scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-4.7

Stayed up last night doing math problems in my book until sunrise, went to sleep, got in the afternoon, did my reading and then fixed myself the last of my sweet potatoes. Started working on math again in the kitchen, but my sister was pretty disruptive, even her boyfriend was as well. I feel bad because when she came here everyone was happy because of the "good" news and how nice she was behaving but it seems it is impossible for my sister to ever leave on good terms, ever. We all feel like were hostages in the house at this point and she's ALWAYS cooking, it irritates me to no end. Doing math at 3 am? Oh here she comes to fix something with a strong smell. The worst part is when I'm trying to concentrate and she harasses me about wanting anything, which she knows the answer to: I'm a very picky eater and never eat the stuff she likes, she purposely does it to be spiteful. In fact the food she cooks makes me feel nauseous with its strong, pungent smell.

"Aw want me to fix you some of this too?"
"No."
"You sure? I'm fixing a lot, you can have a bit don't be shy!"
"No thanks."
"Oh it smells so good, want to have a sniff? Come take a smell?"
"Busy. Not interested."

Then she'll go use my annoyed response as an excuse to act aggressive, or to prove I'm sowing dissension. This is only a sample of stuff she does. I actually want to work on more math now but had to take a break because of her and the kitchen stinks like whatever she just finished cooking . I fear that when she finally does leave she will be on bad terms with everyone else. She's also gone back to yelling at my parents whenever they voice any grievances to her, for very reasonable things. Gee, she sure wasn't like that over a week ago (it feels like its been two weeks). Everyone's relationship with her is steadily deteriorating. Everyone was happy, wanted to help her, I'd ride in the car with her to the store. I talked and sat in the living room with sister and her bf. We would watch movies, even toked a few times, which I rarely ever do.

Now I have little desire to leave my room. The first thing I do now is my reading, which I use to save for the evening. I also feel crappy because I haven't been able to go out to jog ever since she came. We're out of money now and the gas in our car and their SUV are both nearly empty. What burns me how my sister, a visitor and someone who prior to all of this was on very, very bad terms with us all, has the nerve to hide my parent's car keys FROM ME so I don't sneak out to run and use precious gas. The track is maybe 4 miles away and I probably wouldn't go anyway, but there's so much hypocrisy because the second she needs cigs or junk food she immediately gets into the car and is gone. "Oh the gas station is close, its no big deal. I NEED THESE." The gas station she goes to is actually farther than the track.

I pointed this out to my parents but they told me to shut up, to not start a fight and confirmed that yes everyone is tired of those two in our house. But this is how my parents deal with her. I guess there's not much to do.

I'm almost on the verge of a meltdown, probably going to go take a xanax or something. I can't even think in peace because the two of them are SO loud and always watching tv in the living room.

-7

Lately it feels like my life is one huge panic attack. Arg.

-4 with IBS

+4 if I didn't have it

Cautiously, +2
Hoping for good July

It was about a -4, but now I'd say it's more like -20...

2.3

Had a productive night but not after several fairly big fights in the morning. I had a terrible meltdown and became hysterical, insulting everyone. My mood improved after getting back to my math then I fell to sleep around 8 pm. I woke up, noticeably refreshed, around 3 pm and saw some grapes sitting in a bowl and helped myself to some delicious sugar finally. We haven't had fruit in the house for a week ever since my sister gave our apples to Grandma. Did some more reading, enjoying my book and now I'm sitting around at the computer, musing on things while listening to the Bauhaus. Want to work on some more math but I REALLY don't want to be spoken to by my sister or her boyfriend, their mere presence now makes me feel agitated and on edge.

+2 not to bad not really good just is

-3

One of those nights when I can't sleep, even though I'm tired beyond belief.
Could be worse - the temperature in my bedroom is comfortable after being scorching for a week.

-4 really wanted some thing I cant have no more

2(-1^1/2)

I was going to say zero, but I am slightly on the bummed end of the scale. Too many things going on and I can't possibly get to them all. However, I am not hard core depressed this week.

-1.7

Went to bed late, got stuck on a problem and it even gave my dad (a retired teacher) a hard time and I was very pissed off because I hate giving up. Also it seems I'm going to be going to painting class alone AGAIN tonight. Will no doubt be left to my own devices with a cup of water and my brush, making something horrible while my teacher doesn't teach at all. At least when it was me and mom she would pay some attention to the two novices. Oh well.

+5 got a chance to talk to a friend that I see one a year for 5 hours.

0. I'm entirely neutral right now.

0.9

Had a surprisingly good time at tonight's painting class, did something to really improve my brush strokes with water color and actually made something nice looking. Got back home and my folks let me order a couple of books (yay!!) which put me in a good mood and then I stuck around, not doing much since I felt a bit sapped. Went out to run (FINALLY) at 2:30 and now I'm back. I kind of feel like painting, think I'll take a math break tonight..dunno though.

I feel this strange sensation in me, I don't know if its depression or what. Sister and her boyfriend haven't spoken to me in 3 days, which I thought wouldn't bother me..but maybe it does? I feel really alone, yet I don't feel horrible..its just strange. I guess its because I use to talk to more people online and for the past half of the year I've gradually out grown people and become able to entertain myself. Yet at the same time I feel this weird void.

-3
I am waiting to see if my house will be flooded tonight and trying to figure out if I should follow the evacuation order. I don't want to go to a shelter, my parents house is already flooded and the friend who offered to put me up for the night is a smoker and an alcoholic and I don't know if I want to stay there. I like my crappy little house and can't really sleep anywhere else.