Rants

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I can't believe this.

I made it through this semester with straight honors in every subject.
10 days ago, on Friday, I got sick and have been since - and due to my autoimmune disease, it was bad enough to be really severe and warrant another trip to the emergency room among other fun things.
As a result, I am been unable to complete my coursework, since I could not even think straight - let alone be productive.
Since this is the final 2 weeks, of course all my assessment and exams are during this time - this is the last week now.

I am officially f*cked. I can't believe I have gone from straight honors to failing everything simply because I got sick.

There are few times that I hate anything - but I really f*cking hate my autoimmune disease right now - and I hate my f*cking ASD too.
I'm pissed off enough to start smashing crap right now, so it's probably a good thing that I can't see a damn thing properly.

F*ck it all.

^^^ surely your uni has disability services or extentions or special consideration or something that can help you in an emergency? they wouldnt leave you like that? i mean if you had to go to hospital... nobody can say no to that without being a heartless jerk.

barif ano bool ma bhib hadan byidarneh w ma bti2 hadan ya3butneh w ma b7is bi shii w bade hadan bas 3m kazib. 3m kazib la7aleh w lah kil hadan la2nu badeh hadan yidarneh, bade hadan ya3butneh, yihutuh idayun a3layeh, yihmouluhleh ideh wy boosuah wy illooleh bihibouneh wy boosuneh. badeh hadan yidarneh. bshoofoon 3m yimshoo ma3 badoon w btooja3neh. ma fineh itala3. ma badeh kun la7aleh. ana insan. hadan yidarneh. please. lesh ma btidarooneh?

My landlord is trying to screw some more money out of me. He is making me part pay for repairs to my flat because he says the letting agent's insurance won't cover it. He will have his own insurance that should cover it, otherwise he couldn't rent the place out. I haven't seen a bill for the repairs and he refuses to let me see it and he won't let me carry out the floor replacement to myself(which would save him a lot of money if he was telling the truth). The floor was just cheap laminate and I could replace it myself for around £100, but he is charging me £300 and has said he has already ordered the materials and labour. You don't go and order it and then make me pay it, so I call BS. The letting agent told me that it is coming out of the insurance, so I want to hear it from them. He is just bullshitting me as a way to raise my rent and I am sick of dealing with it. My partner can deal with it, though I need to keep nagging him to.

I feel at 30 I have reached the middle aged mark of my life. My best years are gone and my youth will never return. All I have to look forward to is continual decline, old age and my inevitable death. I have never been in love and that is unlikely to ever change.

i had to drive to sydney C.B.D today, and it is about 90 km away, and most of the trip is on an expressway, so it is a relatively easy drive usually. it is all down hill to sydney, and because of that, i rarely have to push the the accelerator which is excellent because it saves on engine strain and wear, but conversely, the speed limit between my house and the expressway that starts at the foot of the mountains (and that leads to sydney) is only 80kph (50mph), so i must often be riding the brakes for relatively extreme distances on my way down to slightly above sea level, so that increases wear and tear on the brakes.

since my return trip home from sydney is the reverse of my trip to sydney, then it cancels out the benefits that i gladly consider on my way down.

but the rant is this:
on the expressway which has a speed limit of 110 kph, there are 3 lanes, and the kerbside lane has slower moving trucks in it, so it is not a option, and the centre lane should be for people who travel on or slightly below the speed limit unless they are overtaking. grrrr.

there was a clown in front of me in the centre lane who was doing 90 kph in a 110 zone, and so i selected the fast lane to overtake him. as i was overtaking him, he sped up to 110 kph, and there are police everywhere on the freeway and also on the sides of the road, so i dared not go more than 116 kph, but the idiot in the centre lane sped up to about 115.5 (whatever) when i was at 116, and a fast car would come up behind me so i had to brake and slip back in behind the impediment who then decelerated back to 90 kph.


this process happened over and over for about 4 times before i lost my temper and floored the car for about 1 km to get as far in front of him as possible. at least i was not intercepted by police.

but i was rancorous toward the driver of that vehicle whilst i was suffering the impediment to my progress that he presented. goodness knows how apoplectic his behavior was, but i was insufferably impatient to the point of feeling dizzy. i was actually worried that i may have a stroke due to the level of frustration (wanting to be there now but people placing hurdles in your way) i felt about that palsied baboon's obstructive manner.

People these days don't understand art.

For example, at a school I went to, I mention Half-life, and everyone thought it was dumb and the Halo Reach was less overrated and funner. [sarcasm]Yes, like that's true[sarcasm]. Also, they keep talking about their Tobuscus and Youtube Poop that I don't know if I can show them something that actually took some talent. They don't appreciate any of my drawings, find my outbursts funny, teasing me about them.They also think a stupid movie with cheesy humaniod turtles that think their ninjas and eat pizza led by some weird rat furry is cool. Yeah right. That sounds like a lame premise for a movie.

What is your thoughts?

I'm tired of all these morons at the library where I work.

I understand that the general rule is "be quiet in the library", but when you're talking to someone, they need to be able to understand you. I like to think that, with this being a college and all, people would have the intelligence to understand these sorts of things (then again, this is a crappy community college, where most people go for no other reason than to get that degree everyone says they have to get). But no, half the patrons here mumble their words, and I have to ask them to speak up 3 or 4 times until I can finally make out enough words to comprehend their request. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just hard of hearing and they're really speaking audibly.

i am almost certain that the road workers that are widening the highway to my place from sydney are rorting the system.

a stretch of highway that was opened last week made me happy. it was 4 lanes and 80kph and i felt relief that that part of the road was now finished.


today i had to go to sydney again, and i noticed that the line markings on the road had been removed, and there were witches hats that forced us into a single lane, and there was mno one there but for a many with a sign saying "slow" and that happened earlier in the week, and there was no activity at all happening that required us to be funneled into a single lane with a speed limit of 40kph.

next time i go to sydney, if i encounter the same thing again, i will find a place to park and i will approach him on foot to ask him what he is warning me about. i will ask him "where are the workers that we have to always slow down for even though they do not exist ?".

i also need to be told why they painted the lines on the road (and they were perfectly adequate), only to be scratched off the roadway 2 days later (which also damages the road surface that has to be repaired which takes more time and impedes traffic flow during that time).

whatever.

it is a rort. there is no other explanation.

"How to become an Old Crone"

1. Never forgive, never forgot - Hold on to every negative event, mistake or disagreement, no matter how small it was or how long ago it occurred. It will happen again!

2. Create an incrementing list of narrow requirements to consider a guy "datable". Keep adding more pointless and stupid requirements annually, plus with each failed relationship. Place all of the blame on your failed relationships & loneliness on all of the Men who were in your life. Never look at both sides of the relationship coin.

3. Learn to stop trusting all men, because men all want sex and are evil. Play mind games to test him. See if he will "fight" for your love! Hot & Cold games work best!

4. Become obsessive with what other people think. You're not cool enough to make up your own opinions or views.

5. Start watching excessive amounts of romantic comedies or trashy romance movies. Take them as the Gospel.

6. Believe everything you read in women's magazines.

7. Have no confidence in making your own relationship decisions, always allow your family or friends to make every single one them for you.

8. Never open your mind to other possibilities, such as dating outside of your area, age, socioeconomic status, or (Gasp!) race for the right person. Make up excuses to stay in your foxhole and believe everyone else is a "foreign devil" to your heart.

9. Never question your actions. You're always right and are the pinnacle of perfection.

10. Only date men for their socioeconomic status without looking at other core character traits or personality. My Daddy went to Harvard, and so should he!

11. Do not take care of yourself at all, and allow yourself to decline faster than Detroit. Mix Jersey Shore living with Dunkin Doughnuts.

12. Develop a fear of meeting new people to date because that one guy broke your heart when you were 14. It'll happen again!

13. Become a serial dater. One person is never enough because you're still trying to "find yourself".

14. Always cheat, even if your guy somehow matched all of your narrow requirements.

15. Always over analyze everything on your first or second date. Because you should always assume the worst possible scenario and sabotage that sucker! Abort! Abort!

16. Throw away all feelings of self-confidence and security. Instead, excessively seek out "confidence" and "protection" from men. Bad boys, macho men, tough guys and as*holes make excellent lovers & will provide you with all the protection you need, minus some emotional security and the occasional beating.

Why does everything have to be so f*cking complicated, especially at the same time? What is this "Let's pick on Kjas for the last 2 weeks! Tee hee!"?

First: I can't believe you let this go on for so long without telling me.
If I didn't feel so sorry for you right now, then I would seriously be kicking your a**.

Second: If you don't know by now then don't worry about it.
And no not now - it will mean more to see the proof via actions first.

Third: My damn school better play nice otherwise I am going to be the biggest pain in the a** that they have ever met.

i want gravity on earth to be 8.4 m/s^2, and not 9.8 m/s^2.

i am not happy with the situation, and i want to complain, but who do i complain to?
the police are not interested, and neither are the local members of parliament.

People these days don't understand art.

For example, at a school I went to, I mention Half-life, and everyone thought it was dumb and the Halo Reach was less overrated and funner. [sarcasm]Yes, like that's true[sarcasm]. Also, they keep talking about their Tobuscus and Youtube Poop that I don't know if I can show them something that actually took some talent. They don't appreciate any of my drawings, find my outbursts funny, teasing me about them.They also think a stupid movie with cheesy humaniod turtles that think their ninjas and eat pizza led by some weird rat furry is cool. Yeah right. That sounds like a lame premise for a movie.

What is your thoughts?
_________________
Respond please, I love comments.

Don't let yourself be defined by the NT's around you whose thoughts are shallow and don't allow their talents (if any) to shine through as they're too busy fooling around. I'd love to see some of your art work - there is a forum on this website where you can upload art to should you want to share some and haven't yet... I am now 49 and was teased mercilessly at school but when I went to the reunion last year (for the first time - and since I was diagnosed) found that with the increased maturity, everyone that teased me was willing to apologise, either online or in person. Some of your peers think they know it all - just like in my high school days!

Wow edon't be quite so negative! I'm 49 and have faced many challenges, only fell in love for the first time at 33 (I'm gay so that's an added minority factor for me...) and was diagnosed with AS at age 46. I don't feel the creeping of old age as I still run marathons and keep young in all kinds of ways. There's still ample opportunity for you to find a sympathetic non-NT girl that you can relate to and can alleviate your loneliness! True - there are many bitchy ones out there that take their inadequacies and their frustrations out on those around them - but sometimes it just happens that a special someone comes along - as it happened in my case - and I think he's also AS because he's my soul mate and such people are few and far between.

I feel so extremely asocial again. Oh, joy. Also, I'm slightly bored of myself, it's a kind of funny feeling. I just don't want to be near, around or have people in my line of sight, including myself.

i've felt down for some time now. i keep trying to do things to make me happy but they don't- not even the things that mean the most to me like plants. i couldn't get out of bed this morning to go to the centre to buy jasminum officinale and it was hard enough to drag myself out so i could do tuesday things. things that make me happy just don't. even the thought of a poster run or going to a protest just makes me feel tired more than anything else. i know why partially. it's a lot of things and i can't fix any of them. i feel small, insignificant, powerless and vulnerable and unwanted. life is grey.

I hate it when some people assume that I'm shy especially when its the towards the end of the day & I feel I have nothing to say, ugh things like this don't usually bother me. Lately I've been wanting to feel damn asocial but that won't get me anywhere.