scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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+/-?. Another one down the drain I guess. Bye to you too. I must be a really s**t person if I don't even deserve a goodbye.

-8 bad news and good rolled in to one today. Better than yesterday though a little hopeful for tomorrow.

-4. Uncertainty.

I wish I could type more but it only makes things worse. All I can do is wait for nothing to happen.

+3

I went away to Arkansas for a week, and watched as my Mother dealt with the frustration of having to repeat herself for someone harder of hearing than she is. My Grandfather is getting a one bedroom apartment, and we are getting a two bedroom one in a small town in the northern corner of the state. I didn't like how their dinner arrangement with a very kind women forced me to go to church for one night, and made me listen to a young person basically say that all non-christians are lazy and stupid. How he said it really angered me to. I was disgusted, and felt like flying out of that front seat to punch his nose. However, that reminded me once again why I left.

I just couldn't hold some of it in anymore, and I told Mum at the motel how I felt about God's oh so loving PLAN! She gave me the answeres one would expect from a fundamentalist. I told her 3-4 times that I have a problem with innocent lives suffering, because some random so and so kills or hurts someone else who apparently suffered for another random thug so and so.... (That's where her logic about it went, you see. "Innocent people suffer because of the sinners, and the sufferers get an easy ticket to heaven.)

I told her quite bluntly over four times, "I have a problem with God's plan working like that." Then after they die, they get to worship the one that not only had them go through it as part of his plan (whatever that is! ), and miss all the really cool stuff more fortunate people got to have forever and ever! Food variety, candy, coloring books, crafts, freedom, mate concent, etc. etc. etc. etc. Anyone could go on with that list. My Grandfather is moving away from a certain thief we hate to. No more of that thief's privacy rummaging and 'pretend-to-be-reliable' vocal bull s**t! I hope my Unkle gets chewed out eventualy to.

I would say I am at a +4. I was in the negatives for the last couple of days, but I managed to get in contact with my therapist earlier today, and I was able to talk with both of my 12-step sponsors, as well, and some plans are being laid out as far as what I am going to do when I get discharged from the crisis center.

Amazing that a mental health crisis center has a computer where anybody can access the Internet, is it not? Most of my favorite websites (and pretty much half of this one) is blocked on this computer, however.

-7 or so. A lot of stuff going on, but I'm so sleep deprived I can't think clearly enough to talk about it.

-5 Better than have been in a while

-5 For some reason, I can't stop sleeping for hours and hours. I've slept for 17 plus hours for the past three days now. I always need sleep, and I don't know why. It's been ruining my motivation to get anything done. I'm always exhausted. I always need 12-14 hours of sleep.

0. One one hand I feel bad for being too emotionally reactive, but on the other I'm pleased at being too hot to handle

4.0

Woke up with a slight stomach ache around 2:00 am, drank a lot of water and was still able to go out to the track to do my jog routine. Sadly I was a bit late today so the run was cut short when someone drove up around 4:01 am so I finished the lap I was on and left. I'm happy I was at least able to do my run, I always feel like crap if I don't. I have a bit of eagerness about going to my painting class this evening so that bumps my mood up from a 3.5 or 3.0.

Woke up with a +10 in morning because I was expecting to hang out with friends, then they didn't turn up without letting me know what is going on. Dropped to +7.5. Then went studying and that, it stayed that way all day until I couldn't find out if volleyball was on, texted them and no answer. Dropped further to +5.0. Now that what I feel. Ignorant attitude of people, trick with my minds and that causes a drop in 5.

+5 I'm all over the place with cyclothymia mood swings, going between suicidal and happy / positive every day. Today is an "UP" day. Tomorrow I may be planning suicide again! The combination of cyclothymia and Aspergers is one hell of a roller-coaster.

-9

-10 overwhelmed....no I did not make it to that walk in appointment, guess I will try tomorrow, I still have no income and no real plan of how to get any. I fail at life as usual and I honestly feel like people I know would be better off if I was not here whether I achieved it through suicide or just packing up a back pack and leaving to wander the streets until I meet my doom or whatever.

-10, now just exhausted....time to try and sleep I guess.

-6