Rants

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I'm hungry. I have 1 dollar in my wallet, and $4.93 worth of food stamps left. Social services doesn't give me enough money to eat a proper diet for hypoglycemia.

I kind of wish I hadn't helped my sister get this job. Now I have to drive her everyday. Gripping the steering wheel is making the tendinitis in my wrists worse, and driving back and forth is tiring me out.

I hope I get SSDI so I can get the f**k out of here. I can't concentrate on anything. All the things I was studying have been put on hold. There's just too much f*****g noise and activity going on. My mom will try to guilt trip me into staying, and my sister will likely have to quit her job for lack of transportation, but that's too damn bad. I don't f*****g care about anything anymore. I just want to be somewhere quiet, alone. I need time to recover from this. I spend too much time thinking about stabbing people.

I hate people who force gender roles on kids. The other day, some lady told a little boy that she would punch him in the chest if he didn't stop playing with dolls. Straight up child abuse.

I hope I can get GA. I just put my last $10 into gas to get my sister to work. I don't even have enough money to do laundry.

I want some smack (I've never tried smack, but that's how I feel). Morphine would do - even dihydrocodeine. And a packet of smokes.

I gave up smoking and opiates years ago, but I feel like starting again. I don't want to be here right now. I can't accept life. I want to get away from it for a while without dying.

I wish I were beautiful or smart or whatever to compensatefor everything I lack.

And as that's not possible I wish I didn't have anything to hold onto, that I might be free to take 96 percocet with a bottle of wine.

Oh sweet fantasies

GRRRRAAAAHHH!! !

The @#$^$% ex-wife has gone against our standing court order for a lousy 2-hour visit per week and is now preventing me from seeing them at all.

Again.

I'm so mad I could smash things!!

Sometimes I think the more I understand about the way society works, I grow to dislike it more. So many mindless drones out there doing what they are expected/told to do. They need not worry about what to do next, just copy the friend next to you and carry on. Individuality is a rare quality in this world of ours.

I have ants in my pants and it makes me rant!

My mom is making me save up for a laptop that I really don't need because I have no interest in Neopets right now. Bull f*****g s**t.

I'm into console games now. I'm not a little f*****g girl who plays Neopets. Well, I enjoy Neopets. I just have no time for it.

Besides, it's my money. I should be able to have control over it.

I repeat bull f*****g s**t.

i think this is one of those days where i just feel lonely. actually it's been a few days. since the mid semester break started on friday. the guy i hang out with in my education class told me he was so excited to go home and be with his friends and do things with them and i'm not going to be there and he is not my friend. but i want him to be. so badly. i really like him. this holiday i won't be doing anything with anyone. not the next holiday either. and not with him, definitely.

aaaaargh so sick of being intolerant to something in the food I eat, causing bloating and reflux and worst of all giving me an insatiable craving to binge eat all the worst kinds of food! ARGH!

Generic "Don't have the confidence to talk to her" sort of feeling.

If only the need for the helicopters was gone, but it won't be for days and days most likely. And now they've set off a sensitivity to all sounds even the dishwasher is bothering.

I can't stand people who wear "five fingers" shoes when they have absolutely no intention of running. I mean, the barefoot running movement is dubious enough, but to see your ordinary pedestrian wearing a suit and the f#$&ing Five Fingers...what business do they have wearing them!? Hey, good for you, you can spend over 90 bucks on toe-shoes that would make you scream if I slammed my heel on your foot--you must be well-off and oh-so-trendy you fashionable hipster-you! But I can't ask you to walk any faster down that sidewalk much less run in those abominations, because that would make you sweat and you might even scuff those frickin' ugly things!! Ugghh!

helicopters helicopters helicopters helicopters

Why do I push people away without being conscious of it?

I am too much like a hedgehog.

I am so strange.

I can be rational. I can see things objectively. But it's hard not to be reactive when I'm ticked off. I am not a chess piece.

I feel like I'm going to kill myself any time now.