone there to ask her one thing - not to hurt you. How can that be translated into being nasty? But you took her side, and when she used my intervention as an excuse to refuse you, you blamed me and ignored me for 2 years, before you finally realised that I hadn't noticed you were punishing me. See, that's the thing about AS - it makes human interaction hard to read, so I didn't realise you were deliberately trying to punish me for my crime.
Years later, when I had my last breakdown, you and ST distributed my private email to DT to everyone who knew me, with the tagline "Kate's gone mad!" It was PRIVATE. I sent it to DT and him alone, in order to explain why I wasn't going to be around for a while. I explained a little too much as usual, and suddenly that email became a rant against my friends, when it was just an explanation of why I needed some time alone to clear my head. You completely misread it and influenced everyone else's view by giving a one-sided, bigoted view of what it meant. I was having a severe breakdown! And yet I managed to hang on for several months, even though your indiscretion meant that the friends I loved enough to leave hated me. I love them and you tried to make them hate me. Why, when all I ever did was love you?
Finally, when I had my last suicide attempt, I was alone. I sat alone in that car and thought of the friends I had lost as I died. But then I woke up.
When I had recovered and IS talked me back into the fold, you didn't want me there, even though I had apologised and explained that email. But eventually I thought you thawed and we were friends again. I decided to tell you I loved you for the last time, and you didn't even bother to respond. Love is a precious thing, and I had been faithful to you for 8 years - how could you be so callous?
When you admitted your Depression, I was sympathetic and created a support group for you. We talked about our problems and tried to help each other. Whenever you felt that you were being picked on by friends, I defended you every time and made you laugh when you were low.
But then I began going out with AS and you seemed... different.

So when you sent that email to AS saying the following, it was extremely hurtful: you had only tolerated me in our group for the past 15 years, I had never apologised for the incident with X 15 years ago (I did. Twice to you and once to her), I was manipulative, nasty and dishonest because I had copied other people into emails you had written (I was asking them for help with your illness when I felt I didn't know what to do!). You see me as a monster, with everything I have done in the negative. I can only assume that you see the support group as some sneaky way to see into your thoughts. But what hurts the most is that you have designated the past 15 years of our friendship as a falsity. I was honest. I loved you for being you, and for being my friend, yet you faked all of it because of an incident which didn't even happen the way you think it did. You LIED to me and did it with a smile on your face. You are completely untrustworthy.

Yet when I say this to my BF, he says I am being over the top. That I should let it go. How do I explain that lying to me puts you beyond redemption? He simply doesn't understand. He says you've burnt your bridges with him, yet doesn't allow me the same latitude for anger as the one unjusty accused. I am supposed to forgive you. And i know that in a year or so, he'll forgive you and be your friend again.

I DO recognise that your email is a mirror of the one I sent out, and I am concerned that you are having a severe mental health incident. But blaming me for all the problems in your life is ridiculous. No, you and X would not have lived happily ever after, and if you ask her, she will tell you that. But you won't, because that would be too real. And I know you will never apologise to me, because everyone is supposed to apologise to you, and it would be humiliating for you to apologise to them. I haven't been whistling Dixie for the past 20 years, PS - I SEE you for who you really are, and I loved you anyway. But now I love AS, and I will never love you again. I don't even like you now.

To me, friendship is vital. I spent the first 16 years of my life without friends, so I recognise how important they are. I forgive them when they are wrong, because I love them.

You are no longer my friend. I will cut you off and sleep well at night. I have deleted your email, your phone number and your address. You are a poisonous growth, infecting everything around it, and I must exorcise you before you spread any further. You will never be allowed back in my house, and you will not be invited to my wedding. Someone who thinks like you can never be my friend, you self obsessed, bigoted, delusional loser.

However, I do hope your depression gets better, because it really is a horrible thing to live with.

Dear J.

I miss you.

I think I can't be friends with you anymore. Although I really want to. It hurts way too much. I feel so much more for you. And, yeh, I do understand that you're scared of commitment. But there could have been a way to be together and not see things either black or white.

If I stayed close as a friend, I would be hurting all the time. I don't think I can do that. I am sorry that I can't. I so wish I could. I still want you in my life. I still want you to be happy. I still don't want to lose you as a friend. I just don't know how to keep you as a friend without losing myself.

I love you. I hope you'll be happy with that special somebody by your side. I mean it.

I'll never forget all those great times we've had together. Thank you for them. I'll also never forget the tough times that we've overcome by holding on tight.
I think that now it may be time for me to let go. Holding on kills me.

Take good care. I wish you knew how very precious you are. You are one amazing person and I am grateful to have been part of your life.

The girl with the red hair

Dear S,

I really need to get over you and just enjoy being friends with you and stop thinking about what could have been. You dont like me as anymore than a friend and im lucky to have you. Also I don't think either of us could make a relationship work - I know I couldnt right now. My life is too messy and tiring. I was gutted we wont be flatmates for the FT but it will probably be for the best in the long term. I wish we could be better friends and you would turn up at uni more often as we seem to have a bunch in common. But maybe its for the best- il get over you quicker.

All I ask is that you dont make this any harder than it will be.


Friendishly

Me

Dear Rachel,

Your a f*****g ugly b***h. I wanna stab you to death and play around with your blood.

Yes. b***h doesn't want anything to do with me.

Dear anonymous mall cops,

I had a lot of time to think on my way back downtown tonight, on the SkyTrain. I thought about what to say to you here. Primarily, though, I thought about what I should have said to you face to face, when you told me to move. What I should have done was ask you why, and reminded you that this is (as far as I know) a country where people are free to go wherever they want on public property, at any pace they choose, and then I should have refused to move until you gave me a good reason. I wasn't disturbing anyone or causing any trouble. I was out of the way of other people, and my presence was not creating any sort of hazard or obstacle to any other customer's movement. I was simply sitting there quietly, drawing in my sketchbook and minding my own business. I'm an artist. It's what I do. It's my job. I've come to your mall many times before to sketch, and never before have I been harrassed for it like I was tonight.

I understand you've got a job to do, but seriously-- do I really look suspicious to you? I'm just a humble starving artist, concerned with nothing more than honing my craft. That's it. I'm freaking harmless. Furthermore, I am a patron of your mall. I spent nearly $80 at that mall today, money with which I honestly really should not have parted, and would not have, had it been avoidable. The very least I deserve, as someone upon whose satisfation your salary is dependent, is freedom of movement within the public areas of your establishment, without being branded a "threat" just because I sit and draw for several minutes. Perhaps the next time I get the urge to draw or spend money, your mall will not be on my list of considerations. I'm certainly never taking my moleskine with me to your mall ever again.

P.S., to the one of you who called me "buddy": I'm not your buddy.

Dear My-so-called-friends,

Thanks for that, yesterday at rosneath I mean, effectivly ignoring me. All wrapped up in your own bubbles. I thought friends were supposed to talk to one another and hang out together not go off in a group and leave one person out of it. That was lovely. Cleary its not a "flavour of the month" thing its a flavour of the day and you just didnt notice that I existed. Cheers for that. Fortunatly there are other nice people on our course who don't mind putting up with a clumsy and forgetful me. They were the ones who got to try chocolate popcorn at lunchtime and chatted and shared food with me. They were nice.
Im hoping that this was just a one off but I doubt it. Also hoping that I get a better grade than you do for this, and that specifically you are horribly hungover and miserable today.

Not yours,
Me

Dear mods............

...... v.v ............................ ........... .....

Could you do the community a favore, and consider banning the three new trolls? Triple please? I won't hold it forever, and you know this.

Dear _____
Thank youuu so much for today. I'm sorry for being so difficult earlier. I miss you baby. I just wish you were here.

Dear Everyone who said I'd never amount to anything.

Congrats, you were right.

To my brother:

I heard you were expecting. How do you feel about it, was it planned? I heard you were hoping for a boy, why do you want a boy? Is it because you're a man?


---------------------------------

I'll wait another few more weeks before I send him this on facebook.

Dear Fee,

I'm 'writing' to you again because you just won't exit my mind. It's been a year since I saw you, more since we were together yet you remain in my thoughts. I miss those walks at the waterpark and the quays, feeding the ducks, in our own world. I miss you're reasuring voice when I'm feeling down, you're happy smile when I suprised you, speaking to you every day. I miss our intimate moments, our days out, I miss holding you in my arms.

You are the love of my life so far and I don't know how to get over you, let alone replace you.

Thinking of you, always.
Mark
x

Dear world,

I am me, I will never be like you, nor do I want to be. Nothing is wrong with me, I'm not ill, I only think differently than you! Not worse, not better, just different.

Thanks,
Dan

(PS If you dont' like that, f**k off)