scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-2
Been feeling a bit off since last evening. I've only gotten worse, feeling a mix of negative feelings and I'm feeling violent and confrontational too.

0, and for whatever reason I can't fight the urge to clean and organize, not that I do the best job of organizing but I attempt I just sometimes cannot stand clutter because it makes me uncomfortable...I didn't really used to have that issue.

-8. One of my favourite uncles just died.

3.14

6.4

Sister came over, on very good terms with her and her boyfriend. Have been for a week and I think my meds are helping me socialize with them, before when they'd visit I would hide in my room. I found out she was officially pregnant about a week ago too. The mood of the household has been very positive. On the other hand, I'm having a very hard time focusing today and haven't done any reading. I'm enjoying the book I've picked up yet its also intimidating at the same time. I even started taking notes, trying to further understand it. Need to stop posting here!

-7

This week has sucked. I feel about as close to a real mental breakdown as I've ever been. I'm so lonely. And if I don't keep my mind occupied all the time I'm afraid I'll do something I'll regret. Not ilegal or dangerous, just things which will further isolate me. I asked 5 or 6 people if they wanted to hang out and nothing. My birthday is in a few days and it just depresses me that I will spend it alone like I have every birthday for the past few years.

I want to be one of those aspies who is happy without friends, but I'm just not. Realized things really are over with my boyfriend. My unemployment situation just keeps getting worse. Nobody gives a s**t about my 3.8 gpa. Nobody gives a s**t about except my parents and I'm an embarassment to them and everyone since only a complete loser could have done well in school and still not have the social skills to get a job. I don't think I will ever function well enough to live on my own. Which is even more depressing since I'm really, really high-functioning according to everyone ever.

Hahaha, I do that, too with the books I read. I even keep a notebook and pen by my side to write down words I don't know. I think I have three or four 'book vocab notebooks!'

-9 with draw from a problem I didn't know I had. I feel foolish for not noticing the downward slide after helping others thru it.

-10 not very good at all.

-10 for the past four weeks, and no end in sight.
(Whilst I don't really visit anymore, this is pretty much the last place now where I feel ok to say this)

You will feel better if you eat more pi.

Bingo! That's exactly what I'm doing


6.8

Was sort of dreading today but it went pretty well. My grandmother moved into a nursing home last month so family members have come and taken pieces of furniture and stuff she left to us. I got to sleep in, which I wasn't expecting and started helping my sister and brother in law out with moving some mattresses and cleaning up several of the rooms. For the past year I've slept in the backroom on a mattress without a box spring because its where our computer was and I'm the only one who really uses it. The other room I slept in became a sort of guest room for my sister but it still had my tv and a ton of my books and odds and ends. Sadly my sister and other family members started using the closet for a storage unit so it looked rather messy, which I don't like. This is all relevant because my grandmother left me her and grandfather's bed, which they've had ever since they were married and its really cool. It has a nice headboard you can store books in (which I did) and I was excited because I would actually be sleeping on a real bed again for the first time in over two years!

The bed got moved in and I started undertaking the task of cleaning out my entire closet, throwing out lots of garbage, resorting stuff that wasn't mine and putting it in its proper place. About 2 hours later, add in some sweeping and dusting and my "new" room looks very awesome. It felt good to do some cleaning and organizing, when I had let my room fall into a mess I was slogging through a bout of depression but today I was overcome with lots of productive energy. It feels good to be typing this from my preferred room.

Also all the "new" old furniture we got for our living room looks fantastic, love the couch and coffee tables. Also got these beautiful china lamps I've loved since I was a little kid.

+1, maybe I can make things work to some extent after all. Thinking of teaming up with my dad for work, I mean I am considering going homeless and or suicide. So it's worth a try I suppose...I mean I don't totally want to give up just yet even if I do feel pretty dead inside. Not to mention but it would probably mean a lot to my dad if I give it a try because he tries so hard to help me even when he has nothing so trying to work with him in his job would mean quite a lot to him. Maybe I will tell him tommorow on Father's Day that I wanna give it a try I mean he probably figures I'll forget but I don't plan on it. I decided not to go to my moms side of the family fathers day party because well it's fathers day so I should spend it with my dad if possible not my moms side of the family.

+4.

Sort of entering the summer slump as I call it. I get bored not being in school which starts my mind going into all sorts of weird places. I have a job and I work out regularly which helps, but sometimes I still can't shake it.

+2 and the yo-yo rebounds.

2. I'm still here /